even if we were after him, why would he choose us. Hurts to say it but we are not good enough to attract these kind of players. Before you say we are a big club, try to see it from a neutral pov.
Benzema: Things are not well. Je suis bleu. I am le tired of Real Madrid.
Benzema's agent: Sacre Bleu! Bennie my boy you have made it. You are paid thousands of euros a week to score many goals for ze best team in ze world. Why would you dream of moving?
Benzema: I am un bon player, oui. But all I hear is "Ronaldo this. Ronaldo that. Ronaldo built a museum to himself. Ronaldo donated a statue of himself avec un grande packagé to his home town. Ronaldo tres sexy. Why can't Karim be more like Ronaldo?" And when it is not Ronaldo, it is le sheep shagger. I can't even understand a word he says. I want to be ze hero for once. So they say Karim is better than "man" who shaves hair off his body than ze french women.
Benzema's agent: I understand Bennie. If your heart is set on going to be your own man. I understand. Have vous thoughté about where you want to go?
Benzema: Dacorde, I cannot stay in Spain. I need a fresh start. Le Italian pricks have no money for a man of my calibre. It must be ze land du eternal rain.
BA: Ah, so Manchester City then? Zeir owners have killed many poor people in ze middle east to make money to buy Yaya a Birthday caké. Maybe they can buy you?
KB: Mais there is ze problem. They have Yaya Toure, Aguero and David Silva. True players of class and quality.
BA: So not Chelsea then either. What about Arsenal?
KB: I never liked that Sanchez c**t. What about zat funny northern team? Won a lot things a long time ago, not done much recently. Came second last year? The one where ze bitey one came from.
BA: You mean Liverpool?
KB: Oui! Who have they got? They must have boughté many stars from all ze money they got for the biter.
BA: Ah. Ze have Rickie Lambert.
And the rest is history.
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