Unlikely lines to hear at Anfield

"As the new owners of Liverpool Football Club take their place in the Directors Box, we welcome DIC to Anfield" 

"and our new chief executive, Roman Abramovic"

"There have been tomato's placed on the Kop seats for you to throw at will at Slur Alex."

Which so called comic said that RedPuppy ?  I missed that one

Sorry can not remember.

I hope you weren't offended by that mate. Those "jokes" are so old now that they really shouldn't bother people. They're actually laughable now because of the patheticness of the joke.

Well offended, sick of Liverpool being the but of other cities jokes.

Any way on to the tread,
"Another hatrick by Vororin"

"Can we all rise and sing the National Anthem"

"And here's voronin on the ball"

"Steve Bennett has had a good game here today at Anfield"

'Ooooo would you look at this? There's a 'Marry me Rick' sign in the Kop.'

"ah, the fella infront of the "marry me Rick" sign has moved. We can now confirm it's "marry me Rick Waller"

And here they are, Lord Hicks and Sir Gillet....the saviours of Liverpool after funding the new stadium out of their own pockets.

"Welcome to Anfield, im your commentator, Ron Atkinson" :

"Please step on to the pitch"

"that Moyes lad spent well this summer reckon the bitters could go close this year"

"that fergie is a bloody nice bloke"

"And theres the whist.... no its just the brazilians"

Alright Scholes mate, let me fetch the ball for you.

Gee, Mr Neville (select either), you get handsomer by the week, that beard is really coming along nicely. 

"today is the debut of torres' new strike partner, wayne rooney"

"If Liverpool beat Manchester United today, Man U Chelsea and Arsenal will be confirmed the relegation 3"

"The starting 11 for Liverpool today will be English lads only"

Where did you get that jester hat from ?, I'd love to have one of those   

This is a police anouncment, a man wearing a red t-shirt has commited a crime, if you see this man, please alert the police or steward.

Outside of Anfield, in the pub.
My mate Craig saying " I'll buy the first round "

"Could the owner of a Black Mercedes registration T H1CK5 please f**k off. thank you."