OK! So a year has gone by in my bar job, I complained last year and compiled a list around this time, so lets go for round 2, obviously this will be cattier!
1) Jukebox still sh*t. OK, I have had a say on what goes on, no more several versions of "Do They Know Its Christmas Time", just the one, still the most annoying song ever created. And still I want to hurt badly the b***ard who puts it on.
2) Lay Offs. The amount of people who have been laid off in their jobs end of November beginning of December is incredible, what is more astonishing, they seem to be spending every penny they have left in the pub.
3) Kids. I truly believe the Child Care services should send at least one agent to each pub at christmas and just observe. The amount of times the parents have about 5 or 6 pints then jump in a car is absolutely crazy. You know the kind of people to look for, they are the ones who let the kids run riot in a pub and couldnt give two fucks about it.
4) Bands. The louder they are, the less talented they are. They need to be loud to hide how tone deaf they are.
5) Your Boss. For some unknown reason, they get it into their head that you want to work at christmas, "you have a family? ok then, more hours it is!" I hate christmas time, for example, I have monday off, I am working everyday except christmas day, and in that time, I have to buy presents. And the real pisser? the extra hours you have is for the boss to go out and buy presents for THEIR loved ones!
6) Quiet Days. The days that really drag, you are working christmas week, missing out on getting that shopping done because ONE lonely sad b***ard has to turn up for his usual 2 pints of Mild. Unless of course the laid off assholes all turn up stoned and play Do They Know Its Christmas on the b***ard jukebox.
7) Old Feckers. Now this isnt a dig at OAP's in general, its a dig at the oldies who insist you "get the shakes" when you pour them a whiskey. I do get the shakes, I drink a quarter of the measuring cup after you gone you dopey old tw*t.
8 ) Youngsters. Why do they try it on? 18,19,20 why? you have no chance! Shouting "oy" wont work, waving money wont work, and certainly clicking your fingers wont work, you are younger than my son, and he, like you, wont ever do that to me.
9) Birthdays. Couldnt give two fucks, you are not getting a free drink. Each Bar Person you ask this to, consider this, they were probably working on their birthday, so dont bother asking.
10) Merry Christmas. The best way to wish your local bar person a merry christmas is to say that while leaving a tip, no tip, shove your christmas up your ass!