Unlikely lines to hear at Anfield

*in an american accent*

I could sure do with a hamburger.

great first half lads

Buy Lescott and throw out Carragher

"And now for us to finally unveil Liverpool's manager... Roy Keane! His first signings are bringing back his best friends and old Liverpool favourites... Djibrel Cisse and El Hadj Diouf!"

"And we would like to introduce the first Dancing On Ice live at Anfield and here is Tod Carty to perform his signature double backflip!"

Song from the Kop:
"We all dream of a team of Harry Kewells,
A team of Harry Kewells,
A team of Harry Kewell..."

"And here comes the introduction of new signings of Cristiano Ronaldo, Peter Schmeichael and David Beckham"

"And the new sponsorship deal is with AIG sponsorship"

I miss the good old days when Souness was in charge........

Sir Alex he is such a humble and caring human being.

"Of course i'll take my foot off your throat Sir Alex"

"Wayne my nan's single, you interested?"

Wayne: "No ta mate"

Another excellent display by Joey Barton

Ryan Giggs is a really deserved winner of the PFA player of the year award. Its things like this that really restore my faith in humanity!

................ and now thats the second £ 30 million player Hicks has bought this week.

 

I reckon their is a better atmosphere in the Stretford End!

The fans are chanting Lucas' name

"Jamie Carragher has bagged his 2nd of the game"

"Jamie Carragher has opened the scoring FOR Liverpool"

Benitez hasn't stood up all game. That cream he got for his piles must really be working...

And there's Kuyt with the ball.... I must say he's looking well today

And finally we resume today's showing of Jesus and Friends with special guests Elvis, Princess Di and the black Michael Jackson. (bit close to the bone perhaps)

It has been confirmed that Liverpool and Everton will swoop ground next season!

Unveiling the new mascot replacing the liverbird...Alex Ferguson!

And it's half time at Anfield and it's Liverpool 0 Newcastle 0.

Wait, is that Moyes running naked on the ground?

"Barmy Army"

I never have a problem getting tickets on the phone lines