Arsenal - will sell Wilshere, Giroud and Szczesny (among others) replacing them with Benzema, some no mark Kenyan they've bought from France who'll turn out to be more Christopher Wreh than Ray Kennedy. They'll start slowly, everybody once again talking about Wenger outstaying his welcome but they'll have a good second half of the year and finish 4th. They'll go out of the Champions League in the last 16, FA Cup semi final and League Cup third round in the shock of the round when they lose, at home, to Swindon.
Aston Villa - will lose Benteke as the only major sale and replace him with a like-for-like in Adebayor (on loan). They'll also try and grab Seb Coates from us on loan to replace the out of contract Ron Vlaar. Sherwood will be sacked by March after Villa once again end up in a relegation battle and he will be replaced by former club captain, Gareth Southgate, who has had a good summer with the England U-21s. He'll transform them somewhat, eventually finishing as high as 14th. FA Cup sixth round, League Cup quarter finals.
Bournemouth - will effectively be a carbon copy of last season's Leicester. Play tidy football but not get the results because of a lack of real fire power up top. To resolve this, they turn to two Premiership proven veterans, Robbie Keane and Peter Crouch. To fund those deals though they have to sell wingers Matt Ritchie (Celtic) and Ryan Fraser (Crystal Palace). It's still not enough though to keep the Cherries up, finishing 19th. Eddie Howe is sacked in the summer. FA Cup sixth round, League Cup fourth round.
Chelsea - will start the season strongly, giving the impression that everybody backing them to defend their Premier League crown was right. But the wheels will fall off slightly around Christmas and they'll never quite get back to the best, missing out on the title by five or six points. They'll also be out of the Champions League in the group stage, much to everyone's surprise. They won't make many major signings, Marcelo from Real Madrid being the biggest. And they won't really sell any top stars. They'll reach both domestic Cup finals but ultimately lose both. Finish 2nd. Costa will top the goalscoring charts, Hazard will retain his Player of the Year award.
Crystal Palace - will be the early surprise team, keeping pace with the top six and getting above their stations. Nasty injuries to both Bolasie and Zaha will halt them in their pursue of European football and they'll eventually fade away into mid-table. There'll still be talk of Alan Pardew getting manager of the month though. Finish 9th with a League Cup semi-final thrown in but a third round exit from the FA Cup.
Everton - will see a mass exodus from the club in the summer with Lukaku, Mirallas, McCarthy, Coleman and Stones all heading for pastures new. Martinez will waste the money on quantity over quality bringing in ten new faces. The players won't gel and Martinez is the first manager sacked in mid-October. They'll head north to bring life-long Evertonian Alan Stubbs in as manager who won't fare that much better but is given time by fans and chairmen. Early exits from both domestic cups and a disappointing 16th finish in the League.
Leicester - will go down a very similar route to the previous year only with a few more goals in the team after they splash the cash on Jordan Rhodes and Demba Ba. Pearson will resign before the season starts due to the shame felt over his son's involvement in the racist sex tape and will be replaced by Sean Dyche. Finishing a respectful 15th and quarter finalists in both domestic Cups.
Liverpool - will have unprecdented success and this forum will implode. We will all 38 League games, the Europa League and both domestic Cups while Brendan Rodgers cements his legacy as one of the all time Liverpool greats. There'll be posters by the bucket load telling us how they never doubted Brendan, how they always backed him and how they can't believe anybody would dare question him. (either that or they'll just disappear off the forum all together). 1st place finish for the first time in over two and half a decades.
Man City - will throw money and then even more money at their side. Buying Wilshere, Sterling, Kane and Stones along with Pogba, Busquets and Ibrahimovic from abroad. But as is often the case at City, they'll have their fair share of in-fighting. Pelligrini will be sacked after the club fail in the quarter finals of the Champions League and despite an FA Cup semi-final appearance they'll end with nothing. 3rd place finish for them.
Man Utd - will sign just two players in the summer. Sheamus Coleman from Everton and James Rodriguez from Real Madrid. Both will be excellent signings for them but Van Gaal's constant tinkering of the system and players will catch up on them this season as they finish a very poor 6th. Van Gaal will be sacked in the summer. A group stage exit from the Champions League, a third round defeat in the FA Cup to Man City and a quarter final one in the League Cup to Liverpool will just rub salt into the wounds.
Newcastle - will hit rock bottom during the start of the season as Steve McClaren fails to win any of his first twelve games. But the board will stick by him while the Toon Army are screaming for a Geordie to replace him. Banners for Ant & Dec to take over start appearing at St James'. Finally they win a game and stretch that to a fourteen game unbeaten run. Unfortunately the pressure doesn't ease on McClaren. They finish the season 13th with McClaren the most hated man on Tyne-side.
Norwich - will start the season well, surprising a few teams by picking up points against both Manchester clubs. But their smallish squad will catch up with them and they'll start sliding down the table, finding themselves in the proverbial dog-fight. And unfortunately for the Canneries they won't escape, finishing 18th and back to the Championship. They won't fare much better in the domestic Cups either, falling by the way side to lower league clubs in both instances.
Southampton - will lose Clyne and Schnerlind but like last season, their sales won't really slow them down. They'll continue to be a force to be reckoned with and give a good account of themselves as they end the season in 5th place. Forster will win the golden gloves while Ward-Prowse will win Young Player of the Year. They won't pull up any trees in Europe or the Cup competitions though.
Stoke - will have their very typical hard working season that results in a 10th place finish with no real glitz and glamour to them. A nice run to the League Cup semi finals is about as good as it gets for Stoke.
Sunderland - will start under Dick Advocat who will then be sacked come the end of November being replaced Roberto Martinez. Martinez will fail to turn around their fortunes though, also losing his job before the final three games of the season take place with Sunderland already relegated. Their third manager of the season will be former favourite Michael Gray. They'll end up rock bottom, 20th. No success in either Cup sums up a very poor season for the black cats.
Swansea - will ultimately perform to their usual standard while Garry Monk is praised to high heavens, despite not actually doing that great. There'll be talk of Monk leaving for "a bigger club" which, of course, won't come to fruition. They'll finish in their usual 8th place.
Tottenham - will be in the running for the top four right up to the last few weeks but will fall short after losing their last six games, resulting in Pocchetino being sacked and David Pleat taking over for the 272nd time on a caretaker basis. They'll make it to the semi-finals of the Europa League but won't progress further than the 5th round in either domestic Cup. Finishing 7th.
Watford - will be the pick of the promoted sides just missing out on a top half finish on the final day. Finishing 11th with Troy Deeney ending as the top scoring Englishman and finding his way into Roy Hodgson's side.
West Brom - will bore the F**k out of everybody. Pulis will have them difficult to break down, giving them the best defence in the bottom half of the table. They'll also be the lowest scorers though with a their top scorer being Chris Brunt with 4, all penalties. Finally finishing 12th.
West Ham - will struggle all season long, in and around the bottom three for the entire year. They'll go down to the wire, escaping it on a final day decider. Andy Carroll will fail to score a single goal all season. Finished 17th.
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