FSG - Hello Southampton. Sorry for pissing you off in the summer. We were out of order for meeting with your best player, agreeing personal terms and then announcing the signing before we had even made contact with you. Anyway, we would like to make a bid of 70m for VVD.
Southampton - Never mind, it happens I suppose, we accept your apology and we accept your bid.
FSG - Sh*t, sorry, that was a typo and we meant to press the 6 on the keyboard instead of the 7. Our offer is 60m, I hope that's ok?
Saints - Wasn't what we were hoping for but if you hurry the deal and the payments along then fine, we will accept.
FSG - Gee, thanks. The thing is though, we don't really spend any money until we sell one of our best players so let me just make a quick call to Barcelona and double check they're definitely signing coutinho.
Saints - Look, are you buying VVD or not?
FSG - errrrrrrrrrrrrrrrmmmmmmm mmmmmmmmmmmm.....
Saints - Hurry up will ya we need to give Stoke a call and check the availability on shawcross incase this goes through and times running out
FSG - We would like to amend our bid and offer 5m plus Danny Ings on loan for a week and 20,000 Boston Red Sox jerseys.
Saints - f**k off you cowboy cretin cu*ts stupid cheap b***ard waste of time fuckers
*FSG make statement that they were unable to reach agreement with Southampton for the transfer of Virgil Van Dijk*