The Funny Stuff thread

And  one from Germany, someone has type in the English translation.

Sorry cant post bigger pics, (help Mods)

 

Quality

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6VLYpKGVBUg


For your next holiday 

I've seen it before MsG but it still makes me laugh, I've been in yorkshire since R wera a nippa !

If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.
(Hardly seems worth it.)
 
 

If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb.
(Now that's more like it!)
 

The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet.
(O.M.G..!)





A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes.
(In my next life, I want to be a pig.)



A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to death. (Creepy.)
(I'm still not over the pig.)





Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories a hour
(Don't try this at home, maybe at work)




The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off.
(Honey, I'm home. What the...?!)
 
 
The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human jumping the length of a football field.
(30 minutes..lucky pig! Can you imagine?)
 
 
The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds.
(What could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond?)


Some lions mate over 50 times a day.
(I still want to be a pig in my next life...quality over quantity)
 
 
 
Butterflies taste with their feet.
(Something I always wanted to know.)

The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue. (Hmmmmmm........ )


Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people.

(If you're ambidextrous, do you split the difference?)


Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump.
(Okay, so that would be a good thing)

A cat's urine glows under a black light.
(I wonder who was paid to figure that out?)


An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
(I know some people like that)

Starfish have no brains
(I know some people like that too.)
 
 
Polar bears are left-handed.
(If they switch, they'll live a lot longer)
 
 
Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.
(What about that pig??)

Tevez finally reunited with the woman who ditched him as a baby.

The resemblance is remarkable 

Russell Brand's let things slip since he left the BBC.

And over in Manchester

^^ 

Recieved in an email this morning

Actual quotes from footballers:

'My parents have always been there for me, ever since I was about 7. '
David Beckham

'I would not be bothered if we lost every game as long as we won the league.'
Mark Viduka

'Alex Ferguson is the best manager I've ever had at this level. Well, he's the only manager I've actually had at this level. But he's the best manager I've ever had.'
David Beckham

'If you don't believe you can win, there is no point in getting out of bed at the end of the day.'
Neville Southall

'I've had 14 bookings this season - 8 of which were my fault, but 7 of which were disputable.'
Paul Gascoigne

'I've never wanted to leave. I'm here for the rest of my life, and hopefully after that as well.'
Alan Shearer

'I'd like to play for an Italian club, like Barcelona .'
Mark Draper

'You've got to believe that you're going to win, and I believe we'll win the World Cup until the final whistle blows and we're knocked out.'
Peter Shilton

'I faxed a transfer request to the club at the beginning of the week, but let me state that I don't want to leave Leicester .'
Stan Collymore

'I was watching the Blackburn game on TV on Sunday when it flashed on the screen that George (Ndah) had scored in the first minute at Birmingham . My first reaction was to ring him up. Then I remembered he was out there playing.'
Ade Akinbiyi

'Without being too harsh on David Beckham, he cost us the match.'
Ian Wright

'I'm as happy as I can be - but I have been happier.'
Ugo Ehiogu

' Leeds is a great club and it's been my home for years, even though I live in Middlesbrough.'
Jonathan Woodgate

'I can see the carrot at the end of the tunnel.'
Stuart Pearce

'I took a whack on my left ankle, but something told me it was my right.'
Lee Hendrie

'I couldn't settle in Italy - it was like living in a foreign country.'
Ian Rush

' Germany are a very difficult team to play...they had 11 internationals out there today.'
Steve Lomas

'I always used to put my right boot on first, and then obviously my right sock.'
Barry Venison

'I definitely want Brooklyn to be christened, but I don't know into what religion yet.'
David Beckham

'The Brazilians were South American, and the Ukrainians will be more European.'
Phil Neville

'All that remains is for a few dots and commas to be crossed.'
Mitchell Thomas

'One accusation you can't throw at me is that I've always done my best.'
Alan Shearer

'I'd rather play in front of a full house than an empty crowd.'
Johnny Giles

'Sometimes in football you have to score goals.'
Thierry Henry

'If you don't believe you can win, there is no point in getting out of bed at the end of the day.'
Neville Southall

This one never fails to make me laugh. 

It shows you with footballers they might be good with a ball, but really they are thick as s**t

Your wife decides to go out with her friends on a girls night dancing....

You're okay with it, because you get to watch sports all night....

You hear her stumble into bed around 4am and laugh knowing she's
going to have a monster hangover....

You wake up next morning and go outside to the family Volvo, which
she used last night...

You sigh in relief because it's all in one piece....

You circle the car looking for dents and find none....

But then .... Wait a
minute....

A picture is worth a thousand words....



SCROLL DOWN!!!

Nice one Venners !
my favourite position too !

Since were all probably in a good mood tonight, here's a funny clip to go with it! 

Make sure to watch it all!

http://fr.youtube.com/watch?v=V4F0QbHl2AQ

This is a great video, I know it was on on like page 1 or something, but this is abetter version of it.

(Watch the door)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b55ezSdOuqc

(Courtesy of my brother surfing the net)






(feel free to delete or move the post)

Cant load anything on my works pc ,check out concrete football u-tube funny stuff.