Made an appointment back at the psychiatrist that I haven’t seen in about 16 months. Had a horrific experience on Friday and after hiding away a bit over the weekend and chatting to a few people close to me took the plunge to go back to him.
Had been to this doc previously because I was having these paranoid delusions where I draw a reference or interpretation from innocuous events and put them into some paranoid delusion where I’m feeling persecuted. He had prescribed me last time I saw him anti psychotics and anti depressants but I walked out there and decided he didn’t know what he’s on about and threw them away, mostly because I was I denial about what he’d told me I think.
Anyway, had a few paranoid episodes since but on Friday at work had a terrible experience and ended up having to leave, think my behavior was coming off very strange which made going back in today a little awkward. Had been out the night before for a few drinks, first time in a while and it had a horrific impact on me. Literally only had 3 beers but was a late night which I’ve tended to avoid because I know it leaves me feeling down the next day.
Bit devastated to be honest because I genuinely thought I was passed this and one of the reasons I never took the medication previously was that the dr had said I would have to be on it potentially for life.
Cant help feeling that I’m only 27 and this is not how I want to live my life, having to battle these constant delusions and remind myself it’s in my head, it’s exhausting. It’s lore tiring trying to fight off the paranoia than actually having the delusion. Not seeing the Dr till Jan so going to take it easy until then and see how it goes once on the meds I guess.
Hi mate, our situations are different but I understand what you're saying. What I would say is don't be so hard on yourself for 'messing up'. We all make mistakes and you'll only end up compounding the issue by beating yourself up. I'm hesitant to give detailed advice because everyone is different and I don't know the ins and outs, but it sounds like you've a habit of a downward spiral of thoughts, which you just can't let yourself get into just because you had an episode. Focus on what you've done well, and the progress you've clearly made.
On the psychiatrist, again it is personal, I can't speak for sure, but if you're not confident in their diagnoses, try and get a second opinion. It might be useful to try psychotherapy (talk therapy) as well. Mindfulness has been an invaluable tool for me personally. With that said, some aspects of mental health respond incredibly positively to medication, and I wouldn't rule it out for you personally. Also, remember there are many different types of medication and not all work the same for everyone. It might be a learning process to begin with finding what works for you.
However you go about it, don't beat yourself up man. You're clearly on the right track and a set back is just that, it's a set back and nothing more. Sometimes you've gotta step back to find a way around. Good luck bro