The mental health thread

I’m hanging in there at the moment just about - this morning was a big struggle and sleep is a thing of the past and the weight is dropping off me but I’m currently back in America now with some family so I can be away from all triggers and hopefully get myself in a bit of a better way.

Sorry to Cas, Dave, John and everyone else who has messaged me. I will get back to all of you soon, I’m just having a bit of a time out from my phone/laptop etc.

It means a lot everyone who has reached out.

Hi mate


Don’t really know you as well as other but thought would check in and see how you are doing

People tell me it gets easier over time but it doesn’t feel that way, feels like it’s getting worse. The more time goes on the more I’m blaming myself. I feel stuck in a hole of depression and there’s no way out.

I’m desperate to get her back, the brief times we’ve spoken or seen each other I have had to put on a brave face. I have no chance if I’m begging and pleading with her, trying to convince her. I’m trying to change myself for the better but it’s easier said than done when every second of the day is my mind torturing me.
We messaged a bit but she was making it clear she didn’t want to and a week or so ago she ripped me to pieces saying her mind is made up, we won’t get through it, her feelings have changed etc and all I was replying with was questions to try and understand where it went wrong. I still don’t know but I do blame myself for things I said in the build up to it which upon reflection, were unnecessary and were probably the tipping point for any doubts she had. She was saying how low she felt in life and lost and I ignored it with my own stresses, became overwhelmed and wrongly aimed it at her.

The thought of her moving on and being with someone else sooner or later, someone else making her happy, having their hands on her, making her smile etc rips me apart.

I don’t really use my phone now; I’m doing a no contact period with her, one of my best mates said it might give her the chance to miss me so if I don’t have my phone on me, it takes away the temptation to just quickly message her.
But I’m not confident, it’s just going to make it easier for her to get over me and she’s already once said that she’s doing ok without me. But, what have I got to lose at this point? She’s already left me.
 I just pray that after a period of no contact, it gives us both chance to heal and we are able to reconnect but I have about 0.5% confidence in that happening - she’ll probably just tell me she’s speaking to someone else by that point.

I feel trapped in a hole of unhappiness with constant fear and there’s not even a glimmer of light.

Sorry once again that I’ve still not gotten back to the messages from people, I will do so, I just can’t be using my phone much at the moment.

People tell me it gets easier over time but it doesn’t feel that way, feels like it’s getting worse. The more time goes on the more I’m blaming myself. I feel stuck in a hole of depression and there’s no way out.

I’m desperate to get her back, the brief times we’ve spoken or seen each other I have had to put on a brave face. I have no chance if I’m begging and pleading with her, trying to convince her. I’m trying to change myself for the better but it’s easier said than done when every second of the day is my mind torturing me.
We messaged a bit but she was making it clear she didn’t want to and a week or so ago she ripped me to pieces saying her mind is made up, we won’t get through it, her feelings have changed etc and all I was replying with was questions to try and understand where it went wrong. I still don’t know but I do blame myself for things I said in the build up to it which upon reflection, were unnecessary and were probably the tipping point for any doubts she had. She was saying how low she felt in life and lost and I ignored it with my own stresses, became overwhelmed and wrongly aimed it at her.

The thought of her moving on and being with someone else sooner or later, someone else making her happy, having their hands on her, making her smile etc rips me apart.

I don’t really use my phone now; I’m doing a no contact period with her, one of my best mates said it might give her the chance to miss me so if I don’t have my phone on me, it takes away the temptation to just quickly message her.
But I’m not confident, it’s just going to make it easier for her to get over me and she’s already once said that she’s doing ok without me. But, what have I got to lose at this point? She’s already left me.
 I just pray that after a period of no contact, it gives us both chance to heal and we are able to reconnect but I have about 0.5% confidence in that happening - she’ll probably just tell me she’s speaking to someone else by that point.

I feel trapped in a hole of unhappiness with constant fear and there’s not even a glimmer of light.

Sorry once again that I’ve still not gotten back to the messages from people, I will do so, I just can’t be using my phone much at the moment.

This has been going on a while now and still no change to make your life any happier. Women are very strange creatures and I’m not sure we will ever work them out. My heart bleeds for you and can only hope you get some comfort going forward soon. 

People tell me it gets easier over time but it doesn’t feel that way, feels like it’s getting worse. The more time goes on the more I’m blaming myself. I feel stuck in a hole of depression and there’s no way out.

I’m desperate to get her back, the brief times we’ve spoken or seen each other I have had to put on a brave face. I have no chance if I’m begging and pleading with her, trying to convince her. I’m trying to change myself for the better but it’s easier said than done when every second of the day is my mind torturing me.
We messaged a bit but she was making it clear she didn’t want to and a week or so ago she ripped me to pieces saying her mind is made up, we won’t get through it, her feelings have changed etc and all I was replying with was questions to try and understand where it went wrong. I still don’t know but I do blame myself for things I said in the build up to it which upon reflection, were unnecessary and were probably the tipping point for any doubts she had. She was saying how low she felt in life and lost and I ignored it with my own stresses, became overwhelmed and wrongly aimed it at her.

The thought of her moving on and being with someone else sooner or later, someone else making her happy, having their hands on her, making her smile etc rips me apart.

I don’t really use my phone now; I’m doing a no contact period with her, one of my best mates said it might give her the chance to miss me so if I don’t have my phone on me, it takes away the temptation to just quickly message her.
But I’m not confident, it’s just going to make it easier for her to get over me and she’s already once said that she’s doing ok without me. But, what have I got to lose at this point? She’s already left me.
 I just pray that after a period of no contact, it gives us both chance to heal and we are able to reconnect but I have about 0.5% confidence in that happening - she’ll probably just tell me she’s speaking to someone else by that point.

I feel trapped in a hole of unhappiness with constant fear and there’s not even a glimmer of light.

Sorry once again that I’ve still not gotten back to the messages from people, I will do so, I just can’t be using my phone much at the moment.

You need to listen to your friend, take a step back and give her some space.
Within that you need to find focus for yourself on something else in that time.
Be it running/training whatever gets you focused somewhere else.

You need to focus on yourself right now and see how it goes from there.

People tell me it gets easier over time but it doesn’t feel that way, feels like it’s getting worse. The more time goes on the more I’m blaming myself. I feel stuck in a hole of depression and there’s no way out.

I’m desperate to get her back, the brief times we’ve spoken or seen each other I have had to put on a brave face. I have no chance if I’m begging and pleading with her, trying to convince her. I’m trying to change myself for the better but it’s easier said than done when every second of the day is my mind torturing me.
We messaged a bit but she was making it clear she didn’t want to and a week or so ago she ripped me to pieces saying her mind is made up, we won’t get through it, her feelings have changed etc and all I was replying with was questions to try and understand where it went wrong. I still don’t know but I do blame myself for things I said in the build up to it which upon reflection, were unnecessary and were probably the tipping point for any doubts she had. She was saying how low she felt in life and lost and I ignored it with my own stresses, became overwhelmed and wrongly aimed it at her.

The thought of her moving on and being with someone else sooner or later, someone else making her happy, having their hands on her, making her smile etc rips me apart.

I don’t really use my phone now; I’m doing a no contact period with her, one of my best mates said it might give her the chance to miss me so if I don’t have my phone on me, it takes away the temptation to just quickly message her.
But I’m not confident, it’s just going to make it easier for her to get over me and she’s already once said that she’s doing ok without me. But, what have I got to lose at this point? She’s already left me.
 I just pray that after a period of no contact, it gives us both chance to heal and we are able to reconnect but I have about 0.5% confidence in that happening - she’ll probably just tell me she’s speaking to someone else by that point.

I feel trapped in a hole of unhappiness with constant fear and there’s not even a glimmer of light.

Sorry once again that I’ve still not gotten back to the messages from people, I will do so, I just can’t be using my phone much at the moment.

I know it’s tough but you need to listen to your friend and cut of the ties at the moment


It’s the old saying if it’s meant to be then you both find your way back to each other


Need to find something to focus on - walking , running , getting out of the house etc


It’s not easy but you can get through it

brief

So sorry to hear that you're still struggling,  it's so difficult and it's so easy to get wrapped up in something that makes you feel unable to carry on. Easy, straightforward and everyday things you take for granted become difficult,  it becomes a vicious circle. Listen to your friend, believes me cutting myself off from the outside world does more harm than good.  Take care of yourself,  just take one day at a time , don't be too proud to reach out , even if it's just to check in .

Thank you again for the kind replies.

I’m going to get back to the gym, I haven’t got the motivation for it but I need to take the leap and it might help if I can at least get back into that routine of focus.

Thank you again for the kind replies.

I’m going to get back to the gym, I haven’t got the motivation for it but I need to take the leap and it might help if I can at least get back into that routine of focus.

Don't set yourself any goals except to just show up and put the effort in for a few months.
If nothing else it will give you some focus/routine and help work stuff out in your head.

Personally I would suggest to set yourself a target to show yourself what you can achieve.

End of the day just remember “If you found it in your heart to care for someone else, you have succeeded”.

Thank you again for the kind replies.

I’m going to get back to the gym, I haven’t got the motivation for it but I need to take the leap and it might help if I can at least get back into that routine of focus.

Get back to it mate, it will definitely help your mood.

As Racer says just show up to start with then you can set yourself small goals.

I'll not pretend like my current situation is anywhere near as bad as yours but I started back to the gym last week after being in a bit of a rut and my mood has lifted 10 fold even after one session.

Even years ago when I was in a sh*te place it 100% helped me get out of a bad mindset, it gave me something to focus on and took my mind off certain things.

Take each day as it comes mate and as I said before my inbox is always open.

Some great advice from your fellow reds Ben, we all feel your pain and sadness, one day at a time is what I suggest and hopefully you feel a little bit stronger and able to cope with everything a little bit better as time goes by.

Only you and her know what the whole situation is and only you and her can fix it, time is a great healer though.

All you can do is be honest and be patient with the situation and I am keeping my fingers crossed that it all works out well for you, love Cas xx

I cut contact with her from the last time I posted and I started to get into a bit of a routine, started seeing some friends more. The pain was still there but I was getting out more.
I have also been going to a therapist for a few weeks now.

Last week she reached out to ask how I was doing which I thought was nice… she soon followed that up with asking for the rest of her stuff back. Arranged to give her stuff back to her on a day that suited me.
Anyway, we met up and had a drink in a cafe and talked normally, she was laughing and everything seemed good and I thought “ok this is seeming ok, maybe at the end if it’s still like this will ask if she fancies hanging out again soon”…. Then bam!!! She started asking if we were friends and if we would be friends no matter what and she started looking awkward and I knew exactly what she was heading towards so I asked her - “is there someone else?” And her reply was “I’ve started seeing someone from work”. I asked who because I had my suspicions and she said exactly who I thought she was going to say. She said he initiated it but they’ve been on a few dates and kissed… I dread to think what else but the thought of them being together like that kills me. So I got her stuff out of my car, I put it in her car and then I said to her “see you around, look after yourself” and then I got in my car and drove the f**k away from her and didn’t look back at her. When I was getting in the car she looked so shocked because she didn’t expect that. It was so damn hard but I made sure I didn’t fall apart in front of her, just kept my composure as best I could and got away from the situation.

I think she’s been seeing him for about 3-4 weeks but they’ve been talking a lot longer than that, so it goes to show exactly what she thought of our relationship and me. I feel so betrayed as well as heart broken.

I think he’s been eyeing her up for some time and people have told me he’s not a nice person.

I feel like all the progress I was starting to make has put me straight back to rock bottom. My brain is killing me with the thought of them 2 together and that whilst I’ve been suffering she’s been off with him.

I could happily go and beat the crap out of him but what good is that going to do?! It’s only going to push her towards him more.

The horrible thing is, despite how betrayed I feel by her, I still can’t help but wish we were back together.

You can’t make someone love you. I know that probably doesn’t help much, but once I learned that, my relationships with other humans vastly improved.  You have inherent worth as a person and if she doesn’t see that or appreciate it, she’s not good enough for you. You will find someone that does appreciate you the way you deserve but it’s probably gonna take time. Just focus on the things you can manage, try not to get bogged down by the things you can’t. Also, and this is a really hard one, try to forgive her any pain she’s caused and wish her well. Harboring resentment only hurts you, she won’t ever be affected by it.

Reading that post KK I can feeling you’re now excepting the inevitable which is a good thing and can now see you moving on to hopefully better things. You’ve done the right things in your actions and walking away once you heard the news is a testament to you moving forward.

Hoping to see regular post from you really soon now. 👍

I cut contact with her from the last time I posted and I started to get into a bit of a routine, started seeing some friends more. The pain was still there but I was getting out more.
I have also been going to a therapist for a few weeks now.

Last week she reached out to ask how I was doing which I thought was nice… she soon followed that up with asking for the rest of her stuff back. Arranged to give her stuff back to her on a day that suited me.
Anyway, we met up and had a drink in a cafe and talked normally, she was laughing and everything seemed good and I thought “ok this is seeming ok, maybe at the end if it’s still like this will ask if she fancies hanging out again soon”…. Then bam!!! She started asking if we were friends and if we would be friends no matter what and she started looking awkward and I knew exactly what she was heading towards so I asked her - “is there someone else?” And her reply was “I’ve started seeing someone from work”. I asked who because I had my suspicions and she said exactly who I thought she was going to say. She said he initiated it but they’ve been on a few dates and kissed… I dread to think what else but the thought of them being together like that kills me. So I got her stuff out of my car, I put it in her car and then I said to her “see you around, look after yourself” and then I got in my car and drove the f**k away from her and didn’t look back at her. When I was getting in the car she looked so shocked because she didn’t expect that. It was so damn hard but I made sure I didn’t fall apart in front of her, just kept my composure as best I could and got away from the situation.

I think she’s been seeing him for about 3-4 weeks but they’ve been talking a lot longer than that, so it goes to show exactly what she thought of our relationship and me. I feel so betrayed as well as heart broken.

I think he’s been eyeing her up for some time and people have told me he’s not a nice person.

I feel like all the progress I was starting to make has put me straight back to rock bottom. My brain is killing me with the thought of them 2 together and that whilst I’ve been suffering she’s been off with him.

I could happily go and beat the crap out of him but what good is that going to do?! It’s only going to push her towards him more.

The horrible thing is, despite how betrayed I feel by her, I still can’t help but wish we were back together.

Look KK I feel your pain. I've been that guy. Was with a girl for years and she broke up with me when she went to America because she met a guy.
Then there was back and forth where we'd meet up for dinner etc.

The part where you got in your car and didn't look back, stick to that.

She can't have it both ways. She can't dump you and then play the "I want you in my life as a friend" card.
F**k that. Know your worth. You deserve more.

If she can't see it somebody else will.
Get back in the gym. Focus on you.
Somebody else will gravitate towards you.

I cut contact with her from the last time I posted and I started to get into a bit of a routine, started seeing some friends more. The pain was still there but I was getting out more.
I have also been going to a therapist for a few weeks now.

Last week she reached out to ask how I was doing which I thought was nice… she soon followed that up with asking for the rest of her stuff back. Arranged to give her stuff back to her on a day that suited me.
Anyway, we met up and had a drink in a cafe and talked normally, she was laughing and everything seemed good and I thought “ok this is seeming ok, maybe at the end if it’s still like this will ask if she fancies hanging out again soon”…. Then bam!!! She started asking if we were friends and if we would be friends no matter what and she started looking awkward and I knew exactly what she was heading towards so I asked her - “is there someone else?” And her reply was “I’ve started seeing someone from work”. I asked who because I had my suspicions and she said exactly who I thought she was going to say. She said he initiated it but they’ve been on a few dates and kissed… I dread to think what else but the thought of them being together like that kills me. So I got her stuff out of my car, I put it in her car and then I said to her “see you around, look after yourself” and then I got in my car and drove the f**k away from her and didn’t look back at her. When I was getting in the car she looked so shocked because she didn’t expect that. It was so damn hard but I made sure I didn’t fall apart in front of her, just kept my composure as best I could and got away from the situation.

I think she’s been seeing him for about 3-4 weeks but they’ve been talking a lot longer than that, so it goes to show exactly what she thought of our relationship and me. I feel so betrayed as well as heart broken.

I think he’s been eyeing her up for some time and people have told me he’s not a nice person.

I feel like all the progress I was starting to make has put me straight back to rock bottom. My brain is killing me with the thought of them 2 together and that whilst I’ve been suffering she’s been off with him.

I could happily go and beat the crap out of him but what good is that going to do?! It’s only going to push her towards him more.

The horrible thing is, despite how betrayed I feel by her, I still can’t help but wish we were back together.

So sorry to hear this mate.

Heart goes out to ya Bud.


Chin up mate, as best you can.



 

Just when you feel the only way is up ya find out there’s a little bit more to slide yet , the realisation that you once had it all and didn’t even realise it, buy the house raise the kids pay off the house kids leave all that time that you don’t know what to do with them boom the big crash ,

Been putting off calling the doctor for a while now but going to buy the bullet I think.

Long story short I've been feeling extremely low for ages now. Had a complete breakdown in work about 7 years ago and had to take a month off. Doctor advised combination of depression, work place stress and anxiety. Antidepressants for a good while then gradually came off them.

Got  temporary promotion/secondment at work which wasn't made permanent. I dealt with this, well thought I had, and got on with being back managing my store again. Left ths company last summer as the hours and stress were really difficult to stomach. Been in two jobs since one four months and this one three and I really think I need to get out.

Some of you know I'm a manager in hospitality. Fast Food for ages and now cafes and one aspect that really has affected my mental health is never being able to switch off. WhatsApp messages day in day out, emails on days off, being responsible for staff and all that entails. It's exhausting.

I noticed I get no real joy in work now even when things are going ok. Go to bed early and wake up 3/4am and can't get back to sleep. Edgy when at home and while some days I'm ok others I get no real joy our of the things I like.

Made a joke to my brother the other day that is love a job where I don't have to manage people or a business for someone. Just go in do my work and go home. And I've actually started to look into it. Talked to my wife today and she actually thinks what I'm saying makes sense. I'd rather do 10-15 hours extra a week and being able to switch off than my normal 40 and then constantly be switched on at home.

You might say just switch off and don't worry about work but my mind can't which is the problem. It's the way I'm built. I care too much but now even through I care enough to do the work I don't care enough to keep going.

Been putting off calling the doctor for a while now but going to buy the bullet I think.

Long story short I've been feeling extremely for ages now. Had a complete breakdown in work about 7 years ago and had to take a month off. Doctor advised combination of depression, work place stress and anxiety. Antidepressants for a good while Theo gradually came off them.

Got  temporary promotion/secondment at work which wasn't made permanent. I dealt with this, well thought I had, and got on with being back managing my store again. Left ths company last summer as the hours and stress were really difficult to stomach. Been in two jobs since one four months and this one three and I really think I need to get out.

Some of you know I'm a manager in hospitality. Fast Food for ages and now cafes and one aspect that really has affected my mental health is never being able to switch off. WhatsApp messages day in day out, emails on days off, being responsible for staff and all that entails. It's exhausting.

I noticed I get no real joy in work now even when things are going ok. Go to bed early and wake up 3/4am and can't get back to sleep. Edgy when at home and while some days I'm ok others I get no real joy our of the things I like.

Made a joke to my brother the other day that is love a job where I don't have to manage people or a business for someone. Just go in do my work and go home. And I've actually started to look into it. Talked to my wife today and she actually thinks what I'm saying makes sense. I'd rather do 10-15 hours extra a week and being able to switch off than my normal 40 and then constantly be switched on at home.

You might say just switch off and don't worry about work but my mind can't which is the problem. It's the way I'm built. I care too much but now even through I care enough to do the work I don't care enough to keep going.

Hope it works out and plenty here to chat too if needed 👍

Many have swapped careers to ensure they get a better quality of life

Hope it works out and plenty here to chat too if needed 👍

Many have swapped careers to ensure they get a better quality of life

Cheers mate. I actually feel a bit of weight off even talking it proper with my wife.

I think I recognise the triggers clearly now even though it's took me since last summer. The sleep pattern is unlike me, I'm usually 11pm or so and right through to 7. Now I've seen me go to bed 8:30 and wake up middle of night usually thinking of work.

I can take a minimum wage job with extra hours and be no worse off and in my mind I then can just go home switch off and enjoy my life instead of my brain constantly thinking about the next day, doing work from home and generally stressing myself out about someone else's business.

Been putting off calling the doctor for a while now but going to buy the bullet I think.

Long story short I've been feeling extremely low for ages now. Had a complete breakdown in work about 7 years ago and had to take a month off. Doctor advised combination of depression, work place stress and anxiety. Antidepressants for a good while then gradually came off them.

Got  temporary promotion/secondment at work which wasn't made permanent. I dealt with this, well thought I had, and got on with being back managing my store again. Left ths company last summer as the hours and stress were really difficult to stomach. Been in two jobs since one four months and this one three and I really think I need to get out.

Some of you know I'm a manager in hospitality. Fast Food for ages and now cafes and one aspect that really has affected my mental health is never being able to switch off. WhatsApp messages day in day out, emails on days off, being responsible for staff and all that entails. It's exhausting.

I noticed I get no real joy in work now even when things are going ok. Go to bed early and wake up 3/4am and can't get back to sleep. Edgy when at home and while some days I'm ok others I get no real joy our of the things I like.

Made a joke to my brother the other day that is love a job where I don't have to manage people or a business for someone. Just go in do my work and go home. And I've actually started to look into it. Talked to my wife today and she actually thinks what I'm saying makes sense. I'd rather do 10-15 hours extra a week and being able to switch off than my normal 40 and then constantly be switched on at home.

You might say just switch off and don't worry about work but my mind can't which is the problem. It's the way I'm built. I care too much but now even through I care enough to do the work I don't care enough to keep going.

I echo Pjs word Si.

It’s never nice hearing people with mental health issues as it’s very hard knowing what to say unless you’re a professional in that field. You’ve done the right thing getting it off your chess though, you’re probably already feeling better for it.

Get the help that’s needed/available and hopefully they put you on the right track. A new job outside your sector brings new challenges and expectations which can help considerably. Your sleeping problems undoubtedly bring anxiety issues as I had similar problems years ago.  Get that sorted and a huge weight comes off your shoulders.

Keep us all in touch and remember a problem shared is a problem halved.

Wishing you well Si. 🥰

I echo Pjs word Si.

It’s never nice hearing people with mental health issues as it’s very hard knowing what to say unless you’re a professional in that field. You’ve done the right thing getting it off your chess though, you’re probably already feeling better for it.

Get the help that’s needed/available and hopefully they put you on the right track. A new job outside your sector brings new challenges and expectations which can help considerably. Your sleeping problems undoubtedly bring anxiety issues as I had similar problems years ago.  Get that sorted and a huge weight comes off your shoulders.

Keep us all in touch and remember a problem shared is a problem halved.

Wishing you well Si. 🥰

Thanks Keith, to be honest it seems small fry compared to what some have posted on here but as my wife says everyone's mental health is different.

Agree on finding it hard to say to these issues as I was one years ago who probably brushed off stone with mental health issues until I had an episode myself.

I consider myself a strong character as well but a real deep thinker and really get inside my own head. Now though I can see that's a mental health issue and not just something to ignore.

I'm not religious at all and find myself at times wondering what is the point. Literally what is the point slogging through this life to end up in a box in the ground?

So this week really thinking that going to some sort of manual job, factory, sales assistant, anything where I can go home and enjoy the little things that make me happy without stressing about work is the way forward for me.

Thanks Keith, to be honest it seems small fry compared to what some have posted on here but as my wife says everyone's mental health is different.

Agree on finding it hard to say to these issues as I was one years ago who probably brushed off stone with mental health issues until I had an episode myself.

I consider myself a strong character as well but a real deep thinker and really get inside my own head. Now though I can see that's a mental health issue and not just something to ignore.

I'm not religious at all and find myself at times wondering what is the point. Literally what is the point slogging through this life to end up in a box in the ground?

So this week really thinking that going to some sort of manual job, factory, sales assistant, anything where I can go home and enjoy the little things that make me happy without stressing about work is the way forward for me.

Mental health issues are never small fry but understand why you think why, the wife called it spot on. Think many of us know you’re a man of strong character just based on your post alone. Keep thinking like you’re doing and be positive, especially looking for that new avenue that will give you that spring in your step again. Sounds like the wife got your back, no better person for it too.

Chin up, onwards and upwards is what my mum said to me, it worked!  👍