Breaking News: Carlos Tevez Announces He Is Joining Liverpool (Satire)-Do not take this seriously!)
In a startling twist to the Carlos Tevez "he loves me, he loves me not saga," the man from Argentina has announced that he is joining what he calls "the true Reds" at the end of the season.
This news follows months (if the press are to be believed) of condescending treatment received by Tevez at Manchester United.
Kia Joorabchian, the Iranian-born suit who represents the group of investors that own the economic rights to Tevez, said that Liverpool, represented by their godfather Rafael Benitez, made an offer "I and my money-grubbing pals couldn't refuse."
The most relieved man to emerge from this saga is the man on the street, who before Tevez's move became official had been forced to endure weeks of the same old crappy headlines and motor-boating tactics used by the British media to make the public care.
Manchester United fans, on the other hand, when told that their talisman had decided to become the first Red Devil to switch to Merseyside in over 20 years, staged a sit-down protest outside Dimitar Berbatov's residence, holding placards saying "Go north!", "Why not you? Why Carlos?", and "Do you have any Bulgarian sausage available? We missed lunch."
Sir Alex Ferguson, who said last week that "the fans love a trier" and "that's the great thing about football—a lad who tries can be forgiven for a lot of things," was unavailable for comment.
Rumour has it that that Ferguson was busy stroking Cristiano Ronaldo's hair and whispering in his ear, "You are better looking than David." Ferguson's publicist, however, denies these allegations.
Rafael Benitez said about his latest acquisition: "Carlos is a very good player. He has the work rate of a hyperactive gopher, and this is what my team needs. He also speaks Spanish." When a reporter asked Benitez whether the team actually belonged to the fans, Benitez corrected himself by saying, "My and the shareholders' team."
Liverpool captain, and possible candidate for mayor, Steven Gerrard, who reportedly likes to be called "Stevie G" these days, was excited by Tevez's imminent arrival, telling an interviewer on Liverpool radio, "I'm excited by Tevez's imminent arrival."
With Manchester United's season not yet finished, Joorabchian said, "Carlos is still focused on winning the title and beating FC Messi in the Champions League final. He just needs to fit it all between travelling to Liverpool for his medical."
When asked about the transfer cost, Benitez referred the press to Liverpool's dynamic Yankee duo Tom Hicks and George Gillett. When the dual owners were contacted, their secretary said that the pair had gone away to the island of Papua New Guinea to try to rekindle their flagging relationship.
Some suspect that Liverpool have sold a percentage of the rights to their yet-to-be named new stadium to finance the move, considering how many parties are benefiting from the move. The London Stock Exchange noticed a 10 percent rise in Liverpool trading, stating that most of the action had originated from Indonesia.
Just something i found on the internet though quite funny!
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