Haven't been on the forum in a while. Finding my life very tough at the moment. First time I've logged in for a while and I stumble across this thread.
I ran my own company for years which was a family business. I had a fallout with my father and we haven't spoken in a while now. I left the company and lost my livelihood. Im now in a bit of debt because of it.
I have a son, he's nearly 9. For some strange reason, his mother just can't be civil even though we parted ways shortly after he was born. She is just determined to make my life a misery. Always wants war. Always wants drama. It's an every day occurrence.
We've had the same arrangements in place for his whole life but she's recently drragged me through the courts to try and reduce my time with him and to increase hers. She asked that my time was cut by 50%. This was incredibly tough and stressful.
Then to top everything off, I found out on friday night just gone that my fiancé who I've been with for almost 7 years now (proposed may 2018) has been having an affair with a man she works with for several months. I knew she was upto something and it was making me miserable for ages and then I eventually discovered it all out this weekend.
My partner also has a child the same age. I've been her step dad for seven years. So my family is just completely broken now.
I'm finding it really tough. Very tough. I feel like I've lost my mind. I feel like I'm going insane. I'm just incredibly sad and I can't describe the pain that just won't go away. I can't sleep or eat. I just feel so unwell.
I've been drinking heavily this weekend after discovering what my partner was upto, and then on Saturday morning I went for a walk but only ended up at the local train station. I wanted to throw myself infront of a train and just end it all. I started to write a letter on my phone to my son and I burst out crying. Went through my photos of him and cried more. I couldn't go through with it. I couldn't do it to him.
Since then I put a cry out to Facebook. I asked if anyone was free for a chat because I was really struggling and I needed help. The responses I got was actually overwhelming. So many people asked to see me and if I was ok.
A couple of mates came and got me and we just sat and talked for ages. It helped.
And that's all I've done every day since. Getting outdoors. Trying to be active. Always with somebody. Always talking to somebody. And it's helping, slowly.
My dad has since been in touch and we hugged it out. He's suggested I go and stay with my sister for a few days who lives down south, which I think is a good idea.
Right now I'm typing this in the spare bedroom of my best friends house. He's looked after me.
I'm trying my best to get through it. To get a grip. To man up. But it's F***ing hard man. And I'm really F***ing struggling right now.
If Liverpool don't win this F***ing league it's going to push me over the edge