As The Anniversay Approaches

With the anniversary of Hillsborough fast approaching us again can I share with you my recollections of the day and the effect it had on myself and of course many other fans since, please excuse the bad grammar and the jumping around in my piece but I don’t pretend to be much of a writer, and finally please don’t take these memories as a selfish act or some sort of cry for pity, its just something at this time of year I would like to share with friends and to remind some of our newer fans why we will never forget 15th April 1989.



I had worked in Sheffield a few years earlier so when the chance came to return to a city I had such fond memories of I jumped at the chance, a Cup semi at Hillsborough great I thought I can show the lads around town and go and see if any of my mates still work at the Hotel where I had done my best to pass on food poisoning to the residents of South Yorkshire during my time there as a chef.
I was now back home and working in Bootle when this must see game appeared on the horizon and as the game at Sheffield the year before had been hard enough to get to I knew this game would be just as difficult as the others to get tickets for, with this in mind myself and my mate who I worked with got stuck into anyone who may remotely have links to the promised land of the Anfield ticket office, we even got cheeky enough to ask senior management at the gas board where we where employed!

After what seemed like endless scrambling about and phoning around me and my mate managed to get two tickets for the Liverpool end on the Leppings Lane, whilst John another friend who would be in the car that day had got a stand ticket but as we where going to get there early and try and swop it we weren’t too worried as money for petrol, food and the like became a more pressing matter.
My mate Colin had agreed to drive as he always did, that lad took us to away games and Wembley on more than a couple of occasions a fact I was more than grateful for as even though I was 25 I hadn’t even thought about learning to drive. Also in the car was my friend John someone I had known since our teens and we had stood on the Kop together for many a year as the old standing Kop encouraged these sorts of friendships, you literally stood next to the same dozen or so fella’s at every game and so over the seasons became very close.

Saturday April 15th was a lovely sunny day as I shot round to the Newsagents for my supplies for the day, yes my packed lunch consisted of the Daily Mirror a can of Coke and a Mars Bar! Highly nutritional for the hardened away day footie fan.
John and myself caught the ferry over from Seacombe where we live to meet Colin at the Pier Head for our chauffeur driven journey over to Sheffield, you know what those trips are like full of laughs and optimism as you take turns taking the p**s out of each other whilst singing a couple of verses of Liver bird upon my chest or the reds are coming up the hill. We got into Sheffield about 10.30 due to my insistence to show the lads round the City Centre and visit the old Hotel I had worked in but first things first we had to try and swop Johns ticket, this turned out to be the easiest part of the day as spivs and touts where already milling around Pennistone road at the back of the Kop (note: we all know there is only ONE Kop) an exchange was soon arranged and now all three of us would be together on the Leppings lane.

After a short visit to my place of previous employment, short because the hotel had changed names and not one person I worked with was still in residence! We headed into the city centre had a couple of pints and then headed on a trek up to Hillsborough having the odd pit stop on the way. At the back of the leppings lane there is a steep road and I remembered there was an off licence up there so as it was about 1.30 we went and sat for half an hour to discuss pre match tactics and how the game might pan out, at around two o’clock we walked down the hill to the four or so turnstiles that immediately appeared as we approached the ground no checks where made in those days and good stewarding was still a few years away yet so you where left to make your way to the turnstile of your choice and do your best to get in with the least amount of fuss.
I remember whilst making that slow trudge to the turnstile how busy it was and that the queue was starting to pack together, it was certainly already starting to get a bit manic and this was about an hour before kick off, I remember the relief of getting through the turnstile and then waiting a while in the relative quiet of the area just outside the arena itself, you know the place where you get snacks and programmes and the like.
With the three of us now inside we had a quick scan around and immediately noticed an opening similar to an underpass in town and clearly seen through the other end of this tunnel was the goal at our end so without a steward or policeman in sight we made our way through the tunnel and took up our position half way up the terracing right behind the goal.

As kick off time approached I remember how tightly packed in I felt so much so that my feet where off the ground as I replicated some sort of levitation act, one of my trainers came off and after a struggle to put it on my friends and I edged over to our right a little to avoid the build up of fans that where still coming in through the tunnel, the weird thing is as I looked to my right through the fence of the pen we where in the other pens hardly had any fans in at all.
The lads come out onto the pitch to a fantastic welcome and begin the warm up whilst the toss up takes place in the centre circle and so with the preliminaries completed we kick off attacking their end, great stuff I thought the reds will be attacking our end second half. The opening few frenetic minutes passed by in an instant and we seemed to be seeing most of the ball so much so that I remember Peter Beardsley hitting the bar, I don’t recall anything that was happening on the pitch after this as the build up in our pen had now got unbearable and I remember looking to the front to see some of our fans trying to climb up the fencing only to be told to get down by South Yorkshires finest, out on the perimeter track a fan had made his way over the fence and was lying prostrate on the pitch whilst another lad with medical knowledge began pumping his chest.

Seeing the man receiving CPR seemed to wake me up and I looked around for my mates I found Colin straight away but John was nowhere to be seen and then as I looked back to the part of the pen I had been standing in ten minutes earlier I saw a sight that will stay with me till the day I die, a lot has been said how those poor fans died and I am sorry but I don’t want to resort to tabloid journalism in an effort to describe the scene and if im honest I doubt I could anyway. The two of us edged out of the centre pen into a quieter wing pen on the right where we eventually made it out onto the pitch amongst the gathering fans who had now begun to get passed the fences and make their way to some semblance of safety, I remember looking around for any “professional” help but the police I found where mostly just standing around with no idea what to do and the only ambulance I could see was at the far end of the pitch refusing to enter the stadium, this meant the injured had to be ferried across the grass on torn down hoardings if they were to have any hope of medical help.

Standing on the track on my own for a while I remember a bloke with a sympathetic nod coming up to me to see if I was okay, “terrible isn’t it?... After all that at Heysel as well” yes I muttered but at least I hadn’t been at that awful game, “would you mind saying a few words to the press?” he asked, I remember just staring blankly as he added “for the Sun” the rage I felt was only increased as I saw people (I use the word loosely) taking pictures of the fans crushed up against the front of the fence, the reporter speaking to me got the biggest kick I could muster and I am not ashamed to admit a couple of the photographers where told to move or they would be getting their cameras inserted into their person, I have often heard the term ‘they are only doing a job’ but what sort of person must you be to do a job like that?
Rumours started amongst the fans that people had died and having found one of my mates we began to look for the other, Police by this time had gained some sort of leadership from somewhere and we where pointed in the direction of the Kop end to give in a description it was only when we arrived that it occurred to us that they had turned the club gym into a makeshift morgue and we where actually checking to see if John was alive or dead. After what seemed an age a copper returned to say no one matched the description we had given in and John could be anywhere from the Hallamshire hospital to making his way back home on his own, as it turned out I met John the next day who told me how he had been pulled up into the stand above and once safe had literally walked out in a bewildered daze eventually getting a lift back to Merseyside.

Walking back to the car I passed lines of fans standing outside shops as the kind owners  let them phone home to tell loved ones they where okay I eventually phoned home from a bicycle shop myself to put my by now hysterical and pregnant wife’s mind at ease that I was one of the lucky ones.
The silent car journey home was of course a total opposite to the excited drive over the Pennine’s that morning as I wished away the miles to get back to my house, once there I found out how many people had died and entered into a state of just not knowing what to do, the next day myself and a few friends including blues I might add went to the Catholic cathedral and stood on the steps to listen to the Sunday service, I am not Catholic by the way it just seemed the right thing to do and the right place to be.

In the passing years Hillsborough affected me more than I realised I became a husband and father that i am not proud of, I wasn’t violent or anything just not there sometimes when I was needed. I attended the memorial services every year all the while beating myself up about why I had come home when so many hadn’t and looking back now I really should have gone for counselling or something but I just couldn’t bring myself to go the reason being I just couldn’t open up to anyone and that included my wife because I felt you had to have been there to know what I was going through. Little things didn’t help like the South Yorkshire Police’s Mr Duckinfield trying all he could to escape any blame, an enquiry was announced and they would be investigated ‘great’ I thought but any hope of any truth coming out was swiftly dashed when the investigative force was to be the West Midlands Police! Hardly pillar of virtues themselves. But if I am honest the biggest damage done to the recovery of the lucky ones was done on Monday 17th April when The S*n  led with “The Truth” and then proceeded to tell every unimaginable lie possible, this was me and my mates they where talking about and according to them we had urinated on the dying picked their pockets and hindered any rescue attempts by the Police! Although the people who matter in my life knew the Truth the thought of anyone thinking that of me did become too much to take at times especially as outside Merseyside a lot of people still believe what was written that day even though Lord Justice Taylor was to later vindicate every fan to a man/woman and lay the blame in other quarters as in the now retired on full pension Duckinfield who’s only real moment of horror was being grilled by Roger Cook on a golf course.

Time has moved on for me and I made a few important changes in my life, I stopped thinking why was I alive when others had died and now take the positive of what I can now do with my life, also one change I had to make for myself was to not dwell on the past and so I don’t attend the memorial service anymore a fact that does make me feel guilty but I can assure you that hardly a day passes without some thoughts of those events entering my head and I only have to hear YNWA to remind me of the 96 fans who went to a football match and never came home, one day the truth will out my friends Justice for the 96 R.I.P.

Thank you for sharing your memories Glenbuck

We will never forget those 96, they will live on in our memories and those of our children and we will have our day of truth

Respect Glenbuck for sharing that with us it means alot to know what happened from someone who was there and I for one will pass on the truth whenever I can. RIP 96. YNWA

Glenbuck......

That was an amazing piece of writing there and I'm sure that must have been very difficult for you to put down in words.

I am sure there are an awful lot of people who don't know what happened that day, so to hear it from someone who was actually there means an awful lot and I would like to thank you for sharing that with us.

Even though it was heartbreaking to read and I was in floods of tears.....I think it's important to know what happened, as I watched on tele the horrors unfold in front of my very eyes, I really couldn't believe what I was seeing...........such an unnecessary way to die.

Having been at the Heysel Stadium a few years earlier and witnessed the tragedy, it was unthinkable to think that something like this could happen again and with such devastating effects for all concerned.

My heart goes out to all the people who lost loved ones that day, they will never ever be forgotten and that's why is so important to keep this going and to educate our younger fans.

Justice for the Ninety Six............You will never be forgotten.

Glenbuck, sharing your thoughts is part of the healing process.

I was in a of a crowd of 108,000 near the stage during a Guns N' Roses gig at Donnington in 1988 when many people were crushed and 2 people later died - it was very frightening.

We can't changed what has happened but in the case of Hillsborough it can galvanize us further as friends, family and fans of our great club. That spirit will help us in the fight for justice for the 96 who died supporting their club. We shall never forget them, they will never walk alone.

Thank you for sharing Glenbuck.

JUSTICE FOR THE 96, YNWA.

Thanks for sharing your memories with us Glenbuck, it can't have been easy to find the words but you did so amazingly. I was only six when the disaster occured & so didn't completely understand the enormity of the situation, but I was aware something was seriously amiss. As an adult looking back on it I feel anger at a situation that could have been avoided quite easily, and the resulting lies printed in the press, most notably The Sun. If it can stir these feelings in me as someone who wasn't there & didn't know anyone that was killed, I can only imagine what it must be like for the people with a direct involvement.

Appreciate you taking the time to post that mate. It was obviously a difficult thing to do but thank you.

Thanks for the kind words, i wasn't too sure about posting but my good mate Caz (MsGerrard) convinced me to do so and i am so glad i did. Although it is difficult for all our supporters when the anniversary comes around again i realise it is nothing compared to what the families of the bereaved go through daily, but while we have great sites like ours to keep repeating the TRUTH!! i know the families will one day get the justice they deserve.

Many thanks

Paul

Thanks for the kind words, I wasn't too sure about posting but my good mate Caz (MsGerrard) convinced me to do so and I am so glad I did. Although it is difficult for all our supporters when the anniversary comes around again I realise it is nothing compared to what the families of the bereaved go through daily, but while we have great sites like ours to keep repeating the TRUTH!! I know the families will one day get the justice they deserve.

Many thanks

Paul

Ah thanks Paul.......... I think we all agree that it was the right thing to post it, as I said it's very important to keep it at the forefront of everyone's minds.

We are the lucky ones...

RIP JFT 96
YNWA

Ive read through it a couple of times now, as I really wasnt sure of what I wanted to say because at times saying nothing is the only recourse because one is embarresed or just cant find the right words. Not being there myself I cant even comprehend what the feelings were or the emotions were, and to see what happend can only lead to a heartache which can never be cured. I see you didnt use counciling to try and find your way out of the emotional landslide but tried to deal with it yourself which at times could be misconstrude as being selfish. Its down to the indivdual how they cope with traumatic events but sometimes to lead to inner peice you must take onboard what has happend and try and deal with it in the best way you can.

I sometimes feel that those who survived also need as much respect for those who died, because they are the ones who have to deal with it day in and day out going on and in some cases blaming themselves for something they could not do anything about or prevent. And in the end the ones left behind have suffered as much as those lost. When my son died I blamed myself and also did not partake in any counciling but found buddishm helped me, some may laugh but I found it helped with being able to find inner peice and also helped with finding some perspective on why things happen, I can only say that you need to find inner peice to be at one with yourself and seeking out a buddist philosphy may help you, in the long run especially if you cant open up to strangers or your loved ones the next best thing is try and deal with it from within using meditation and other techniques to try and stem the flow of anxiety and hurt.

One of the best things I did was take a substance called rescue remedy which is available in boots without prescription, its a mixture of herbs and flower roots that help ease anxcious moments, its perfectly legal and does not have any side effects, but helps ease tention and makes it easier to meditate and come to terms with trauma.

Have to say this in conclusion my friend thanks for taking the time to share your memories with us all here and I wish you all the best we are here for you and to let you know You will never walk alone.

Brett

Brett....

You were very brave to post that, it's not easy is it to deal with anything to do with death and the dying, but it happens to everyone eventually and it's how those that are left behind  cope with bereavement, we all have different ways of dealing with these sorts of things and I think you have to find what's right for you at the time.

I think it's nice to think that we are all here for each other in times of need, and sometimes it just helps to put it down on paper, I was very moved when Paul sent that to me in a personal message and asked my advice as to whether he should post it or not, having read it and being very moved to tears, I told him I thought he should post it and I'm glad he did.

Glenbuck, you made me cry mate.. respect brother. That day haunts me and I wasn't even there. I remember thinking were any of my LIVERPOOL relatives there, glad to say they weren't. The scum newspaper shouldn't be bought by anyone on merseyside including Evertonians. Your story and the stories of the other fans who were there should be heard.. PEACE Fellow Red

Brett and Glenbuck....

Thank you for sharing your memories. It couldn't have been easy to bring back all those memorys but thank you!. I am just a young lad (18) and even though I have read deeply into the history surronding Hillsborough, your posts have giving me a much greater knowledge of the day and for this I would like to say a personal thank you to the two of you

God Bless JFT96 YNWA

Thanks for your posts lads.  One day we will get justice and it won't just be for those we lost and the families who are still grieving but it will be for all the men and women who were there that day as well.

Glenbuck, for starters mate, thank you for posting that, I'm glad Cas encouraged you to do it.

Pragmatic, you too mate..that has taken a lot of courage from both of you to post what you have.

I, for one, never really knew much about that day until I came on to this website. I had heard of that day but being down under, it never really hit home as to what a major disaster it was. Not much news coverage down here of what had happened, that I can remember ...so to say it simply, I wasn't well informed.

Glenbuck, you gave me an insight into what it was actually like that day and I for one, am glad that you made it out of there to tell us the REAL story. It's just so sad to think that all those lives were lost at a footy game. It puts everything so much more into perspective.

Once again, Glenbuck and Pragmatic thank you so much for sharing your stories and for opening my eyes. YNWA


JFT96
YNWA

I read your post when you first posted it Glenbuck mate. I was in tears and lost for words, so I couldn't reply. But you'll never know how glad I was that you shared it. Because since I've been on here I've always found you to be one of the most easy going, genuine nice and funny blokes. I'll take the 'horn rimmed buffalo' joke to the grave. It still makes me laugh.

It takes courage to share something that's deep inside and will always be a part of you. Something that will always confuse, anger and basically on the whole, make you feel numb. Although I wasn't there that day myself, I can relate to a feeling of numbness. And it's something that makes you realise how close you should be to your loved ones, whenever it's too easy to take things for granted.

I started that day off by going to the park and playing football in my Liverpool kit, pretending to be Kenny Dalglish as always. It was just me and my best mate at the time who's name was Alan. So he was Alan Hansen. We were so excited about the game that we actually got up to the park a little earlier than usual - we wanted to score as many goals as possible because we thought with us two doing that, it would in some way help Liverpool score lots of goals.
We got to the park and to our usual tree, which made one of the goal posts. The other goal post was our jackets. We'd take turns of three goals - Alan would go in goal and throw the ball out to me. Then I would give a running commentry on who I took the ball past (when really i was just running round in circles with the ball) and then bang! Kenny Dalglish scores three past Alan Hansen in goal. Then he would have his turn of scoring past Kenny Dalglish in goal. It was great that day. We scored lots of goals.

We were there for a few hours and then the annoying 'have to go home because family are coming to visit and we'll end up at the shops' time came for both of us. So me and my mate walked down from the park and went home. We gave the usual 'come on you reds!!' fist in the air thing and went our separate ways. I got home and my nan and auntie had come over. My nan used to live next door with my grandad until my grandad passed away so it was brilliant when my nan used come over on a Saturday. Fair enough, it was only for a few hours but it was great even if the whole purpose was was for my mum, aunt and nan to have a good gossip round the shops on a Saturday afternoon.

If me and my dad weren't going to the game then we'd always listen at home together. But as it was an away game and I remember it was quite a while before kick off, when my auntie said did I want to come along to the shops and mind the car while they were shopping, I said as long as we're back for the game. So off we went in the car, parked up in Leo's (as it was then) car park and they went off to get the shopping in.

I'll never forget the little digital clock on the dashboard getting very close to 3:00. I was so annoyed that I might not get back to listen to the game with my dad from the kick off. Thankfully I had the radio on so I wouldn't miss anything of the game. The game kicked off and I was sat there on my own, beginning to wish, I wasn't on my own. When I heard that people are starting to get on the pitch and climb up into the tier above, I had a horrible feeling in my gut. You just know something isn't right. With that my mum, aunt and nan came back to the car and I told them to turn the radio up because something wasn't right.

When we got home a few minutes later, I just remember me and my sister in tears. I don't think we knew exactly what was going on but we knew something was seriously wrong. I can't explain that feeling even today. But the image of people trying to climb up above and people being stretchered off on advertising boards will live with me forever. I'll always remember me and my sis hugging each other on the stairs in the hall. Me and my sis were very close and not too long before that day, she'd gone to Scotland to visit a friend. And on the way back, she got me a Liverpool rosette and one of the best Liverpool Scarves ever!

The harsh reality was beginning to sink in a few days later and we had to be at Anfield. I remember queuing up around Anfield with my sis for ages and I tied my best scarf she had got me on the red railings of the Kop. It was just to the right hand side of the goal - where I always used to try stand when I went the games.

Sadly, my sis isn't with me anymore. She passed away the next year. But I'll never ever forget that time - this time. Me and Karen remembering our fellow reds who sadly didn't come back, our fellow reds who did come back and all their families. It's a part of us forever.

I'm sorry if some things don't seem relevant in what I've posted. But I feel better saying this in this thread thanks to Glenbuck and Pragmatic. You two lads have helped me because I don't speak all that much about things deep inside.

Glenbuck thanks for showing true courage to write that. I struggle to talk about it, and often just sit alone with my head battered with images that I will never talk about and that I will take to the grave with me.

I will try and give my account of that awful day, and the things that I encountered.

The season before, 1988 Liverpool played Nott's Forest in a FA Cup semi final at Hillsborough.
I managed to get a ticket, and this was to be my first FA Cup semi final.
The date was 9th April 1988 and I had a ticket for the Leppings Lane Terrace, price £5.

To be quite honest, I don't remember much about that match now, as future events have erased it.

Next season and Liverpool again reach another semi final, again against Forest, and again at Hillsborough.
Excitement is all around as I pick my ticket up from Anfield, and drive home in the knowledge of another special day is in store for me. How wrong was I.
Again my ticket was for the Leppings Lane Terrace, this time priced £6.

The day of the match, and the transit van pulls up at my mum & dads house.
There was to be around 8 of us going, 6 had seats in the ground, 2 of us standing.
The horn blasts out, I reach for my jacket, and something that I fully regret now, I just shouted to my mum upstairs that I was going. I say regret, because that could of been my mothers last memory of me, me just shouting 'see you', and heading off to football. I suppose on a special way, she would say that was me all over, but looking back, it really upsets me.

We set off in the van, and drive to Sheffield.
We park up, and walk off to have a few drinks. I remember the previous year, the police wanted us to go into the ground early, virtually rounding us all up and getting us to the turnstyles.
Not this time, we walked passed the fatefull entrance and went to a pub not far down the road.

I left the pub early, as I wanted to meet up with a lad I knew from Blackpool. He also was in the standing section, so at least I would be with someone I knew.
I walked down and saw his mate. He was trying to get me to swap my Leppings Lane ticket for his seating ticket. He even offered a straight swap, but I was adamant, I enjoyed the atmosphere in last years match, and so I was to be in there again this year.
I now look back on this and think that I could of avoided the horrible experience of being in the heart of it all, and to of been safe in the seats, but I also think what could of happened to this lad. Maybe if I did swap tickets - would he still be here today ?

I went through the turnstyles and headed off to the stand. I remember walking through the big entrance leading to the middle of the terrace and looking for Roy. I walked down and went into the left terrace facing the pitch. There was not too many supporters in yet, and I could not see Roy.
I decided then to go out of this area and go into the right terrace to look for him. Probably the worse move I have ever made.

I walked down to the front and met up with Roy. We were both excited about what was to happen in the match and lent on a barrier very close to the front. Looking back, I realise that this was the barrier that collapsed during the crush, and this is something that really freaks me out. I cry so hard at times thinking what could of been, the thought of me leaving the house and shouting 'see you' to my mother,  I cry at the thought of guilt, somebodies relative will of died from the action of me moving away from there. I know people say this and that to make you feel better, but words will never heal the truth or bring people back.

Around 2.40 it is getting and the terrace is filling up, and so we decide that it was getting dangerous to be lent on the barrier, so we move just to the left of it 2 steps down. We are now around 5/6 steps from the front of the terrace. I even remember the two lasses that were pictured on every newspaper the next day with their faces pressed against the metal fence, they were right in front of us, and we made a few quiet comments about them to each other. It's funny to think the things you remember.

Minute by minute, it was getting busier and busier. We couldn't believe how packed this terrace was.
As the teams came onto the pitch, I could not see them, I was struggling to even get onto my tip toes to see. We just simply could not move, and the pressure of people against me was starting to worry me.
The game kicked off, and now we were realising something terrible was happening. I remember a huge roar from the crowd (Beardsley apparently hitting the bar), and this brought a surge forward. I was now panicing. I simply could not move any part of my body now. I was stuck in a crowd, could not see the match and was beginning to feel very frightened.

People began shouting, then screaming to police who were patrolling the front of the terrace, but they just looked and ignored it. People were shouting, 'there's people dying in here, for fucks sake open the gate'.
More and more started to shout, and this is when you realise something is terrably wrong. The police just kept walking passed as if to ignore the shouts. After all, what could be so wrong in there ?

Soon, I began to feel people walking over the top of us. They were just walking over peoples heads and shoulders to reach the fence and climb out. Anger was now taking it's part, but I remember saying to someone, let them, it will create some more room in here.
The police were not letting them over the fence, telling them to climb down, but this was ignored by them and over people went, and I think this is when the police knew something was wrong.

I don't remember the match being stopped at the time, just someone telling me.

The crush was now even worse. I could only move my head, fingers and toes. My chest was feeling that it was going to implode at any time. I was now thinking was I to get out alive. Thoughts were going round my head, would I get out of here?, would I be the only one not to survive this. It's weird the thoughts that go around your head, but they were honestly the thoughts I was thinking at this time.

I remember the press getting in peoples way, taking the photo's that would be front page headlines all over the world. They were happily snapping away, whilst supporters were climbing the fence pitch side and trying to pull people out to safety.

I remember the ambulances driving up to the fence, and just thinking please God no, not me, please get me out.

A safety gate to the left of me was opened, and people spilled forward. Now the pressure on my body was unbearable. I could hardly breath. I tilted my head slightly back and began to try and gulp fresh air into my lungs. You have got to remember, it was a hot day, and being so packed in, it became very humid in there. Fresh air seemed like a premium to us. I was really struggling breathing now, I just remember thinking about my family, friends and this was not the place to go.
I let my body become relaxed, and looked to the sky. I am not religious, but I honestly believe somebody was looking down on me that day and heard my plea. I just said, 'Lord, please let whats going to happen, happen. But please make it quick.'

I had given up hope of getting out alive. I was frightened, trapped, in pain, could not breath properly and there didn't seem anyway out.
It was a strange choice of words - I know, but in times like this, you don't think properly.
If the crush got any worse, or if I was to stay there for much longer, then I honestly would not be here today.
Within a minute, of me pleading to the sky, free movement all around was felt. I could start to move my legs and arms, but not move myself anywhere.
It seemed that we were all moving as one. I was being moved to the right, then all of a sudden.... there was a gap on the right.
I remember looking down, and it did not register at first, but that is where the barrier had collapsed, and what I was looking at were not people just led down, but in fact supporters who had become victims of the collapsed barrier. (This is why I feel deep guilt)
I tried to push myself left and forward, I didn't want to be pushed further right, as I thought I would trip and fall and could be trampled on.

It's weird, as all that had happened before hand, I pushed forward and found myself at the front of the terrace.
There were free spaces all around ?? Why minute's earlier I was giving up hope and now I'm seconds of getting out alive ?

I remeber the police still shout 'move back, get back'

I just thought F**k this, I'm getting out. I started to climb the fence, but a police officer was virtually spitting his orders into my face to 'get down and move back'.
I began to climb down, and saw some awful sights all around me on the ground.
I must of gone white as a sheet, I knew I'd rather be arrested then stay in there. I began to climb again, and again the officer was screaming his orders at me. I looked into his eyes, and just said ' I can't'.
I carried on up, and the officer got help off another policman and helped me over the fence and onto the pitch.

'Just get away from here, go into the center of the pitch' he told me.

I was out. I was alive.
I tried to walk away from it all, I was in a complete different world to anything I had ever known. My head was spinning from what had happened, and I just collapsed near to the penalty spot.
I knew I was safe, I knew I was alive, but my body was telling me to take some time off.
Stewards and fans rushed towards me, all asking if I needed help. I said no, but people in that terrace do.
Not to my knowledge at the time, but a mate of mine in the stand saw me helped out of the terrace, and collapse on the pitch. He could not take any more and left to try and phone news home.
He tried to phone my parents, but my mums phoning the emergency help line to try and hear of any news. So he phones another mate to get news of me to them.
The news he gives them has been mixed up, now my parents believe I had collapsed and was dragged out of the terrace and was lying on the pitch - but he thinks I was still alive.

This hurt me so much. I can never blame anyone for this mix up, but I will never be able to contemplate what my mother went through. I'm so sorry mum. I am in tears typing this now - it hurts me that much.


After a few minutes, I began to regain some sences, and I need to find out if Roy got out. I get up and as I look around I see him.
I walk straight to him, he see's me.
His face is full of pain, full of tear's - 'did you see those dead bodies in there Tommo, did you see them ?, I had to climb over them to get out.'    I will always remember those words.

I now realise that people have died in there, and what I saw was what I didn't want to believe was true.
I just exploded in tears. My life has been spared, but at what cost.
This day was changing my life, my outlook on life. I was 18 years old - thought I knew everything.   Bollox.

I knew I had to find the lads who I came down with. I walked up and down the stand on the side of the pitch, in the hope they would see me. I was blanking out a lot of things that were happening all around. I was in no state to help anyone, and I could not go anywhere near the Leppings Lane Terrace.
I heard a mate shout my name, as I walked up towards the Forest end. It was my mate Paul.
He sat me down next to him, asking all the time if I was all right, and whats happening ?
All I could say, was 'supporters have died in there', I was inconsolable and could not stop crying.
I remember all around people were passing the message on to each other, that deaths had occured, and supporters all around me were now feeling the full effect of whats happened.

On getting back to the van, I was still with Paul and a few others were already back.
I could not speak to anyone, I was constantly crying, and didn't understand fully what I had been through.
The radio was switched on, to reveal the true horror of the day.
At first, I heard it say 28 people had lost there live's, that hurt me.
Then, worse news. It was now saying the death toll was up to 55 people.
I had lost the plot now. I was screaming out now in anger and in pain.
I left the van and walked to the back of it. I was just kicking it, punching it and even head butting it. I was at my lowest point of my life - it still is, and nothing/ nobody could help me.

A man from over the road came out to try and help, but I had gone. I could not talk to anybody.
He left message that his door was open, and if anything he could do to help - then please go over.  Thank You mate - God bless you.

It was now 5pm, and I had just mananged my first few words without crying.
I knew I had to call home and speak to my family. People may not understand why I hadn't called earlier - but I honestly could not talk to anyone, and I had heard that my mate had left word with someone to pass on the message I was alive.

I needed to speak to them now, and was taken over to that blokes house.
We rang his bell, and he invited us in. He gave us his phone, and left us in peace to ring home.

Just to hear my mothers voice was something you cannot put into words. I assured her I was alright, and my dad was wanting to drive to Sheffield to pick me up.

I declined his offer, and they'd see me soon.

Even now, I cry about that day. It hurts so bad.
I think it is why I love the club so much. They are apart of me, and always will be.

I try and go to every memorial service, and tears still stream down my face at everyone I go to.
I will be there on Tuesday, and ask if you are able to attend, then please do.
Lets all remember the loved ones who never made it back.

RIP 96
God Bless You All

Thanks both for sharing your stories from that day.

Takes a lot of guts to be able to sit down and put it in to words.

Thanks for sharing that with us,  it must of been the worst day of your lives.  I will be there with you on Tuesday mate and hopefully all those that can make it. 

Smiggs x

Kenny and Tommo..........you have both made me sob uncontrollably tonight.

Kenny it was special of you to leave your scarf on the kop that day,

Tommo I know exactly what you mean about saying 'See you' to you to your Mum, I'm just glad you came back and you were alright as I'm sure your Mum is.

My Mum was worried sick about me  at the Heysel Stadium in Brussels, it was very difficult being abroad as well, she didn't know I was safe till I got home.

You just don't expect anything like this to happen when you set out to go to a football match.

We will all be thinking about the 96 who lost their lives that day at Hillsborough and although the memory fades, you never forget.

LFC TV FREE TO WATCH AFTER 6PM ON APRIL 15

Paul Rogers 14 April 2008 

  'Hillsborough', a brand new, hard-hitting hour-long documentary will form the centre piece of a night of programming available to watch completely free of charge on LFC TV on April 15. 
Whether you're a Virgin Media or Sky Digital subscriber, LFC TV will be available to watch free between 6pm and midnight as the club's official television channel marks the 19th anniversary of the disaster that cost 96 supporters their lives with a night of specially selected programmes.
 
At 6pm, a special hour-long edition of 'LFC Now', the channel's news show, will be dedicated to showing the entire Hillsborough Memorial Service, filmed earlier in the day at Anfield.
 
This will be followed by 'Cup Kings 89', a three-hour programme looking back on the most emotionally charged FA Cup final ever. Club captain Ronnie Whelan, John Aldridge and the-then BBC Radio Merseyside reporter Graham Beecroft look back on the cup run that took the Reds first to Hillsborough and then, eventually, on to Wembley. As well as the entire final against Everton, the trio talk about the build up to the disaster as well as the incredibly difficult aftermath and, of course, the actual final itself.
 
At 10pm, 'Hillsborough', the new LFC TV documentary, will be shown for the very first time. Featuring contributions from the likes of Sheila Coleman, Phil Hammond, Neil Fitzmaurice, Peter Carney, Rogan Taylor, John Barnes and John Aldridge amongst others, 'Hillsborough' is essential viewing for not just Liverpool fans, but all football supporters.
 
At 11pm, 'Sixty Minutes with John Aldridge' sees one of Liverpool's favourite sons talk about his life growing up worshiping Bill Shankly and Roger Hunt, his big break in football and just what it meant to finally pull on the red shirt after Kenny Dalglish signed him from Oxford United. As one of the players hardest hit by the Hillsborough disaster, Aldo talks about how the tragedy affected him.
 
All four programmes are available to watch free on LFC TV, Channel 544 on Virgin, Channel 448 on Sky. 

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For those of us who are unable to make the memorial service at Anfield tomorrow, it will be shown at 6pm on LFCtv.

Our thoughts are with the families and friends who lost loved ones.

JFT 96

YOU'LL NEVER WALK ALONE

R.I.P

By sharing your stories with us perhaps will help ease your burden although never stop the pain. Respect to both of you again I cant really say much more than that right now.

Thank you all for sharing your stories. I'm lost for words

YNWA

JFT96