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      The 'What Has You Feeling Down?' thread

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      MsGerrard
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      Re: The 'What Has You Feeling Down?' thread
      Reply #1104: Sep 28, 2016 10:07:15 pm
      Sorry to hear your news Kopite....think of all the good times and stay strong for your Dad xx Your Red family are here for you xx YNWA xx
      andylfcynwa
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      Re: The 'What Has You Feeling Down?' thread
      Reply #1105: Sep 28, 2016 10:13:43 pm
      Mum died at 5.30 this morning, the most wonderful mother than anyone could everyone . Devastated, bereft, empty, distraught...
      Sorry to hear of your loss wishing you and family well in these dark days .
      FATKOPITE10
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      Re: The 'What Has You Feeling Down?' thread
      Reply #1106: Sep 28, 2016 10:34:31 pm
      Dad has suggested ynwa for the  funeral, how we pay for the funeral is another matter.
      Roddenberry
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      Re: The 'What Has You Feeling Down?' thread
      Reply #1107: Sep 28, 2016 10:58:35 pm
      Thoughts are with you FK.
      zz19a
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      • You'll Never Walk Alone
      Re: The 'What Has You Feeling Down?' thread
      Reply #1108: Sep 28, 2016 11:05:17 pm
      Thoughts are with you & your family FK.

      Take care.

      YNWA
      HScRed1
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      Re: The 'What Has You Feeling Down?' thread
      Reply #1109: Sep 28, 2016 11:06:00 pm
      Dad has suggested ynwa for the  funeral, how we pay for the funeral is another matter.

      Have a look here mate.

      https://www.gov.uk/funeral-payments/overview
      FATKOPITE10
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      Re: The 'What Has You Feeling Down?' thread
      Reply #1110: Sep 29, 2016 12:22:00 am

      thanks, just cannot see any light at the end of a long tunnel
      Firepool
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      Re: The 'What Has You Feeling Down?' thread
      Reply #1111: Sep 29, 2016 01:24:40 am
      Sorry to hear the sad news Fatkopite. You and your family are in my thought and prayers. YNWA
      higgy_sham
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      Re: The 'What Has You Feeling Down?' thread
      Reply #1112: Sep 29, 2016 11:15:14 am
      So sorry to hear about your Mum mate.

      Keep the head up.
      Robby The Z
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      Re: The 'What Has You Feeling Down?' thread
      Reply #1113: Sep 30, 2016 02:13:33 pm
      thanks, just cannot see any light at the end of a long tunnel

      Mom with Alzheimer's. Dad with serious heart disease (as opposed to the joking type I guess). Wife's mom with advanced Parkinson's. Dark days at home. I know what you mean.

      what-a-hit-son
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      Re: The 'What Has You Feeling Down?' thread
      Reply #1114: Sep 30, 2016 04:30:55 pm
      Just seeing all this now. So sorry to hear this FK.

      Big love dude.
      Roddenberry
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      Re: The 'What Has You Feeling Down?' thread
      Reply #1115: Oct 01, 2016 01:11:52 am
      As I walked home tonight, I took a detour, that took me to a bridge that's high above a river. My thoughts weren't good, the action was never a real option, but I stood there, in the dark and cold, with suicidal thoughts running through my head. I was, no, I am in pain. Half my life, the last 20 years, every day, not one pain free day. Some better days, but not pain free.

      The back injury caused other issues. My, and I apologise if this is to graphic, erections became a hit and miss affair, this led to me pushing people away, by being an arsehole to people or just ignoring them. I binge eat to this day, my weight helps keep others away. I grew to hate myself. I had a few months here and there, where I was dragged out, in which I lost weight and got out and socialised, but I always felt like a fraud.

      I still worked through all this. I was either known as the angry fat man or the jolly fat man, as humour became another of my defence mechanisms but my anger sometimes won out. Having a work ethic probably kept me from going insane, it also kept me in jobs that I otherwise could or perhaps should have lost. During these jobs, I also learned to lie well. About how I was, what I was really feeling, why I couldn't attend this work do or that party or gathering. Hiding my depression and pain became second nature.

      The last few years, I've gotten a little better, I don't hate myself any more, well at least not everyday, but going out is still a struggle and I feel drained afterwards. Not hating myself and feeling good about myself are two different things though. I've lost ten and a half stone in nine months but I'm still fat. My potential has passed, I look at the youth and feel like a cautionary tale.

      I'm not a stupid man, nor am I lazy, but I am one that needs to be pushed and I'm nearly always, self imposed as it is, alone. Been a few of you in this group, knowingly or unknowingly that have given me a push when I've needed it. It's on dark, cold, bad nights like this that I've got to say thank you for that, so Thank You.
      FATKOPITE10
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      Re: The 'What Has You Feeling Down?' thread
      Reply #1116: Oct 01, 2016 02:17:11 am
      As I walked home tonight, I took a detour, that took me to a bridge that's high above a river. My thoughts weren't good, the action was never a real option, but I stood there, in the dark and cold, with suicidal thoughts running through my head. I was, no, I am in pain. Half my life, the last 20 years, every day, not one pain free day. Some better days, but not pain free.

      The back injury caused other issues. My, and I apologise if this is to graphic, erections became a hit and miss affair, this led to me pushing people away, by being an arsehole to people or just ignoring them. I binge eat to this day, my weight helps keep others away. I grew to hate myself. I had a few months here and there, where I was dragged out, in which I lost weight and got out and socialised, but I always felt like a fraud.

      I still worked through all this. I was either known as the angry fat man or the jolly fat man, as humour became another of my defence mechanisms but my anger sometimes won out. Having a work ethic probably kept me from going insane, it also kept me in jobs that I otherwise could or perhaps should have lost. During these jobs, I also learned to lie well. About how I was, what I was really feeling, why I couldn't attend this work do or that party or gathering. Hiding my depression and pain became second nature.

      The last few years, I've gotten a little better, I don't hate myself any more, well at least not everyday, but going out is still a struggle and I feel drained afterwards. Not hating myself and feeling good about myself are two different things though. I've lost ten and a half stone in nine months but I'm still fat. My potential has passed, I look at the youth and feel like a cautionary tale.

      I'm not a stupid man, nor am I lazy, but I am one that needs to be pushed and I'm nearly always, self imposed as it is, alone. Been a few of you in this group, knowingly or unknowingly that have given me a push when I've needed it. It's on dark, cold, bad nights like this that I've got to say thank you for that, so Thank You.

      you're very brave rodders, as someone who is fat and has often thought dark thoughts I have hidden away from some feelings for fear ss being seen as week, been playing with the idea of addressing my mental health issues, and now as i lie here unable to sleep still in the grieving process after my mums death i see no light at the end of the tunnel and that i have nothing to show for 44 years of life, and then in a perverse way recent events may make me a better person. I fear loneliness and to be honest if i didn't have to look after my dad i seriously would worry about doing something to myself. Reading your post simply makes me want to say thank YOU rodders
      Firepool
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      Re: The 'What Has You Feeling Down?' thread
      Reply #1117: Oct 01, 2016 02:52:20 am
      As I walked home tonight, I took a detour, that took me to a bridge that's high above a river. My thoughts weren't good, the action was never a real option, but I stood there, in the dark and cold, with suicidal thoughts running through my head. I was, no, I am in pain. Half my life, the last 20 years, every day, not one pain free day. Some better days, but not pain free.

      The back injury caused other issues. My, and I apologise if this is to graphic, erections became a hit and miss affair, this led to me pushing people away, by being an arsehole to people or just ignoring them. I binge eat to this day, my weight helps keep others away. I grew to hate myself. I had a few months here and there, where I was dragged out, in which I lost weight and got out and socialised, but I always felt like a fraud.

      I still worked through all this. I was either known as the angry fat man or the jolly fat man, as humour became another of my defence mechanisms but my anger sometimes won out. Having a work ethic probably kept me from going insane, it also kept me in jobs that I otherwise could or perhaps should have lost. During these jobs, I also learned to lie well. About how I was, what I was really feeling, why I couldn't attend this work do or that party or gathering. Hiding my depression and pain became second nature.

      The last few years, I've gotten a little better, I don't hate myself any more, well at least not everyday, but going out is still a struggle and I feel drained afterwards. Not hating myself and feeling good about myself are two different things though. I've lost ten and a half stone in nine months but I'm still fat. My potential has passed, I look at the youth and feel like a cautionary tale.

      I'm not a stupid man, nor am I lazy, but I am one that needs to be pushed and I'm nearly always, self imposed as it is, alone. Been a few of you in this group, knowingly or unknowingly that have given me a push when I've needed it. It's on dark, cold, bad nights like this that I've got to say thank you for that, so Thank You.

      We, your Red family, is here for you. You are a brave man to share this story. Glad that you are still with us and hope things get better for you.
      shabbadoo
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      Re: The 'What Has You Feeling Down?' thread
      Reply #1118: Oct 01, 2016 10:14:21 am
      As I walked home tonight, I took a detour, that took me to a bridge that's high above a river. My thoughts weren't good, the action was never a real option, but I stood there, in the dark and cold, with suicidal thoughts running through my head. I was, no, I am in pain. Half my life, the last 20 years, every day, not one pain free day. Some better days, but not pain free.

      The back injury caused other issues. My, and I apologise if this is to graphic, erections became a hit and miss affair, this led to me pushing people away, by being an arsehole to people or just ignoring them. I binge eat to this day, my weight helps keep others away. I grew to hate myself. I had a few months here and there, where I was dragged out, in which I lost weight and got out and socialised, but I always felt like a fraud.

      I still worked through all this. I was either known as the angry fat man or the jolly fat man, as humour became another of my defence mechanisms but my anger sometimes won out. Having a work ethic probably kept me from going insane, it also kept me in jobs that I otherwise could or perhaps should have lost. During these jobs, I also learned to lie well. About how I was, what I was really feeling, why I couldn't attend this work do or that party or gathering. Hiding my depression and pain became second nature.

      The last few years, I've gotten a little better, I don't hate myself any more, well at least not everyday, but going out is still a struggle and I feel drained afterwards. Not hating myself and feeling good about myself are two different things though. I've lost ten and a half stone in nine months but I'm still fat. My potential has passed, I look at the youth and feel like a cautionary tale.

      I'm not a stupid man, nor am I lazy, but I am one that needs to be pushed and I'm nearly always, self imposed as it is, alone. Been a few of you in this group, knowingly or unknowingly that have given me a push when I've needed it. It's on dark, cold, bad nights like this that I've got to say thank you for that, so Thank You.

      I like fat jolly & angry men as friends  :gt-happyup:

      I think we need a cheesy disco night out mate, what do you think?...I ain't danced to Abba since my days in London Soho ;D I need to let my hair down, well I'm bold now like..but you get my drift..

      Heads up to you though Stu for sharing your daily pain, that's courage brother right there,to talk about it...

      YNWA.
      Robby The Z
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      Re: The 'What Has You Feeling Down?' thread
      Reply #1119: Oct 01, 2016 04:26:29 pm
      As I walked home tonight, I took a detour, that took me to a bridge that's high above a river. My thoughts weren't good, the action was never a real option, but I stood there, in the dark and cold, with suicidal thoughts running through my head. I was, no, I am in pain. Half my life, the last 20 years, every day, not one pain free day. Some better days, but not pain free.

      The back injury caused other issues. My, and I apologise if this is to graphic, erections became a hit and miss affair, this led to me pushing people away, by being an arsehole to people or just ignoring them. I binge eat to this day, my weight helps keep others away. I grew to hate myself. I had a few months here and there, where I was dragged out, in which I lost weight and got out and socialised, but I always felt like a fraud.

      I still worked through all this. I was either known as the angry fat man or the jolly fat man, as humour became another of my defence mechanisms but my anger sometimes won out. Having a work ethic probably kept me from going insane, it also kept me in jobs that I otherwise could or perhaps should have lost. During these jobs, I also learned to lie well. About how I was, what I was really feeling, why I couldn't attend this work do or that party or gathering. Hiding my depression and pain became second nature.

      The last few years, I've gotten a little better, I don't hate myself any more, well at least not everyday, but going out is still a struggle and I feel drained afterwards. Not hating myself and feeling good about myself are two different things though. I've lost ten and a half stone in nine months but I'm still fat. My potential has passed, I look at the youth and feel like a cautionary tale.

      I'm not a stupid man, nor am I lazy, but I am one that needs to be pushed and I'm nearly always, self imposed as it is, alone. Been a few of you in this group, knowingly or unknowingly that have given me a push when I've needed it. It's on dark, cold, bad nights like this that I've got to say thank you for that, so Thank You.

      Something that often helps when I'm dealing with melancholy is thinking of (and following through) with ways I can be of help to other people - how I can serve my fellow man. Working at a homeless shelter here has offered more opportunities for this of late.

      This isn't meant as a trite, cure-all because believe me, I understand that situations are always more complicated than that. But I do find that concentrating on helping others helps lessen the load of depression, for what it's worth. Best wishes.
      MsGerrard
      • Guest
      Re: The 'What Has You Feeling Down?' thread
      Reply #1120: Oct 01, 2016 10:24:20 pm
      Thinking of you Rodders  :hug: here for you anytime you feel the need to share a problem xx one day at a time hun...be safe xx YNWA
      FL Red
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      Re: The 'What Has You Feeling Down?' thread
      Reply #1121: Oct 01, 2016 10:59:50 pm
      As I walked home tonight, I took a detour, that took me to a bridge that's high above a river. My thoughts weren't good, the action was never a real option, but I stood there, in the dark and cold, with suicidal thoughts running through my head. I was, no, I am in pain. Half my life, the last 20 years, every day, not one pain free day. Some better days, but not pain free.

      The back injury caused other issues. My, and I apologise if this is to graphic, erections became a hit and miss affair, this led to me pushing people away, by being an arsehole to people or just ignoring them. I binge eat to this day, my weight helps keep others away. I grew to hate myself. I had a few months here and there, where I was dragged out, in which I lost weight and got out and socialised, but I always felt like a fraud.

      I still worked through all this. I was either known as the angry fat man or the jolly fat man, as humour became another of my defence mechanisms but my anger sometimes won out. Having a work ethic probably kept me from going insane, it also kept me in jobs that I otherwise could or perhaps should have lost. During these jobs, I also learned to lie well. About how I was, what I was really feeling, why I couldn't attend this work do or that party or gathering. Hiding my depression and pain became second nature.

      The last few years, I've gotten a little better, I don't hate myself any more, well at least not everyday, but going out is still a struggle and I feel drained afterwards. Not hating myself and feeling good about myself are two different things though. I've lost ten and a half stone in nine months but I'm still fat. My potential has passed, I look at the youth and feel like a cautionary tale.

      I'm not a stupid man, nor am I lazy, but I am one that needs to be pushed and I'm nearly always, self imposed as it is, alone. Been a few of you in this group, knowingly or unknowingly that have given me a push when I've needed it. It's on dark, cold, bad nights like this that I've got to say thank you for that, so Thank You.

      Rodders, there's not much I can do from all the way across the pond, I'm sure I'll probably never meet you in person, but I truly sympathize with your story and while you maybe don't shop at that store (not really sure, just get the feeling) I'm going to pray for you, just because that's what I believe and that's about the only thing I can do from so far away. I pray and hope that you find the meaning and significance that you need. We're all important and we're all loved. You are incredibly brave to share your story without holding back.
      Billy1
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      Re: The 'What Has You Feeling Down?' thread
      Reply #1122: Oct 02, 2016 08:24:19 am
      As I walked home tonight, I took a detour, that took me to a bridge that's high above a river. My thoughts weren't good, the action was never a real option, but I stood there, in the dark and cold, with suicidal thoughts running through my head. I was, no, I am in pain. Half my life, the last 20 years, every day, not one pain free day. Some better days, but not pain free.

      The back injury caused other issues. My, and I apologise if this is to graphic, erections became a hit and miss affair, this led to me pushing people away, by being an arsehole to people or just ignoring them. I binge eat to this day, my weight helps keep others away. I grew to hate myself. I had a few months here and there, where I was dragged out, in which I lost weight and got out and socialised, but I always felt like a fraud.

      I still worked through all this. I was either known as the angry fat man or the jolly fat man, as humour became another of my defence mechanisms but my anger sometimes won out. Having a work ethic probably kept me from going insane, it also kept me in jobs that I otherwise could or perhaps should have lost. During these jobs, I also learned to lie well. About how I was, what I was really feeling, why I couldn't attend this work do or that party or gathering. Hiding my depression and pain became second nature.

      The last few years, I've gotten a little better, I don't hate myself any more, well at least not everyday, but going out is still a struggle and I feel drained afterwards. Not hating myself and feeling good about myself are two different things though. I've lost ten and a half stone in nine months but I'm still fat. My potential has passed, I look at the youth and feel like a cautionary tale.

      I'm not a stupid man, nor am I lazy, but I am one that needs to be pushed and I'm nearly always, self imposed as it is, alone. Been a few of you in this group, knowingly or unknowingly that have given me a push when I've needed it. It's on dark, cold, bad nights like this that I've got to say thank you for that, so Thank You.

      Stay strong Stuart you can beat this,it is so easy for others to give advice and at times it will be difficult to accept that advice.All I can say to you is if anyone offers you advice then consider what they are telling you.I know from personal experience that you are a top man and thank you for going out of your way to help my Grandson with a ticket when he went to Anfield for the first time.Take care mate.
      what-a-hit-son
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      Re: The 'What Has You Feeling Down?' thread
      Reply #1123: Oct 02, 2016 09:00:45 am
      As I walked home tonight, I took a detour, that took me to a bridge that's high above a river. My thoughts weren't good, the action was never a real option, but I stood there, in the dark and cold, with suicidal thoughts running through my head. I was, no, I am in pain. Half my life, the last 20 years, every day, not one pain free day. Some better days, but not pain free.

      The back injury caused other issues. My, and I apologise if this is to graphic, erections became a hit and miss affair, this led to me pushing people away, by being an arsehole to people or just ignoring them. I binge eat to this day, my weight helps keep others away. I grew to hate myself. I had a few months here and there, where I was dragged out, in which I lost weight and got out and socialised, but I always felt like a fraud.

      I still worked through all this. I was either known as the angry fat man or the jolly fat man, as humour became another of my defence mechanisms but my anger sometimes won out. Having a work ethic probably kept me from going insane, it also kept me in jobs that I otherwise could or perhaps should have lost. During these jobs, I also learned to lie well. About how I was, what I was really feeling, why I couldn't attend this work do or that party or gathering. Hiding my depression and pain became second nature.

      The last few years, I've gotten a little better, I don't hate myself any more, well at least not everyday, but going out is still a struggle and I feel drained afterwards. Not hating myself and feeling good about myself are two different things though. I've lost ten and a half stone in nine months but I'm still fat. My potential has passed, I look at the youth and feel like a cautionary tale.

      I'm not a stupid man, nor am I lazy, but I am one that needs to be pushed and I'm nearly always, self imposed as it is, alone. Been a few of you in this group, knowingly or unknowingly that have given me a push when I've needed it. It's on dark, cold, bad nights like this that I've got to say thank you for that, so Thank You.

      I've met you a couple of times Stu and although they've been quite brief in-the-pub meetings it's easy for me to say with no uncertainty that you're a top bloke. I found you easy to talk to and after a few things you told me it was clear that you had a few issues within but that, for me, was superseded by your obvious knowledge of absolutely any topic in conversation and what I seen as a very likeable personality.

      The maddest thing with your post, even though it has a dark theme and been written by you in what is seemingly a bad place, is that it is inadvertently scattered with positives.

      I can't tell you how to think positive in your current train of thought but from what I read there's something in your head that does it's best to put a negative slant on any positive thing you have.

      You have a job that you're good at, you're clever and you have a great personality. You also lost 10 stone plus in a year which is quite unreal. Yes, you have blipped but that doesn't mean it's the end of what you were doing. Get back into it without putting too much pressure on yourself - avoid the backs of lorries, though. Walk. Maybe get sponsored for a huge walk, jog or cycle and put lots of energy and time into that - I'll even do it with you as I could do with losing a few stone too.

      Focus on what is good more than what is bad mate. That has to be a starting point as these thoughts in your head on that bridge are the wrong thoughts as there is a big point to you being here for many years to come if you can manage to see it.

      You need to try and wake up tomorrow with a shoulders back, head up, F**k negativity type of attitude and get tough.

      My phone is always on mate.

      reddebs
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      Re: The 'What Has You Feeling Down?' thread
      Reply #1124: Oct 02, 2016 10:29:04 am
      As I walked home tonight, I took a detour, that took me to a bridge that's high above a river. My thoughts weren't good, the action was never a real option, but I stood there, in the dark and cold, with suicidal thoughts running through my head. I was, no, I am in pain. Half my life, the last 20 years, every day, not one pain free day. Some better days, but not pain free.

      The back injury caused other issues. My, and I apologise if this is to graphic, erections became a hit and miss affair, this led to me pushing people away, by being an arsehole to people or just ignoring them. I binge eat to this day, my weight helps keep others away. I grew to hate myself. I had a few months here and there, where I was dragged out, in which I lost weight and got out and socialised, but I always felt like a fraud.

      I still worked through all this. I was either known as the angry fat man or the jolly fat man, as humour became another of my defence mechanisms but my anger sometimes won out. Having a work ethic probably kept me from going insane, it also kept me in jobs that I otherwise could or perhaps should have lost. During these jobs, I also learned to lie well. About how I was, what I was really feeling, why I couldn't attend this work do or that party or gathering. Hiding my depression and pain became second nature.

      The last few years, I've gotten a little better, I don't hate myself any more, well at least not everyday, but going out is still a struggle and I feel drained afterwards. Not hating myself and feeling good about myself are two different things though. I've lost ten and a half stone in nine months but I'm still fat. My potential has passed, I look at the youth and feel like a cautionary tale.

      I'm not a stupid man, nor am I lazy, but I am one that needs to be pushed and I'm nearly always, self imposed as it is, alone. Been a few of you in this group, knowingly or unknowingly that have given me a push when I've needed it. It's on dark, cold, bad nights like this that I've got to say thank you for that, so Thank You.

      You're a brave man to bare your darkest, deepest thoughts on an Internet forum mate but that's also a very positive thing to do too.

      I don't know you on a personal level, we've never met but I know you have a heart of gold and go out of your way to make others happy.

      Focus on what you can and have done rather than what you can't or haven't done, set some new achievable goals and use your inner strength to go get them. 

      Accept that even if you don't love yourself, others love you and their world would be desolate without you in it.

      We're all here for you Stuart  :hug:
      FATKOPITE10
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      Re: The 'What Has You Feeling Down?' thread
      Reply #1125: Oct 03, 2016 02:55:18 pm
      Have had to take out a bank loan to pay for funeral, 1400 deposit , just under 2500 looks like the cost, funeral place will cut corners, nightmare
      FATKOPITE10
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      Re: The 'What Has You Feeling Down?' thread
      Reply #1126: Oct 20, 2016 08:08:09 pm
      Dad has been told he doesn't qualify for housing benefit, council tax or rent help as his income from his pensions is too high, his weekly state pension pays the rent and council tax , have cancelled a few direct debits etc , will need to keep monitoring the finances but just keeping our heads above water, been told my job is guaranteed to at least January but the need to find something with better wages asap, big thanks to the dwp for sending us a letter informing us they incorrectly paid mums pension into her post office account even though they had been informed of her death and now want us to repay it.

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