The 'Quote of the Month Thread'

Nice pictures. I love Fernando but his hair is getting a bit much...

I'd try to strip Torres of everything he is wearing especially his boxers. 

Brilliant.

Maybe this is an example of why Torres takes the piss out of so many defenders.

From andylfcynwa about 4 hours after saying he was off to the pub in the 'Off to the Pub' thread:

Back home and the back legs have fell off on the kroneneburd not sure if thats how you spell it but it fcked me up big time.

We've all done it.

EDIT: I think he's talking about Kronenburg.

2ND EDIT: I'm not sure what he's trying to say about Kronenburg though.

3RD EDIT: It would have made a much better advert than all them scientists in lab coats bursting bubbles and looking French though wouldn't it?

From PJMAN in The Pets Thread. Fair play, the poor fella sounds desperate!

Always arguing with my wife and daughter about getting a dog. They want a lapdog to show off with (I think). My answer is always no. I will have to take it out, take it the vets, where does it go when we go away? etc. etc. So I had a big barney with my wife over something else and threatened to leave and go and live with my mam. 10 doors away. She said "Fine, go now." I replied that if I leave I will never come back because I am stubborn. A few days later my daughter, who is 20 asked me if I was going to live in my mams. I said to her; "Look love, we have been married 28 years and have a few barnies a month. Don't worry we love each other. It was nothing." She replied; "No Dad, If you go to your mums, me and me mum can get a dog." Such concern from one so young. So my daughter gets a flat in Wavertree with her boyfriend and I am at peace with the world. I helped her to move as quickly as I could. The flat stunk of damp and at 400 a month I was not happy. She has since returned to stay with us after 3 months and only brought a big fat dozy 9 month old bulldog with her to live in my house. It stinks of dog and farts and falls over all day. It's name is Red but she calls it Shankly I try to explain that it doesn't lknow it's got a new name, therfore will not answer. My wife spends more in the ASDA on the dogs sardines and presents than on me. Am I a moaner. It does not bark, so is still alive, but it has ate my work shoes. Please help

I know it's not from the forum but, my mate came up with an absolute diamond 2 days ago when we went for a few gentleman's halves in the local.

This girl walks past in the classic denim hotpants and stilettoes combo that get's me hot in places I never knew I had so I lean into my mate who's making it very obvious that he's drooling over her and I say 'She's bloody lovely, the things I'd do to her...' and his reply was....

'Mate, I'd turn her over and lick her arse like it was a cream egg'

I nearly inhaled my entire pint as I was drinking at the time.

!

The Americans are to sell up at 12 noon tomorrow to an arabian group consortium

Villa and silva will arrive on the mersey ferry from spain, as they have been on a cruise, its understood messi will also arrive on a submarine.

Benitez has a twin brother who has stared on the simpsons and Peter Crouch is the secret love child of sammy lee. Ive been digging around and ive just pulled these rumours from my arse.
Thats bound to get collybred excited

Quality stuff!

I know it's not from the forum but, my mate came up with an absolute diamond 2 days ago when we went for a few gentleman's halves in the local.

This girl walks past in the classic denim hotpants and stilettoes combo that get's me hot in places I never knew I had so I lean into my mate who's making it very obvious that he's drooling over her and I say 'She's bloody lovely, the things I'd do to her...' and his reply was....

'Mate, I'd turn her over and lick her arse like it was a cream egg'

I nearly inhaled my entire pint as I was drinking at the time.

I think he got it right on what are you trying to tell him, as well!

Got to bump this. Some hilarity this year! Might come in handy to jog your memory for the awards nominations. Some random funniness in here. That story about the dog from PJMAN.

It does not bark, so is still alive, but it has ate my work shoes.

Had to put this in here so I can remember when it comes to Quote of The Year at the end of the year!

As for Sam. I actually hate him. I want to smash his face with an iron. Or a brick.

Hope there's no Sam's on the forum, I was talking about Fatty Arbuckle Allardyce!

Let's be honest alli, most of that is like saying you don't get milk from cows, you get milk from the milkman, isn't it mate.

Love it Kenny mate.

Not from the forum but from sitting in the bar on saturday my mate came out with a cracker! Gary got himself a nice bag of salt n vinegar crisps and offered them around!
Tommy: Nah mate im off them for lent
Gary: No sweat
At this point Crilly takes one and sort of lobs it at tommy trying to tempt him to eat it
Tommy F**k off (at which point throws the crisp david blaine style at crilly and the crisp hits him in the eye and the crisp smashes into pieces)
Crilly: AAAAAAhhhhhhhhh me eyes stinging like a hookers arse!

Sorry, not from the forum but I thought this was a cracker!

During last season's Semi-Final, my cricket team had a horror start to the match as one of the openers, Daniel, inexplicably took suicidal runs and promptly ran out 4 of our best batters within the first 10 overs. Two of which, the keeper and second slip, didn't even get to face a ball!

When the time came for our team to bowl, Daniel made his way to first slip, and immediately loudly proclaimed: "Jeez, I'm rich!"
 When asked why, he told them that he was surrounded by diamonds!

At the time, I can assure you it didn't go down well, but the quote will be long remembered. 

Sorry, not from the forum but I thought this was a cracker!

During last season's Semi-Final, my cricket team had a horror start to the match as one of the openers, Daniel, inexplicably took suicidal runs and promptly ran out 4 of our best batters within the first 10 overs. Two of which, the keeper and second slip, didn't even get to face a ball!

When the time came for our team to bowl, Daniel made his way to first slip, and immediately loudly proclaimed: "Jeez, I'm rich!"
 When asked why, he told them that he was surrounded by diamonds!

At the time, I can assure you it didn't go down well, but the quote will be long remembered. 

I would of killed him! If someone does that this weekend in our final i will lose my sh*t with them, its against our massive rivals!

I would of killed him! If someone does that this weekend in our final i will lose my sh*t with them, its against our massive rivals!

Good luck mate. Our first final is on as well.

Quite surprised this one has never made it in here, even if it is one of my own

The one that always tickles me is Americans calling an arse a fanny.

Could cause all sorts of diplomatic incidents that one.

Why do you say that?

A fanny here is a womans special place, you know where you stick ya dick in.

An arse here is a bottom/backside somewhere else you can stick your dick in, that is if its a special anniversary/you hit the wrong hole or your missus is as pissed as a fart.

Am I the only one on here who still likes Michael Owen. In reality when your career looks to be going down the shi**er who wouldn't want to play for a top club AND THAT'S ANY TO CLUB to prove that he is still good enough for the top level. In an ideal world he would have loved if Rafa had called him up last summer but obviously Rafa thought N'Gog  and Voronin were better than Michael so he rejected that opportunity. I'm still delighted for Owen when he scores even for Manchester United because I think he's been horribly unlucky throughout his career who's goalscoring talents have deserved so much more. Here's for a great season next year Michael!

   ^   ^   ^
Ross that's got to be a wind up

 

In it goes. Had me in stitches...

From the 'Food' thread:

Kelloggs Elevenses Raisin Bake bar - sex in the mouth.

There's something wrong with you.

I know.

Love this off Facebook

Kopite No.1 - when you bring round that dvd, bring us round the dvd of your lot winning the derby. I have forgot what that looks like

Kopite No.2 - its only on video

^^ That is a good one that. 

F**k off Quote of the Month.

Here's quote of the year:

RAFA TO BLAME FOR ALL THIS

So as these results play out throughout this torrid season, we - the fans, want answers.
WHY are we doing so badly?
WHY when we had the league in our grasp last season have we failed so badly?
The team hasnt changed apart from Alonso
It must be Rafa's fault.

Well let's take a look past what Sky and tabloid "news"papers feed us and think for ourselves a second about what could be the cause for this slump.

We havent lost one player for a start since the end of last season - we've lost 7:

Alonso, Arbeloa, Keane, Dossena, Voronin, Pennant and Hyypia.
Between them they made 169 appearances last season scoring 17 goals.

Their sales netted us £57.8m.
Now they may not all be world beaters but they all chipped in when required and they were all extra bodies to rotate.
Have a think what an extra 17 goals could do to our current points tally in the league or Champions League status?

We've replaced those 7 this season with 4:

Johnson, Aquilani, Kyrgiakos and Rodriguez.
Between them they've made 44 starts this season, scoring 4 goals.

The latter 2 cost us £1.5m TOGETHER, the first 2 can be argued about but about £33m MAX in total (minus money owed for Crouch) and Aquilani on the drip.
Total £34.5m

A POSITIVE TRANSFER BALANCE of £23.3m (that means Benitez has actually MADE the club TWENTY THREE AND A HALF MILLION POUNDS) and somehow to replace those who have left we have to find an extra 125 appearances and 13 goals to make up from elsewhere in the existing squad.

A right back was needed to replace Arbeloa and we got an England International right back for £13m due to the monies owed to us for Crouch.
That's pretty much a bargain, and GOOD business.

Aquilani was of course, a gamble, which has not yet paid off.

Injuries dont help matters either because the other players (who arent good enough) in a smaller squad have to work even harder, and if THEY get injured, then we're really scraping the barrel.

Having a smaller squad could be thought of as playing every game with 10 men.
Not literally but over the course of the season, more players having to play more games will take its toll.

The other people filling in for the missing bodies and lack of top class players have been Lucas, Insua and Ngog who although may not be good enough have worked tirelessly.

Ngog and Insua started 16 games between them last season and didnt even make the top 18 appearing players.
This season already they've had to make 75 appearances between them and have worked damn hard, even though they're already condemned to be not good enough.
I'm not saying they are or aren't good enough.
I'm arguing that Rafa's hand has been forced into playing them.

Have they been brought in too soon?
Do people think Rafa thinks they are his first choice replacements?
Or forced to bring them in too soon cos there's no-one else?

It must be so demoralising to have the league in your hands last season and with a little extra push this season to go all the way. Look at the results in the top 4 this season - some shockers.
It was ours for the taking, yet it was taken away.

Gerrard scored 24 goals last season - this season? 8.

Some players arent good enough but are trying their hardest to do their job, some players ARE good enough but might have just given up.

I know one man who hasnt given up though.
The same man who didnt give up on Liverpool Football Club in Tokyo when his own father back home in Spain had just died.
He stayed with US when his father had just died.
Some people wont even give him the time of day only 10 months after getting us within a whisker of the league.

You may say its he who should instill morale into the team and should take the blame for the bad times.
If he is responsible for bad morale then it goes hand in hand that it is he who should take the credit for the good morale.
Look at the morale last season and the season before.
Look at the morale when winning European Cups, FA Cups, going to European Finals, getting SO CLOSE to winning the league.
The same people blaming him for this seasons low morale, conveniently ignore and wont credit him for the morale he's given the team, the fans and the city over the last 5 years.
When we used to sing his name over and over and over again in the match, in pubs, buses, trains and planes.
We were the envy of the footballing world for having him and what he'd brought back to Liverpool.
Yet people now want him gone.

The man would do anything for this club and for us and he's stuck with us through having his job offered away from under his feet, from being forced to sell players he needed.
You may question his decisions, you may question his man management, you may be baffled as to what is unfolding right before our eyes.
But dont question his devotion to this club, the fans and the people of the city.
The exact same people who have their daggers readily poised behind the man's back.

He's fighting our corner.
He's on our side.
He wants them out as much as we do and god knows they could be on their way out by the end of the year.

It baffles me how some people can be so fickle, short sighted and have such short memories to conveniently pin the lion's share of the blame on Rafa.
All for a few months of poor performances, with the depleted squad being the most obvious cause, and who do you think is to blame for that?
Do you really think he wants this?
Do you really think he's the major factor behind all of this?
Do you really think he's that apathetic about us?

He could have walked long ago but he gave it time.
Time he has spent under constant pressure, scrutiny, mocking, animosity.
He gave us his time.
We cant even give him a season.


YANKS OUT NOW


http://www.yanksout.com

Read it, understand, then go give Murph a +.