Gis a game!

Name: Shanice

Age: 16

Position: Anywhere! Preferably upfront.

Unique skills: I actually know how to score! Im miles better than Kuyt.

Minutes: Possibly 5, 10 if your lucky....

Cost: Im worth at least a fiver a week.

Things I won't do: Control the ball as badly as Kuyt.

Favourite word or phrase: Liverpool have conceded....again

Name: Shanice

Age: 16

Position: Anywhere! Preferably upfront.

Unique skills: I actually know how to score! Im miles better than Kuyt.

Minutes: Possibly 5, 10 if your lucky....

Cost: Im worth at least a fiver a week.

Things I won't do: Control the ball as badly as Kuyt.

Favourite word or phrase: Liverpool have conceded....again

Wahay another female has joined in

To Rafa Benitez and the Liverpool Coaching Staff,

Name: Alex Kelly

Age: 17

Position: Forward

Unique skills: I've got a 12 inch member which acts as a third leg.

Minutes: I reckon about 30 more than Aquilani...... so 30

Cost: Free but I'd like to have alternate goes with Gerrard's and Aquilani's wife before every match as a warm up

Things I won't do: Blame lucas

Favourite word or phrases: Mentality

Unique skills: I've got a 12 inch member which acts as a third leg.

Name: LP

Age: 21

Position: Defence, the closer to Reina the better

Unique Skills: I can speak Spanish. I'm the champion of Tetris.
I can do 'The crab' and can run in 6 inch heels. Not at the same time though... that would just look weird!

Minutes: The full 90.

Cost: 1 pair of Christian Louboutin's every week!!

Things I won't do: Tie my hair up, wear flat shoes, stop making sexual remarks towards Fernando Torres.

Favourite word or phrase: Laugh, Dance, Conquer!

Been laughing my head off reading through this. Brilliant.

Name: 7-KK-7

Age: 19

Position: Striker or anything that takes your fancy.

Unique skills: Can be extremely horny and up for it.

Minutes: Depends on if I'm tired or not.

Cost: Not into prostitution. Packet of Fruit Pastils would do.

Things I won't do: Moan or your wife.

Favourite word or phrase: Smee.

Name: LP

Age: 21

Position: Defence, the closer to Reina the better

Unique Skills: I can speak Spanish. I'm the champion of Tetris.
I can do 'The crab' and can run in 6 inch heels. Not at the same time though... that would just look weird!

Minutes: The full 90.

Cost: 1 pair of Christian Louboutin's every week!!

Things I won't do: Tie my hair up, wear flat shoes, stop making sexual remarks towards Fernando Torres.

Favourite word or phrase: Laugh, Dance, Conquer!

Nice one.

Name:  MsTorres    (my apologies to the real Mrs Torres!)

Age:  22

Position:  Second striker- Next to nando  

Unique Skills:  Can flash the opposion to distract them- then pass to Torres to work his magic!!

Minutes: 90+added time  (may be walking for the most part)

Cost:  Free

Things I wont do:  Dive, Give up, own goals..

Favourite Phase: Man it up!!

Name: Busy B.

Age: 18 years and 2 months.

Position: As close to Nando as possible.

Unique skills: Good at shopping so will find you a good bargain in the transfer market. A good masseuse. 

Minutes: As long as you need me to play for.

Cost: I'm a simple girl so just a hug from Nando and Pepe at the end of every match.

Things I won't do: Tell people about your secret relationship with Kuyt. Back the current owners.

Favourite word or phrase: It wasn't me!

Edit:  I want a hug from Nando too!!

Edit: Same!






And more

He'll be so tired from hugging us all.

haha crouchino!!  I was keeping it clean..

but seeing as u already crossed the line..

I'm a puff, though.

Loud. And. Proud.

who cares?!!  Its Nando!!

Name: Charles Ong

Age: 15

Position: Anywhere except goalkeeper because I'm a pussy

Unique Skills: I can speak Singlish. Throwing water bottles to the players. Can definitely walk up the tunnel touching the 'This Is Anfield' sign without falling and breaking my leg.

Minutes: Any amount. As long as I get to step on that professional grass.

Cost: Making friends with Rafa, Gerrard, Carra, Torres etc. Having their phone numbers would be a huge plus as well.

Things I won't do: Sucking cock. I'm not a slave.

Favourite word: Having sex tonight?

Name: Jay

Age: 19

Position: Goalkeeper (ill be rush keeper behind Reina)

Unique Skills: Ive got more hair on my head than Reina, Cav and Itange put together

Minutes: If its a saturday game ill probably have to sleep my hangover off at half time

Cost: Cheeky Sailor Jerry's hair of the dog before every game

Things i wont do: Mistake the ball for a beach ball

Favorite Word? Gafa... i think im going be sick!

Things I won't do: Sucking cock. I'm not a slave.

Wow Charlie   You'll have to realise tho' that, if you want to take Kuyt's place in the team, you'll have to do it and do it better.  

LP's wage demands gave me a good laugh 

This thread is brilliant  :

Unique Skills:  Can flash the opposion to distract them- then pass to Torres to work his magic!!

Yet very strange at the same time:

Things I won't do: Sucking cock. I'm not a slave.

To Rafa Benitez and the Liverpool Coaching Staff,

Name: C.C

Age: 18

Position: Manager

Unique skills: Play the players that played brilliant the game before

Minutes: 40years

Cost: A meal a day, a comfortable bed at training ground & a pack of Halls a day.

Things I won't do: Neglect the young players

Favorite word or phrase: F**k off ref. & go f**k your bossy Fergie.

To Rafa Benitez and the Liverpool Coaching Staff,

Name: BIG V

Age: 22

Position: Swinging my foot in front of goal. You know, at the ball, then it goes in the net? Scoring? Never heard of it? Well, we'll sort it out in training.

Unique skills: The Hamster Dance. I rock that mothafucka. And ill down a beer-bong while i do it.

Minutes: Well the dance is only a few minutes, but im sure i can do a few repetitions.

Cost: Carton of ale and a bottle of Jamo - per day. And a feel hug from Torres.

Things I won't do: Meryl Streep, Macy Gray, Hele- Oh, i mean.. pass backwards. And look like a sulking git.

Favorite word or phrase: F**k off, SHOUT!

Name: Barry

Age: 32

Position: From behind / Girl on top

Unique skills: I can drive and pick my nose at the same time.

Downfalls: Too nice.

Cost: One KFC variety meal.

Things I won't do: Full frontal nudity

Favourite word or phrase: For f**k sake.