Hey guys, I got this from another forum I visit on occasion
talkLFC. I found it hilarious, but I'm easily pleased
Exclusive Preview Of Rafa's New Book!
(Translated from it's native Spanish)
..... so I thought I'd better ring Stevie to give him the latest transfer news. I like to keep the skipper informed, or he tends to stick my head town the toilet and repeatedly flush it. Oh, the fun we have. Of course, conversations between us have been difficult in the past, so I'd bought a 'Scouse/English' dictionary to prevent any misunderstandings.
Rafa "Hello Stevie, we've signed Craig Bellamy!"
Stevie "That's boss!"
What did he say? Quickly, I thumbed through the dictionary .... oh, it means 'good'.
Rafa "Yes it is, but there is a problem"
Stevie "Yes, I know. he's Welsh."
What did he say? Again, I thumbed through the dictionary. What is Scouse for Welsh? ............ blimey, should he be swearing like that? I decided to ignore it, and move on.
Rafa "No, it's not that. In fact, It's the fact he might be a bit volatile"
Stevie "Not a problem. I'll get Carra to stone him"
Never understood a word. What does 'stone' mean? .......... Oh my god - he's going to get Carra to give him a joint! I wonder if Robbie will sell him some?
Stevie "Anyway, if he's volatile, why did you sign him?"
Rafa "Well, he's quick, and he can score with both feet."
Stevie "And?"
Rafa "What do you mean, and?"
Stevie "Come on, admit it"
Rafa "No, really - he's quick, can beat defenders, has two great feet, and ....... oh, OK, he was cheap"
I can't repeat what Stevie said next. Anyway, I don't think Rick Parry's head would fit up there. It would make David Moore's eyes water, that's for sure.
I decided to move on, and tell Stevie about our other target.
Rafa "Stevie, calm down. Listen, were going to buy Alves"
Stevie "Who? Never heard of him."
Rafa "But he's Brazilian! Don't you remember, I asked you what you wanted for your Birthday, and you said you didn't know, but Alex wanted a Brazilian. Well, if it's good enough for old whisky-breath, then it's good enough for us!"
Stevie "No, Alex - my partner Alex, you plank. And the Brazilian was ... erm ... well, it means being ... you know ... shaved."
His 'partner' is called Alex - and needs a shave! Blimey, has Stevie's gone all 'Christiano Ronaldo' - who'd have thought it?
Stevie "Listen, I've gotts go. Just sign someone decent, and I'll see you soon. Remember - your the man!"
What did he mean by that? How can I be Hamann?? I'm Rafa, everyone knows that!
