I wanted to send some sort of holiday greeting to my friends and family, but
it is so difficult in today's world to know exactly what to say without
offending someone. So I met with my legal advisor yesterday, and on his
advice I wish to say the following,
Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit, my best wishes for an
environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low stress, non-addictive,
gender neutral celebration of the holiday, practiced with the most enjoyable
traditions of religious persuasion or secular practices of your choice with
respect for the religious/secular persuasions and/or traditions of others,
or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all.
I also wish you a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling and medically
uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar
year 2008, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other
cultures whose contributions to society have helped make our country great
and without regard to the race, creed, colour, age, physical ability,
religious faith or sexual preference of the wisher.
By accepting this greeting, you are accepting these terms:
This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal. It is freely
transferable with no alteration to the original greeting. It implies no
promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes for
her/himself or others and is void where prohibited by law, and is revocable
at the sole discretion of the wisher. This wish is warranted to perform as
expected within the usual application of good tidings for a period of one
year or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes
first, and warranty is limited to replacement of this wish or issuance of a
new wish at the sole discretion of the wisher.
Disclaimer: No trees were harmed in the sending of this message; however, a
significant number of electrons were slightly inconvenienced.
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