Pinched this off another forum, stick with it, its dead funny
Its 1966 and Everton F.C reach the F.A cup final. At Garston docks a docker called Peter Smith bets half the work force half a crown each that he will swim in the fountain in Trafalgar Square. "No chance, the police are putting a ring of officers around it after the liverpool fans took over it" (or words to that effect) unpeturbed Peter bets them all the money confident in himself. At this point it should be pointed out that Peter doesn't dress or talk like your average Liverpool docker, he has a slightly put on posh accent and is always well turned out, wearing a suit to go the game.
So cup final day arrives and the blues head for Trafalgar Square and sure enough, a ring of police face the crowd with arms entwined as to stop the water being invaded, 2 blues have breached the cordon and are pissed in the upper reaches of the fountain swigging bottles of brown.
The assembled dockers are all made up as it looks like half a crown each is coming their way, but Peter has a different idea, He circles the line of police and finds a likeliy target, just like a lioness picks out a weak zebra. He approaches a young copper and introduces himself, "Hello officer, Peter Smith, chairman of Everton F.C supporters club, may I just apologise on behalf of all Evertonians on the behaviour of these 2 clowns for causing such embarrasment!" the young copper is very impressed by the well dressed, smooth talking model of decorum, and falls totally for the killer line. "Would you like me to have a word with these 2 in my official capacity?" "o.k sir, very kind of you" says young plod and lets Peter through the cordon.
All of a sudden a piercing whistle rings throughout the square and all the blues look towards the fountain, where Peter is rubbing his thumb against his fingers "Fagin" style. All the dockers cant believe their eyes as he swan dives, fully clothed into the fountain and proceeds to do the backstroke thinking of his winnings. The young copper is getting a bollocking as Peter stands up and leans against the main stem of the fountain, only to be knocked unconscious by a falling bottle of brown dropped by one of the pissed up blues. Luckily for him this meant an ambulance instead of a meat wagon.
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And another:
At Sunday's game against Chelsea and 'joke hole' trots past warming up in front of the paddock. He does some stretches and bends over with his arse facing the fans, then rubs his hands up his legs to his bum, a few times. To which someone shouts "How many times do I have to tell you joe, I don't want you"
