Stevie and Nando - Is It Over?
The class arrived very early at school for the journey down to the ground ahead of the match with PSV.
Benitez: "Right lads, this is a very important game no?"
Kuyt: "It iz dat sir."
Benitez: "This is the compitition we want to win no?"
Kuyt: "Iz right again blood."
Benitez: "Well I want everyone to prove their worth to me on this journey. I won't be telling you the starting eleven until we get there, so best behaviour every single one of you
Spearing: "Especially you Grass."
Benayoun turned round and looked at Spearing before turning away to look at Mr Benitez.
Gerrard: "That was a lovely meal last night Nando. Thank you."
Torres: "Anytime my sweet."
Gerrard: "It's a shame the house burnt down in the process."
Torres: "At least we knew it was done."
Gerrard: "My sentiments exactly"
Hyypia: "Is Stevie still droolin' over Nando?"
Carragher: "Aye an' always will be probably. Nando cooked for 'im yisterdee ye know."
Hyypia: "What they 'ave?"
Carragher: "Corn flakes an it was burnt to a crisp. Soft b***ard didn't know to work the oven did he. Whole 'ouse went up."
Hyypia: "What was he doin' in the oven?."
Darby: "What was who doin' it what oven?"
Carragher: "Nando tryin' to make a romantic meal of corn flakes an' endin' up settin' fire to 'is entire 'ouse."
Agger: "How'd he manage that then?"
Carragher: "I dunno do I. Ask him."
Agger: "Nah he'll probably be all embarrassed."
Spearing: "Good. Eh Nando, 'aven't got any corn flakes on ye 'ave ye?"
Torres: "What?"
Spearing: "I said you 'aven't got any porn tapes on ye by any chance?"
The back stuggled to contain their laughter while Torres looked bemused.
Spearing: "Well have ye?"
Torres: "No I gave my last lot to Babel."
Spearing: "Are they firey hot?"
The backrow again started to splutter their laughing.
Torres: "What's so funny?"
Spearing: "Don't know mate, somethin' a bar this fella burnin' 'is 'ouse down while makin' corn flakes."
Torres: "Oh."
Spearing: "You 'eard a bar it?"
Gerrard: "Look Jay, leave it alright. Why have you got to hurt people's feelings like that?"
Spearing: "So says the lad who was all over Cilla Black like a rash."
Gerrard's face went bright red as Torres looked at him in disgust.
Torres: "You didn't. Please tell me you didn't."
Gerrard: "I'm sorry. It's just everything was getting on top of me and...
Spearing: "Including Cilla."
Gerrard: "...and she was there. She was like a mother figure to me and..."
Spearing: "More like grandmother"
Gerrard: "...and I didn't know what else to do."
Spearing: "Apart from sleep with her."
Gerrard: "Keep your nose out you poisioned sh*t stairing dwarf."
Spearing broke down laughing.
Torres: "I trusted you. I said I wouldn't go out partying with that lot because you asked me not to. Now you've gone and done it and what makes it worse is you cheated on me."
Gerrard: "Nando, I didn't honestly. Please listen to me."
Torres: "It's too late. It'll never work."
Torres ran and sat at the front of the bus.
Gerrard: "Thanks a lot Jay, you're meant to be my friend."
Spearing: "I am ye mate. Ye need to remember who ye are lad."
Gerrard: "Mates don't do that."
Reina: "Nobody does Cilla mate, but you did."
The backrow began laughing again while Gerrard sat motionlessly looking out at the empty seat beside him.
Babel: "Those tapes were good, thanks Nando."
Torres: "No problem."
Babel: "When you want them back?"
Torres: "I don't."
Aurelio: "Are you OK Nando?"
Torres: "Yes."
Aurelio: "Are you sure?"
Torres: "Yes."
Aurelio: "Really?"
Gerrard: "LOOK YOU F***ing IDIOT HE'S OK, LEAVE HIM ALONE."
Aurelio sat down with his lip trembling. Torres meanwhile turned back to the front of the bus, trying to avoid the gaze of Gerrard.
Carragher: "Look Stevie, he's obviously not interested lad, so just let it go eh?"
Gerrard: "I can't just let it go Carra."
Carragher: "Why not, ye let Jenny go?"
Gerrard: "That was different, she wasn't... Gerrard turned his head to look at Torres. him
Hyypia: "I think ye need to get a grip lad."
Gerrard: "It was 'is fault."
Spearing: "Don't go blamin' me Stevie. You're the one who couldn't keep 'is 'ands to 'imself.
Carragher: "Jay's right Ste. You've only got yeself to blame."
Gerrard: "How do I make it up to him?"
Carragher: "Go back to the old Stevie. The scouse, no sh*t takin Stevie. And take 'im out for a meal, tell 'im 'ow ye feel."
Reina: "As long as it's not corn flakes."
Carragher: "Now is not the time Pep."
Gerrard: "He won't even speak to me though Carra."
Carragher: "Tell ye what. Me and the lads'll 'ave a chat with 'im."
Gerrard nodded.
Lucas: "He's not worth worrying over Fernando. His best friend has always been that scumbag Carragher, no wonder he doesn't know what the word loyal means."
Torres: "He's never done this before though."
Lucas: "How do you know?"
Torres: "Because he's never told me."
Lucas: "He didn't tell you about this either did he?"
Torres: "Not exactly."
Lucas: "I wouldn't be surprised then if he's been at it since day one."
Torres: "Not my Stevie. In the beginning it was perfect. Where did it go wrong?"
Arbeloa: "Where did it all go wrong."
Alonso: "I say Alvaro old bean, now clearly isn't the time for singing. You can see Fernando is upset. Why do you not try comforting him?"
Torres: "That's OK Xabi. I'll manage."
Carragher: "Eh Nando, d'ye mind if we 'ave a word mate?"
Lucas: "Yes he does."
Hyypia: "Nobody asked you, so move you pr**k."
Hyypia threw Lucas four seats back and the others around Torres quickly got the message.
Carragher: "Stevie's 'art broken up there. He didn't mean to 'urt ye. It's just he was gettin' a load of stick off us."
Torres: "That doesn't mean he can cheat on me does it."
Carragher: "He didn't cheat on ye mate. He only danced with her."
Torres: "He said he slept with her."
Spearing: "I was 'avin' a laugh that's all Nando."
Torres: "My emotions are a joke to you?"
Spearing: "No course not. I didn't think ye'd be this upset. I'm sorry."
Torres: "Sorry? Sorry doesn't cut it. For you or for Stevie."
Carragher: "Ye wouldn't be this upset if he meant nothin' to ye now would ye? So let 'im explain 'imself. Away from all of this. Just you and 'im."
Torres: "No, he has to prove he's the man I fell in love with first."
Agger: "How can he if you won't let him speak to you?"
Torres: "Actions speak louder than words."
Carragher: "Well the lad is up there sobbin' 'is eyes out. That's a pretty strong action wouldn't ye say?"
Torres turned to look at Gerrard.
Torres: "But why did he do it?"
Carragher: "I can't answer that mate. Only Stevie can an' if ye want the answer, ye gonna have to listen to 'im. No one else. Then you're gonna 'ave to listen to ye 'art."
Torres: "Maybe you're right. And Carra?"
Carragher: "Yeah?"
Torres: "Thanks. It means a lot."
Carragher: "I just don't like seein' two of me mates upset."
Torres made his way to the back of the bus where Gerrard and Maschero were sat.
Torres: "Masch, can we have a minute?"
Mascherano nodded, growled and moved.
Torres: "The lads explained you wanted to speak to me."
Gerrard: "I'm sorry. I can't say it enough. I was stupid, it was a rush of blood to the head. I'm not making excuses, I was wrong. I should never treat someone like you the way I did."
Torres: "Don't be silly Stevie, you've treated me like a king these past 12 months."
Gerrard: "I still should never have left you and went with the boys."
Torres: "I can tell you're really sorry but I still haven't forgiven you."
Gerrard: "That's OK. I don't expect you to forgive me for a very long time. I'm just happy you're willing to speak to me, I don't even deserve that."
Torres: "How can I stay mad at you eh?"
Gerrard looked up and saw Torres smiling at him, which Steven replied with a smile back. The two returned to their seats and left the conversation at that.
Carragher: "I'm 'appy for Stevie, he did nothin' wrong really."
Hyypia: "I think it was just a hissy fit by Nando."
Darby: "f***in' drama queen."
Reina: "Queen alright."
The backrow laughed again, this time very openly.
Carragher: "It's been a long journey, we still ain't there either."
Agger: "I think this is one for the scrapbook though."
Carragher: "Too right Dan."
Darby: "You're rather quiet Jay."
Spearing: "Nothin' to say."
Darby: "Feelin' bad a bar the jokes?"
Spearing: "What you think lad?"
Carragher: "Oi don't you two start. Don't need another lover's tiff do we."
Darby: "Yeah you're right Carra."
Dossena: "I can smell corn flakes that have been burnt at gas mark 7 for 40 minutes."
Hyypia: "How do you know that lad?"
Dossena: "They were grandma's specialty."
Reina: "And your specialty was to eat them?"
Dossena: "Don't wind me up Reina."
Reina: "What are you a clock?"
Carragher: "If he is, the only time he tells is dinner time."
The backrow again laughed while Dossena gave up the arguement knowing he couldn't win.
Hyypia: "What's takin' so long tonight?"
Carragher: "Sammy's probably got lost."
Lee: "I heard that Carra. I'm not lost, it's the extra weight we're carryin' that's slowin' us down."
Reina: "Alright Chubs, get off. You can walk."
Carragher: "He could do with it."
While they went into another hysterical laughing round, the bus pulled up outside the ground and Mr Benitez rose and spoke.
Benitez: "OK, everybody off and straight into the changing rooms. I know you all want to know the team and after certain signs of maturity from some tonight on the bus, they are definately in my side. So everybody off.
The bus emptied with Gerrard and Torres holding hands.
While the lads leave to get chanced, the rest of the episode can be seen on Sky Sports later today.
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