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      The mental health thread

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      Lallana in Pyjamas
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      Re: The mental health thread
      Reply #184: Mar 08, 2023 10:13:21 am
      I’m hanging in there at the moment just about - this morning was a big struggle and sleep is a thing of the past and the weight is dropping off me but I’m currently back in America now with some family so I can be away from all triggers and hopefully get myself in a bit of a better way.

      Sorry to Cas, Dave, John and everyone else who has messaged me. I will get back to all of you soon, I’m just having a bit of a time out from my phone/laptop etc.

      It means a lot everyone who has reached out.

      Hi mate


      Don’t really know you as well as other but thought would check in and see how you are doing
      7-King Kenny-7
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      Re: The mental health thread
      Reply #185: Mar 25, 2023 04:21:30 pm
      People tell me it gets easier over time but it doesn’t feel that way, feels like it’s getting worse. The more time goes on the more I’m blaming myself. I feel stuck in a hole of depression and there’s no way out.

      I’m desperate to get her back, the brief times we’ve spoken or seen each other I have had to put on a brave face. I have no chance if I’m begging and pleading with her, trying to convince her. I’m trying to change myself for the better but it’s easier said than done when every second of the day is my mind torturing me.
      We messaged a bit but she was making it clear she didn’t want to and a week or so ago she ripped me to pieces saying her mind is made up, we won’t get through it, her feelings have changed etc and all I was replying with was questions to try and understand where it went wrong. I still don’t know but I do blame myself for things I said in the build up to it which upon reflection, were unnecessary and were probably the tipping point for any doubts she had. She was saying how low she felt in life and lost and I ignored it with my own stresses, became overwhelmed and wrongly aimed it at her.

      The thought of her moving on and being with someone else sooner or later, someone else making her happy, having their hands on her, making her smile etc rips me apart.

      I don’t really use my phone now; I’m doing a no contact period with her, one of my best mates said it might give her the chance to miss me so if I don’t have my phone on me, it takes away the temptation to just quickly message her.
      But I’m not confident, it’s just going to make it easier for her to get over me and she’s already once said that she’s doing ok without me. But, what have I got to lose at this point? She’s already left me.
       I just pray that after a period of no contact, it gives us both chance to heal and we are able to reconnect but I have about 0.5% confidence in that happening - she’ll probably just tell me she’s speaking to someone else by that point.

      I feel trapped in a hole of unhappiness with constant fear and there’s not even a glimmer of light.

      Sorry once again that I’ve still not gotten back to the messages from people, I will do so, I just can’t be using my phone much at the moment.
      Keith Singleton
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      Re: The mental health thread
      Reply #186: Mar 25, 2023 04:45:59 pm
      People tell me it gets easier over time but it doesn’t feel that way, feels like it’s getting worse. The more time goes on the more I’m blaming myself. I feel stuck in a hole of depression and there’s no way out.

      I’m desperate to get her back, the brief times we’ve spoken or seen each other I have had to put on a brave face. I have no chance if I’m begging and pleading with her, trying to convince her. I’m trying to change myself for the better but it’s easier said than done when every second of the day is my mind torturing me.
      We messaged a bit but she was making it clear she didn’t want to and a week or so ago she ripped me to pieces saying her mind is made up, we won’t get through it, her feelings have changed etc and all I was replying with was questions to try and understand where it went wrong. I still don’t know but I do blame myself for things I said in the build up to it which upon reflection, were unnecessary and were probably the tipping point for any doubts she had. She was saying how low she felt in life and lost and I ignored it with my own stresses, became overwhelmed and wrongly aimed it at her.

      The thought of her moving on and being with someone else sooner or later, someone else making her happy, having their hands on her, making her smile etc rips me apart.

      I don’t really use my phone now; I’m doing a no contact period with her, one of my best mates said it might give her the chance to miss me so if I don’t have my phone on me, it takes away the temptation to just quickly message her.
      But I’m not confident, it’s just going to make it easier for her to get over me and she’s already once said that she’s doing ok without me. But, what have I got to lose at this point? She’s already left me.
       I just pray that after a period of no contact, it gives us both chance to heal and we are able to reconnect but I have about 0.5% confidence in that happening - she’ll probably just tell me she’s speaking to someone else by that point.

      I feel trapped in a hole of unhappiness with constant fear and there’s not even a glimmer of light.

      Sorry once again that I’ve still not gotten back to the messages from people, I will do so, I just can’t be using my phone much at the moment.

      This has been going on a while now and still no change to make your life any happier. Women are very strange creatures and I’m not sure we will ever work them out. My heart bleeds for you and can only hope you get some comfort going forward soon. 
      racerx34
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      Re: The mental health thread
      Reply #187: Mar 25, 2023 04:49:19 pm
      People tell me it gets easier over time but it doesn’t feel that way, feels like it’s getting worse. The more time goes on the more I’m blaming myself. I feel stuck in a hole of depression and there’s no way out.

      I’m desperate to get her back, the brief times we’ve spoken or seen each other I have had to put on a brave face. I have no chance if I’m begging and pleading with her, trying to convince her. I’m trying to change myself for the better but it’s easier said than done when every second of the day is my mind torturing me.
      We messaged a bit but she was making it clear she didn’t want to and a week or so ago she ripped me to pieces saying her mind is made up, we won’t get through it, her feelings have changed etc and all I was replying with was questions to try and understand where it went wrong. I still don’t know but I do blame myself for things I said in the build up to it which upon reflection, were unnecessary and were probably the tipping point for any doubts she had. She was saying how low she felt in life and lost and I ignored it with my own stresses, became overwhelmed and wrongly aimed it at her.

      The thought of her moving on and being with someone else sooner or later, someone else making her happy, having their hands on her, making her smile etc rips me apart.

      I don’t really use my phone now; I’m doing a no contact period with her, one of my best mates said it might give her the chance to miss me so if I don’t have my phone on me, it takes away the temptation to just quickly message her.
      But I’m not confident, it’s just going to make it easier for her to get over me and she’s already once said that she’s doing ok without me. But, what have I got to lose at this point? She’s already left me.
       I just pray that after a period of no contact, it gives us both chance to heal and we are able to reconnect but I have about 0.5% confidence in that happening - she’ll probably just tell me she’s speaking to someone else by that point.

      I feel trapped in a hole of unhappiness with constant fear and there’s not even a glimmer of light.

      Sorry once again that I’ve still not gotten back to the messages from people, I will do so, I just can’t be using my phone much at the moment.

      You need to listen to your friend, take a step back and give her some space.
      Within that you need to find focus for yourself on something else in that time.
      Be it running/training whatever gets you focused somewhere else.

      You need to focus on yourself right now and see how it goes from there.
      Lallana in Pyjamas
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      Re: The mental health thread
      Reply #188: Mar 25, 2023 04:53:14 pm
      People tell me it gets easier over time but it doesn’t feel that way, feels like it’s getting worse. The more time goes on the more I’m blaming myself. I feel stuck in a hole of depression and there’s no way out.

      I’m desperate to get her back, the brief times we’ve spoken or seen each other I have had to put on a brave face. I have no chance if I’m begging and pleading with her, trying to convince her. I’m trying to change myself for the better but it’s easier said than done when every second of the day is my mind torturing me.
      We messaged a bit but she was making it clear she didn’t want to and a week or so ago she ripped me to pieces saying her mind is made up, we won’t get through it, her feelings have changed etc and all I was replying with was questions to try and understand where it went wrong. I still don’t know but I do blame myself for things I said in the build up to it which upon reflection, were unnecessary and were probably the tipping point for any doubts she had. She was saying how low she felt in life and lost and I ignored it with my own stresses, became overwhelmed and wrongly aimed it at her.

      The thought of her moving on and being with someone else sooner or later, someone else making her happy, having their hands on her, making her smile etc rips me apart.

      I don’t really use my phone now; I’m doing a no contact period with her, one of my best mates said it might give her the chance to miss me so if I don’t have my phone on me, it takes away the temptation to just quickly message her.
      But I’m not confident, it’s just going to make it easier for her to get over me and she’s already once said that she’s doing ok without me. But, what have I got to lose at this point? She’s already left me.
       I just pray that after a period of no contact, it gives us both chance to heal and we are able to reconnect but I have about 0.5% confidence in that happening - she’ll probably just tell me she’s speaking to someone else by that point.

      I feel trapped in a hole of unhappiness with constant fear and there’s not even a glimmer of light.

      Sorry once again that I’ve still not gotten back to the messages from people, I will do so, I just can’t be using my phone much at the moment.

      I know it’s tough but you need to listen to your friend and cut of the ties at the moment


      It’s the old saying if it’s meant to be then you both find your way back to each other


      Need to find something to focus on - walking , running , getting out of the house etc


      It’s not easy but you can get through it
      FATKOPITE10
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      Re: The mental health thread
      Reply #189: Mar 25, 2023 05:10:51 pm

      So sorry to hear that you're still struggling,  it's so difficult and it's so easy to get wrapped up in something that makes you feel unable to carry on. Easy, straightforward and everyday things you take for granted become difficult,  it becomes a vicious circle. Listen to your friend, believes me cutting myself off from the outside world does more harm than good.  Take care of yourself,  just take one day at a time , don't be too proud to reach out , even if it's just to check in .
      7-King Kenny-7
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      Re: The mental health thread
      Reply #190: Mar 25, 2023 05:38:24 pm
      Thank you again for the kind replies.

      I’m going to get back to the gym, I haven’t got the motivation for it but I need to take the leap and it might help if I can at least get back into that routine of focus.
      racerx34
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      Re: The mental health thread
      Reply #191: Mar 25, 2023 05:47:00 pm
      Thank you again for the kind replies.

      I’m going to get back to the gym, I haven’t got the motivation for it but I need to take the leap and it might help if I can at least get back into that routine of focus.

      Don't set yourself any goals except to just show up and put the effort in for a few months.
      If nothing else it will give you some focus/routine and help work stuff out in your head.
      HScRed1
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      Re: The mental health thread
      Reply #192: Mar 26, 2023 12:14:18 am
      Personally I would suggest to set yourself a target to show yourself what you can achieve.

      End of the day just remember “If you found it in your heart to care for someone else, you have succeeded”.
      higgy_sham
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      Re: The mental health thread
      Reply #193: Mar 26, 2023 02:34:12 am
      Thank you again for the kind replies.

      I’m going to get back to the gym, I haven’t got the motivation for it but I need to take the leap and it might help if I can at least get back into that routine of focus.

      Get back to it mate, it will definitely help your mood.

      As Racer says just show up to start with then you can set yourself small goals.

      I'll not pretend like my current situation is anywhere near as bad as yours but I started back to the gym last week after being in a bit of a rut and my mood has lifted 10 fold even after one session.

      Even years ago when I was in a sh*te place it 100% helped me get out of a bad mindset, it gave me something to focus on and took my mind off certain things.

      Take each day as it comes mate and as I said before my inbox is always open.
      Klopps Snood
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      Re: The mental health thread
      Reply #194: Mar 26, 2023 10:10:01 pm
      Some great advice from your fellow reds Ben, we all feel your pain and sadness, one day at a time is what I suggest and hopefully you feel a little bit stronger and able to cope with everything a little bit better as time goes by.

      Only you and her know what the whole situation is and only you and her can fix it, time is a great healer though.

      All you can do is be honest and be patient with the situation and I am keeping my fingers crossed that it all works out well for you, love Cas xx

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