Liverpool Football School

clever man, very funny

Im in stitches. Genius.

 

London Bridge Is Falling Down

As the lads made their way down south to face Chelsea's School it seemed like a lot of them were in a joyful mood.

Carragher:   "London Bridge is fallin' down."

Darby:   "Fallin' down"

Hyypia:   "Fallin' down."

Carragher:   "London Bridge is fallin' down."

Spearing:   "Poor old Chelsea."

Gerrard:   "Build it up with LFC."

Agger:   "LFC."

Lee:   "LFC."

Gerrrd:   "Build it up with LFC."

Spearing:   "Poor old Chelsea."

Carragher:   "That's the spirit lads, lets give these southern flash bas**rds a right good 'idin'."

Spearing:   "Too right and we will ye know why?"

Hyypia:   "Cos we are the Scousers."

Carragher:   "The kings of the north."

Gerrard:   "We hate Man United."

Darby:   "And City of course."

Agger:   "We only drink whiskey."

Lee:   "And bottles of brown."

Spearing:   "You better watch out."

All:   "Cos there's Scousers in town."

Alonso:   "We hate Nottingham Forest."

Reina:   "We hate Everton to."

All:   "They're sh*t."

Riera:   "We hate Man United."

All:   "But Liverpool we love you."

There's plenty of laughs and cheers before Jamie Carragher broke the silence with his bouncing for the school's absentee friend.

Carragher:   "His armband proved he was a Red."

All:   "Torres, Torres."

Carragher:   "You'll never walk alone it said."

All:   "Torres, Torres."

Carragher:   "We bought the lad from sunny Spain. Give him the ball he'll score again."

All:   "Fernando Torres. Liverpool's number 9."

By the time the song finished, the entire bus was bouncing.

Benitez:   "I'm really happy to see you all in such a happy mood."

Reina:   "What song is that?"

There was another round of laughter.

Hyypia:   "We 'ave to be don't we sir. I mean it's those Chelsea cu*ts. If you can't get up for that then there's no point bein' involved with the world's greatest club is there."

Kuyt:   "Iz right blood."

Hyypia looked confused at Kuyt before beginning the song.

Hyypia:   "L is for league is it number 19?

Carragher:   "I for invicinble know what I mean."

Reina:   "V is for victory."

Gerrard:   "E ever more."

Spearing:   "R is for Reds and we're ready to score."

Darby:   "P is for Paisley what more can we say?"

Agger:   "Double O L. Liverpool's on it's way."

All:   "Whoaaa, whoaaa, Liverpool we're never gonna stop. With you all behind us we just can't be beat, shout no surrender don't mention defeat. The long road to glory is trod on by few. There's no turning back, we'll win it for you."

There was a moment of silence as the lads tried to get their breath back.

Spearing:   "Come on what's next?"

Carragher:   "How about...My Liverpool."

Spearing:   "The Kop will always rule."

Darby:   "Come and join us."

Gerrard:   "We're gonna show how football's played."

Benitez:   "I think that's enough singing for now."

Hyypia:   "Is it F**k."

Pennant:   "Rafa." Pennant waved his arms in the air to ge the rest of the bus singing along.

All:   "Rafael."

Pennant:   "Rafa."

All:   "Rafael."

Pennant:   "Rafa."

All:   "Rafael."

Benitez:   "Rafael Benitez."

Mr Benitez sat down with a huge smile on his face while the lads began talking among themselves and the songs stopped.

Gerrard:   "I wish it could be like this every week."

Carragher:   "Aye me to lad, don't why it isn't."

Spearing:   "I think some of them can only get up for the big games."

Gerrard:   "Every F***ing game is big for this club."

Spearing:   "I know that. I'd run through a brick wall for this club."

Reina:   "Others wouldn't even sh*t a brick for the club."

Hyypia:   "Anyone in particular Pep."

Reina:   "Nah, but there's a few. Don't sweat blood for the cause."

Gerrard:   "They will when I'm F***ing done with them."

Carragher:   "They need to remember who they're playin' for."

Gerrard stood up and moved to the front of the bus.

Gerrard:   "Now listen you lot, I know for some of you this is a stepping block or just another club but for me and and every other fan of this club this is their life. They live, eat and sleep Liverpool Football Club so you better put your bollocks on the line for this club. Remember who you're playing for, you're not playing for some mickey mouse second rate outfit, you're playing for the best fans in the world and the biggest name in world football. That's right, you're playing for those fans. Those fans pay your F***ing wages, remember that. So next time you care more about poncing around with your hair instead of going in for a tackle you can't even win, just remember those fans. Remember what they've had to put up with and remember how much they put into this club compared to how much we take out. They give their whole hearted support, so we deserve to give them our whole hearted effort, starting with these southern cu*ts today. Let's not worry about them though, let them worry about us. I mean who the F**k are they? A team who became a challenge due to an open cheque book of some Russian pr**k, we're Liverpool Football Club, a team that's built on pride, love and loyalty. We were winning trophies when Ambrovich didn't have to ha'pennies to rub together. We were winning trophies when we had the best players in the world not money grabbing bas**rds like this lot. So don't you dare fail to give 100% today because if you do, I'll personally kick the sh*t out of you. Are you with me?"

Carragher:   "I am skip."

Spearing:   "Me too."

Reina:   "And me."

There was a roar of cheers and people saying they were with their skipper who made his way back to his seat.

Lucas:   "Well said Steven."

Gerrard:   "I hope you were taking notice."

Lucas:   "Oh I was and I agree Carragher doesn't put in enough effort. Not like me."

Carragher:   "You long 'aired piece of sh*t. Wait till we get off the bus."

Lucas:   "Excuse me?"

Gerrard:   "Lucas, nobody in the side puts more effort in than Carra and certainly not you."

Lucas:   "But I try my best."

Reina:   "Well your best isn't good enough for this club, go sign for Newcastle or Spurs. Or better still sign for Everton."

Benitez:   "Whose swearing on my bus?"

Benayoun:   "It was Reina sir."

Spearing:   "F**k off ye grass, you could do with putting some more effort in."

Riera:   "Si si."

Kuyt:   "Wellz at least hez gettingz a game."

Spearing:   "Only because he's a grass. Probably the one you're smokin'."

Dossena:   "Mmmmmm Smokey Bacon."

Carragher:   "I can't wait to kick the sh*t outta 'im." Carragher points at Dossena.

Hyypia:   "Or 'im." Hyypia points at Aurelio.

Agger:   "Or him." Agger points at Mr Pelligrino.

Gerrard:   "What the F**k does he do anyway?"

Carragher:   "Tries to tell me how to defend."

Spearing:   "Despite the fact he was sh*t and you're boss Carra?"

Carragher:   "Yeah he can teach me things obviously."

Gerrard:   "F**k him, when I'm manager he's gone. John Aldridge is my assistant."

Hyypia:   "With Steve McMahon."

Reina:   "And Tommy Smith."

Spearing:   "Some bench that'd be. Stevie, Carra, Aldo, Thommo, Sam Lee, Macca and Iron Man."

The lads continued to debate their future back room staff.

Benitez:   "OK lads we're nearly there."

Carragher:   "You remember the words this time El Zhar?"

El Zhar:   "Yes I do."

Gerrard:   "Good."

The lads broke into You'll Never Walk Alone which was sung with such passion.

Reina:   "There's the Chelsea shits look."

Gerrard:   "Eh Frank, Sayers asked for their rolls back."

Lampard:   "Origional."

Gerrard:   "No the bacon ones you fat b***ard."

Reina:   "Eh Cech, wrong sport mate. The rugby that's way." Reina pointed to his left.

Cech:   "I wear it for protection as you well know."

Reina:   "Shame your dad didn't when shagging your mum."

The lads broke into hysterics.

Pennant:   "Ash I shagged your bird."

Riera:   "Who hasn't? I've been here only a few months and I've got me leg over her."

Reina:   "Fat Frank hasn't, only thing he gets his leg over is the stools at KFC."

Carragher:   "Eh John, you ever tried pickin' on me?"

Terry literally sh*t himself and had to run into the changing rooms.

Hyypia:   "Here's Lord Percy. Invented any more gold Ricky?"

Agger:   "Leave off it Sam, he couldn't even invent green."

Carvalho:  "Que?"

Bridge:   "There talking about a show called Blackadder Rick, don't worry."

Hyypia:   "Here's Baldrick. Your first name is Sod Off not Wayne."

Agger:   "Yeah Sod Off Bridge." 

Agger and Hyypia fell about laughing while Bridge entered the Chelsea changing room shaking his head.

Carragher:   "Watch out Didier here's a gush of wind."

Drogba fell to the floor lack a sack of spuds.

Spearing:   "Six point five."

Darby:   "Six."

Gerrard:   "Three point five."

Carragher:   "A broken nose."

The Liverpool players entered their changing room after abusing every one of the Chelsea cu*ts.

The final part of this episode can be seen later today on Sky Sports 1.

Classic.

Love it. That's got me proper fired up for the game tomorrow!

Absolutely amazin!

Print that off and send it to the boys. Not the top half though...

London Bridge Is Falling Down

As the lads made their way down south to face Chelsea's School it seemed like a lot of them were in a joyful mood.

Carragher:   "London Bridge is fallin' down."

Darby:   "Fallin' down"

Hyypia:   "Fallin' down."

Carragher:   "London Bridge is fallin' down."

Spearing:   "Poor old Chelsea."

Gerrard:   "Build it up with LFC."

Agger:   "LFC."

Lee:   "LFC."

Gerrrd:   "Build it up with LFC."

Spearing:   "Poor old Chelsea."

Carragher:   "That's the spirit lads, lets give these southern flash bas**rds a right good 'idin'."

Spearing:   "Too right and we will ye know why?"

Hyypia:   "Cos we are the Scousers."

Carragher:   "The kings of the north."

Gerrard:   "We hate Man United."

Darby:   "And City of course."

Agger:   "We only drink whiskey."

Lee:   "And bottles of brown."

Spearing:   "You better watch out."

All:   "Cos there's Scousers in town."

Alonso:   "We hate Nottingham Forest."

Reina:   "We hate Everton to."

All:   "They're sh*t."

Riera:   "We hate Man United."

All:   "But Liverpool we love you."

There's plenty of laughs and cheers before Jamie Carragher broke the silence with his bouncing for the school's absentee friend.

Carragher:   "His armband proved he was a Red."

All:   "Torres, Torres."

Carragher:   "You'll never walk alone it said."

All:   "Torres, Torres."

Carragher:   "We bought the lad from sunny Spain. Give him the ball he'll score again."

All:   "Fernando Torres. Liverpool's number 9."

By the time the song finished, the entire bus was bouncing.

Benitez:   "I'm really happy to see you all in such a happy mood."

Reina:   "What song is that?"

There was another round of laughter.

Hyypia:   "We 'ave to be don't we sir. I mean it's those Chelsea cu*ts. If you can't get up for that then there's no point bein' involved with the world's greatest club is there."

Kuyt:   "Iz right blood."

Hyypia looked confused at Kuyt before beginning the song.

Hyypia:   "L is for league is it number 19?

Carragher:   "I for invicinble know what I mean."

Reina:   "V is for victory."

Gerrard:   "E ever more."

Spearing:   "R is for Reds and we're ready to score."

Darby:   "P is for Paisley what more can we say?"

Agger:   "Double O L. Liverpool's on it's way."

All:   "Whoaaa, whoaaa, Liverpool we're never gonna stop. With you all behind us we just can't be beat, shout no surrender don't mention defeat. The long road to glory is trod on by few. There's no turning back, we'll win it for you."

There was a moment of silence as the lads tried to get their breath back.

Spearing:   "Come on what's next?"

Carragher:   "How about...My Liverpool."

Spearing:   "The Kop will always rule."

Darby:   "Come and join us."

Gerrard:   "We're gonna show how football's played."

Benitez:   "I think that's enough singing for now."

Hyypia:   "Is it F**k."

Pennant:   "Rafa." Pennant waved his arms in the air to ge the rest of the bus singing along.

All:   "Rafael."

Pennant:   "Rafa."

All:   "Rafael."

Pennant:   "Rafa."

All:   "Rafael."

Benitez:   "Rafael Benitez."

Mr Benitez sat down with a huge smile on his face while the lads began talking among themselves and the songs stopped.

Gerrard:   "I wish it could be like this every week."

Carragher:   "Aye me to lad, don't why it isn't."

Spearing:   "I think some of them can only get up for the big games."

Gerrard:   "Every F***ing game is big for this club."

Spearing:   "I know that. I'd run through a brick wall for this club."

Reina:   "Others wouldn't even sh*t a brick for the club."

Hyypia:   "Anyone in particular Pep."

Reina:   "Nah, but there's a few. Don't sweat blood for the cause."

Gerrard:   "They will when I'm F***ing done with them."

Carragher:   "They need to remember who they're playin' for."

Gerrard stood up and moved to the front of the bus.

Gerrard:   "Now listen you lot, I know for some of you this is a stepping block or just another club but for me and and every other fan of this club this is their life. They live, eat and sleep Liverpool Football Club so you better put your bollocks on the line for this club. Remember who you're playing for, you're not playing for some mickey mouse second rate outfit, you're playing for the best fans in the world and the biggest name in world football. That's right, you're playing for those fans. Those fans pay your F***ing wages, remember that. So next time you care more about poncing around with your hair instead of going in for a tackle you can't even win, just remember those fans. Remember what they've had to put up with and remember how much they put into this club compared to how much we take out. They give their whole hearted support, so we deserve to give them our whole hearted effort, starting with these southern cu*ts today. Let's not worry about them though, let them worry about us. I mean who the F**k are they? A team who became a challenge due to an open cheque book of some Russian pr**k, we're Liverpool Football Club, a team that's built on pride, love and loyalty. We were winning trophies when Ambrovich didn't have to ha'pennies to rub together. We were winning trophies when we had the best players in the world not money grabbing bas**rds like this lot. So don't you dare fail to give 100% today because if you do, I'll personally kick the sh*t out of you. Are you with me?"

Carragher:   "I am skip."

Spearing:   "Me too."

Reina:   "And me."

There was a roar of cheers and people saying they were with their skipper who made his way back to his seat.

Lucas:   "Well said Steven."

Gerrard:   "I hope you were taking notice."

Lucas:   "Oh I was and I agree Carragher doesn't put in enough effort. Not like me."

Carragher:   "You long 'aired piece of sh*t. Wait till we get off the bus."

Lucas:   "Excuse me?"

Gerrard:   "Lucas, nobody in the side puts more effort in than Carra and certainly not you."

Lucas:   "But I try my best."

Reina:   "Well your best isn't good enough for this club, go sign for Newcastle or Spurs. Or better still sign for Everton."

Benitez:   "Whose swearing on my bus?"

Benayoun:   "It was Reina sir."

Spearing:   "F**k off ye grass, you could do with putting some more effort in."

Riera:   "Si si."

Kuyt:   "Wellz at least hez gettingz a game."

Spearing:   "Only because he's a grass. Probably the one you're smokin'."

Dossena:   "Mmmmmm Smokey Bacon."

Carragher:   "I can't wait to kick the sh*t outta 'im." Carragher points at Dossena.

Hyypia:   "Or 'im." Hyypia points at Aurelio.

Agger:   "Or him." Agger points at Mr Pelligrino.

Gerrard:   "What the F**k does he do anyway?"

Carragher:   "Tries to tell me how to defend."

Spearing:   "Despite the fact he was sh*t and you're boss Carra?"

Carragher:   "Yeah he can teach me things obviously."

Gerrard:   "F**k him, when I'm manager he's gone. John Aldridge is my assistant."

Hyypia:   "With Steve McMahon."

Reina:   "And Tommy Smith."

Spearing:   "Some bench that'd be. Stevie, Carra, Aldo, Thommo, Sam Lee, Macca and Iron Man."

The lads continued to debate their future back room staff.

Benitez:   "OK lads we're nearly there."

Carragher:   "You remember the words this time El Zhar?"

El Zhar:   "Yes I do."

Gerrard:   "Good."

The lads broke into You'll Never Walk Alone which was sung with such passion.

Reina:   "There's the Chelsea shits look."

Gerrard:   "Eh Frank, Sayers asked for their rolls back."

Lampard:   "Origional."

Gerrard:   "No the bacon ones you fat b***ard."

Reina:   "Eh Cech, wrong sport mate. The rugby that's way." Reina pointed to his left.

Cech:   "I wear it for protection as you well know."

Reina:   "Shame your dad didn't when shagging your mum."

The lads broke into hysterics.

Pennant:   "Ash I shagged your bird."

Riera:   "Who hasn't? I've been here only a few months and I've got me leg over her."

Reina:   "Fat Frank hasn't, only thing he gets his leg over is the stools at KFC."

Carragher:   "Eh John, you ever tried pickin' on me?"

Terry literally sh*t himself and had to run into the changing rooms.

Hyypia:   "Here's Lord Percy. Invented any more gold Ricky?"

Agger:   "Leave off it Sam, he couldn't even invent green."

Carvalho:  "Que?"

Bridge:   "There talking about a show called Blackadder Rick, don't worry."

Hyypia:   "Here's Baldrick. Your first name is Sod Off not Wayne."

Agger:   "Yeah Sod Off Bridge." 

Agger and Hyypia fell about laughing while Bridge entered the Chelsea changing room shaking his head.

Carragher:   "Watch out Didier here's a gush of wind."

Drogba fell to the floor lack a sack of spuds.

Spearing:   "Six point five."

Darby:   "Six."

Gerrard:   "Three point five."

Carragher:   "A broken nose."

The Liverpool players entered their changing room after abusing every one of the Chelsea cu*ts.

The final part of this episode can be seen later today on Sky Sports 1.

Watching the game today, this came back to me.  Stevie and Carra really acted like this.

They took the game and the rest of the team by the scruff of the neck and tw*tted Chavski.  I even saw Babel's Porn mag on the bench at one point!

The bus back will be awesome - the real one won't be bad either.  

Too right Shay lad, I think it's gonna be a good laugh coming home. (I saw Babel and his mag an all )

I've just finished the latest one (coming home from Chelsea) but there's a song in it to the tune of 12 days of christmas. I'm appologising to anyone who reads the song all the way through in advance. Your response, may be very similar to Mr Benitez'.

Anyway here it is.

Laughing Back From London

After breaking Chelsea's record, the lads were a little more joyful coming home.

Benitez:   "Well done to all of you, you all played very well for us especially second half. First half we were a little more compact no? But in the second half we play with game intelligence and showed who was the better side."

Carragher:   "Think we can the league this year then?"

Benitez:   "One game at a time, don't look too far in front."

Spearing:   "Sod off, we're walking away with the league. Three points clear, it's ours to lose now."

Darby:   "Too right, the rest are playing catch up. They need us to slip up now, they can't win the league unless we do."

Benitez:   "Don't get over excited."

Spearing:   "I'm a fan right now so I can, it's the players who can't."

Hyypia:   "Sickenin what their fans were singin' though weren't it."

Carragher:   "Their fans sung? Didn't 'ear them mate, only 'eard our fans from first whistle to last."

Hyypia:   "It was the typical Hillsborough and Hysel chants."

Carragher:   "The southern f***in' cu*ts. They wanna know what European success tastes like before they whinge about it. And second of all, the Hillsborough accident came about because the FA are F***ing dickheads, the police didn't have a clue and we had too many fans trying to get into a small area. Too many fans Chelsea, not like you who can't even sell your allocation for an FA Cup final or Champions League final. Southern cu*ts, can't F***ing stand them."

Hyypia:   "Be fair Carra we've got some fans from down south."

Carragher:   "Yeah because they have Scouse principles. Help others out, kindness, respect, loyalty. Not like that shower of sh*te, don't know those principles if it bit them on their flash cockney arse."

Hyypia:   "That's true."

Agger:   "F**k them, if they have to sing about us proves how sh*t their own side is eh."

Gerrard:   "That's one way of looking at it Dan."

Carragher:   "Graeme Souness used to play like that, if the opposing crowd are singing about him means they're reconising him."

Reina:   "Well next time we play there I'm gonna gob Terry."

Gerrard:   "He's a sh*t house."

Reina:   "I know. See him walking away from me."

Spearing:   "That's cos you're an 'ead case Pep. Nobody would tangle with you."

Darby:   "Jay's right Pep, every b***ard's scared of you."

Reina started looking a bit cocky.

Pennant:   "You played well today Unc."

Riera:   "Si si."

Aurelio:   "Did I play well Jermaine?"

Pennant:   "No you were sh*t mate."

Aurelio:   "How do you mean by that?"

Alonso:   "What he is trying to say old chap, is you didn't play as well as some of the other players. In fact you played extremely poorly and don't deserve a place in the team. You realise of course that these are his words not mine."

Pennant:   "Thanks Xabi."

Aurelio:   "Who'll play if I don't?"

El Zhar:   "I assume it'd be Dossena."

Riera:   "Si si."

Aurelio:   "But isn't he too busy eating?"

Riera:   "Si si."

The lads looked round to see Dossena eating his third bag of quavers.

Lucas:   "Did you think I played well Cav?"

Cavalieri shurgged.

Lucas:   "Why don't you speak much Cav?"

Cavalieri:   "Because...it's...too...cold in this...country.

Carragher:   "You f***in' puff." (apologies if this is classed as derogatory)

Hyypia:   "That's a bit strong lad."

Carragher:   "Well what's he whingin' bout the cold for."

Hyypia:   "Don't know, it's like a summer's night to me."

Agger:   "And me."

Spearing:   "You two are from the artic that's why."

Insua:   "I think you'll find it's Scandinavia Jay."

Spearing:   "Close enough."

Insua:   "Well not really you see the Artic...

Spearing:   "Shut it Brains."

Spearing threw a book at Insua.

Kuyt:   "Enoughz of diz violence bloodz, letz do a sing along."

Gerrard:   "You start Curley."

Kuyt:   "Right, doez you allz know diz bad boy. "Take her to the candy shop."

Carragher:   "F**k off dick'ead. Sing somethin' proper."

Kuyt:   "Dat is proper man."

Alonso:   "How about this one chaps. We've won it five times."

Gerrard:   "We've won it five times."

Carragher:   "In Istanbul."

Hyypia:   "We won it five times."

Kuyt:   "Dat iz not as good az mine."

Carragher:   "Well you sing yours cos we're singin' proper songs."

Spearing:   "On the first day of Christmas Bob Paisley sent to me."

Carragher:   "A Clemo in our goal."

Spearing:   "On the second day of Christmas Bob Paisley sent to me."

Gerrard:   "Two Phil Neals."

Carragher:   "And a Clemo in our goal."

Spearing:   "On the third day of Christmas Bob Paisley sent to me."

Agger:   "Three Joey Jones'."

Gerrard:   "Two Phil Neal's."

Carragher:   "And a Clemo in our goal."

Spearing:   "On the fourth day of Christmas Bob Paisley sent to me."

Reina:   "Four Tommy Smith's."

Agger:   "Three Joey Jones'."

Gerrard:   "Two Phil Neal's."

Carragher:   "And a Clemo in our goal."

Spearing:   "On the fifth day of Christmas Bob Paisley sent to me."

Hyypia:   "Five Ray Kennerdy's"

Reina:   "Four Tommy Smith's."

Agger:   "Three Joey Jones'."

Gerrard:   "Two Phil Neal's."

Carragher:   "And a Clemo in our goal."

Spearing:   "On the sixth day of Christmas Bob Paisley sent to me."

Darby:   "Six Emlyn Hughes'."

Hyypia:   "Five Ray Kennerdy's."

Reina:   "Four Tommy Smith's."

Agger:   "Three Joey Jones'."

Gerrard:   "Two Phil Neal's."

Carragher:   "And a Clemo in our goal."

Spearing:   "On the seventh day of Christmas Bob Paisley sent to me."

Alonso:   "Seven Kevin Keegan's."

Darby:   "Six Emlyn Hughes'."

Hyypia:   "Five Ray Kennerdy's."

Reina:   "Four Tommy Smith's."

Agger:   "Three Joey Jones'."

Gerrard:   "Two Phil Neal's."

Carragher:   "And a Clemo in our goal."

Spearing:   "On the eight day of Christmas Bob Paisley sent to me."

Pennant:   "Eight Jimmy Cases'."

Alonso:   "Seven Kevin Keegan's."

Darby:   "Six Emlyn Hughes."

Hyypia:   "Five Ray Kennedy's."

Reina:   "Four Tommy Smith's."

Agger:   "Three Joey Jones'."

Gerrard:   "Two Phil Neal's."

Carragher:   "And a Clemo in our goal."

Spearing:   "On the ninth day of Christmas Bob Paisley sent to me."

Riera:   "Nine Steve Heighway's."

Pennant:   "Eight Jimmy Cases'."

Alonso:   "Seven Kevin Keegan's."

Darby:   "Six Emlyn Hughes."

Hyypia:   "Five Ray Kennerdy's."

Reina:   "Four Tommy Smith's."

Agger:   "Three Joey Jones'."

Gerrard:   "Two Phil Neal's."

Carragher:   "And a Clemo in our goal."

Spearing:   "On the tenth day of Christmas Bob Paisley sent to me."

El Zhar:   "Ten Terry Mc's."

Riera:   "Nine Steve Heighway's."

Pennant:   "Eight Jimmy Cases'."

Alonso:   "Seven Kevin Keegan's."

Darby:   "Six Emlyn Hughes'."

Hyypia:   "Five Ray Kennerdy's."

Reina:   "Four Tommy Smith's."

Agger:   "Three Joey Jones'."

Gerrard:   "Two Phil Neal's."

Carragher:   "And a Clemo in our goal."

Spearing:   "On the eleventh day of Christmas Bob Paisley sent to me."

Insua:   "Eleven Ian Callaghan's."

El Zhar:   "Ten Terry Mc's."

Riera:   "Nine Steve Heighway's."

Pennant:   "Eight Jimmy Case's."

Alonso:   "Seven Kevin Keegan's."

Darby:   "Six Emlyn Hughes'."

Hyypia:   "Five Ray Kennerdy's."

Reina:   "Four Tommy Smith's."

Agger:   "Three Joey Jones'."

Gerrard:   "Two Phil Neal's."

Carragher:   "And a Clemo in our goal."

Benitez:   "At last."

Carragher tried to grasp his breath back while answering Mr. Benitez back

Carragher:   "What do gasp mean gasp at last?" gasp.

Benitez:   "It went on too long James."

Carragher:   "That's our history."

Benitez:   "Well do the present."

Carragher:   "Oh aye, on the thirty second day of Christmas Rafa Benitez sent to me thirty two Nabil El Zhar's. No offence Nab, but it 'ardly rolls off the tongue does it?"

Benitez:   "Well you do one to eleven."

Carragher:   "One two and eleven. Cav, Guts and Unc."

Benitez:   "One to eleven. All the numbers."

Carragher:   "Ow can we. Firstly we don't 'ave a number three or six and secondly if that's the case I don't get a mention."

Reina:   "Or me."

Alonso:   "Or me."

Benayoun:   "Or me."

Reina:   "Come on lets do one to eleven quick.

The lads broke out in laughter at Reina's dig at Benayoun.

Gerrard:   "I reckon we should, it doesn't include Grass, Curley or the long haired brazillian."

Reina:   "Or the sh*t brazillian."

Gerrard:   "That's who I said."

Reina:   "Well the other one then."

Just as the lads agreed to sing the current version of the song, the bus pulled up and it was time to go home. Fernando Torres was waiting for Steven Gerrard.

Darby:   "Not to worry we'll sing it in the restraunt place."

Spearing:   "Where we goin?"

Reina:   "Anywhere Dossena hasn't been first."

The lads started laughing again.

Hyypia:   "Stevie you comin' lad?"

Gerrard:   "Nah, Nando doesn't like being up too late."

Torres:   "I'm in the mood for a meal."

Carragher:   "Come on then, lets get off."

The lads made their way to the chosen destination with Mascherano growling in the back.

That's boss, + for you.

Halloween Party

As the lads made their way down to London again, the night of Halloween beckoned

Spearig:   "That party last night was cracker."

Carragher:   "I egged Leon Osman."

Darby:   "What we he doin' there anyway?"

Carragher:   "He came to pick up his little brother."

Darby:   "Oh Donny?"

Carragher:    "That's 'im. Good singer by all accounts."

Kuyt:   "Like me den."

Hyypia:   "No, in our language good means good not in yours where bad means boss and good means sh*t."

Kuyt:   "Wot you tryingz to say blood?"

Hyypia:   "Well to put it simply, you're a pr**k."

Agger:   "I second that."

Gerrard:   "Forget that, where was this party?"

Carragher:    "On Pickwick Street mate."

Gerrard:   "I was on Penny Lane."

Reina:   "She's fit her."

The lads at the back began laughing at Reina's most obvious joke.

Aurelio:   "You looking forward to going home Robbie?

Keane shrugged.

Aurelio:   "Are there many old friends there?"

Keane shrugged again.

Aurelio:   "Has the cat got your tongue?"

Alonso:   "Just leave Robert alone, he's obviously not feeling in the mood to converse in a coversation but when he is I'm sure he'll let us know. In the mean time just respect his wishes and belt up."

Pennant:   "I'm quiet most of the time."

Reina:   "That's because when you open your mouth you chat sh*te."

Lucas:   "That's like me then, when I get a football I play sh*te."

Carragher:   "That's the way Lucas lad, admittin' it is the first step. Handin' in a transfer request is the second."

Glances were exchanged between Mr Benitez and Carragher while muted laughter was coming from the back row.

Torres:   "It's good to be back on the bus with all the banter again."

Gerrard:    "We've missed you."

Torres:   "I can't help being injured though."

Gerrard:    "I know that and nobody blames you."

Torres:    "You really do know how to make a man feel good."

Lee:    "Ang on a minute, we'll have nothing like that on my bus."

Spearing:   "Nothin' like what Sam?"

Lee:    "Stevie makin' a man feel good."

Spearing:   "He's only complimentin' Nando ye soft git. Nothin' wrong in that."

Lee:    "Oh that's alright then."

Torres:    "He's so paranoid."

Gerrard:    "It's because Dossena has ate his dinner."

Torres:    "Oh I see."

Gerrard:   "He hasn't ate yours has he?"

Torres:    "No but the meat is too big for me."

Gerrard:   "Hand it over, I'm used to handleing your big meat."

Lee:    "That's it, you two can walk."

Spearing:   "Sit down Sam, their exchanging turkey sarnies. Seriously startin' to worry about you."

Lee:   "I haven't had me dinner, me mind's running away."

Gerrard:   "Do you want Nando's sarny then Sam?"

Torres:   "No. You're the only one who can have my food."

Torres pushed Gerrard's hand away from Sam Lee.

Carragher:   "Nando's one protective git at time ain't he."

Hyypia:   "Probably his first love, doesn't wanna share it."

Reina:    "Better not mention Miss Lane then."

The lads laughed again and Torres looked over.

Torres:   "They're talking about us."

Gerrard:   "There's nothing to discuss about us."

Torres:   "Who is Miss Lane?"

Gerrard shrugged and continued eating the turkey butty

Torres:   "Don't lie to me Stevie."

Gerrard:   "I'm not lying. I don't know any girl called Lane."

Torres:    "That's who you was with last night wasn't it."

Gerrard:    "What's wrong with you?"

Torres:    "Don't talk to me Steven George Gerrard."

Gerrard turned and looked at his "mates"

Gerrard:   "Thanks lads."

Spearing:   "What for?"

Gerrard:    "He thinks I'm with some girl called Lane and that I was with her last night."

Reina:   "You was. Penny Lane. Remember?"

Gerrard:    "Oh you bas**rds, he thinks I was really with a girl."

Hyypia:   "Penny has a nice family. Lark, Edge, Lodge and Park."

Torres:   "I never want to speak to him again. I saw the way he was all over Kuyt when he scored against Wigan. He's never like that with me anymore."

Benitez:    "I know, I know. Let it all out."

Arbeloa:    "Go let it out, go let it in, go let it out."

Torres:    "It's like I don't exist anymore. Like I'm just a toy for him nowadays. The sparks gone."

Benitez:    "I'm sure it's just a phase. He'll be very good to you in the future."

Arbeloa:   "It's good to be back, it's good to be back, Hello."

Torres:   "I want Stevie back."

Benitez:   "He'll be back before you know it. Probably by the end of the day."

Arebloa:   "On this our wedding day."

Torres continued crying his heart out to Mr Benitez.

Carragher:   "Ow 'eavy are you Chubs?"

Dossena:   "None of your business."

Carragher:   "It's a simple enough question."

Dossena:   "And one you're not getting an answer to."

Hyypia:   "He probably doesn't know. Probably never stepped on a pair of scales unless they had a mars bar on them."

Agger:   "Even then he wouldn't stay on them long enough to find out."

Spearing:   "Nah he'd be off for 'is next batch of grub."

Reina:   "Most people have breafast, dinner and tea as three different meals. Not him, he has them as three meals three times a day."

Carragher:   "And that's just 'is snacks."

The back row started laughing and pointing at Dossena as he opened his fourth mars bar.

Lee:   "Come on that's it. In to the hotel and off to bed."

The lads made their way to their hotel rooms.

Gerrard and Torres were sharing a room with a double bed

Gerrard:   "I'm sorry Nando. Miss Lane is a street in Liverpool. It's called Penny Lane and the lads were just winding us both up."

Torres:    "Are you sure?"

Gerrard:    "Positive love."

Torres:   "I forgive you then."

Gerrard and Torres exchanged a intimate hug, while next door Carragher and Hyypia were making prank phone calls.

Carragher:    "Hello."

Crouch:    "Hello?"

Carragher:    "Is this Peter Crouch?"

Crouch:   "Yes."

Carragher:    "I've just spotted you in town and I needed to tell you there was no need to wear a mask tonight, Halloween is tomorrow."

Crouch:   "I wasn't wearing a mask."

Carragher:    "I know."

Carragher and Hyypia broke into hysterics while Crouch hung up.

Hyypia:   "It's my go.

Crouch:   "Hello?"

Hyypia:   "Is your Abigail single?"

Crouch:   "Well of course not, she's with me."

Hyypia:   "Well whose this in my bed?"

Crouch again hung up with Hyypia and Carragher rolling around on the floor.

Spearing:    "Sounds like Carra and Sam are doin' prankees."

Darby:   "Childish."

Spearing:    "I'd love to do a good one to of them."

Darby:    "Nah they spot it a mile off."

Carragher:   "Hello can you put me through to the talent co-ordinator please."

Voice:   "One minute sir."

Heat Magazine Editor:   "Hello, what is it?"

Carragher:   "I've just seen a look a like of Ugly Betty."

Heat Magazine Editor:   "Oh that's great. Where?"

Carragher:    "Wearing number 32 at Old Trafford."

Carragher hung up this time and the two called it a night.

 "Wearing number 32 at Old Trafford."
 !! Class!!

What a good read. Excellent mate.

And by the way, since when was Rafa the love doctor?

Detention After Wednesday

After the school crashed out of the School's Cup in midweek Mr Benitez had a few words for some of the kids. Some of the more advanced kids also gave their take on events.

Benitez:   "I've never been so disappointed. How could you play so badly? After asking your parents if you could stay up late, getting their permission and then perform like that. Did you not know how important this game was no? It's vital we now don't make another mistake like that."

Carragher:    "You mean like never pickin' Dossena again?"

Benitez:    "Yes."

Dossena:    "Papa pia it wasn't all my fault."

Carragher:    "It was mate. Trust me."

Pennant:    "Trust a scouser? That's like kicking on old lady to death. Wrong, disgraceful and completely a waste of time."

Spearing:    "A bit like signin' you then you useless lump of sh*te."

Pennant:    "Who asked you pipsqueak?"

Spearing:    "Ye mam asked me for fifty quid last night, but I only had thirty on me. She still took it mind you."

Darby:    "Is mam would, she'll do anything for money."

Hyypia:    "She'll do more for free."

A few of the class, including Mr Benitez, laughed and nodded in agreement.

Lucas:    "I think it's wrong of you to make fun of Jermaine and his family."

Gerrard:    "You make fun of Mr Benitez every time you play."

Lucas:    "How?"

Gerrard:    "By trying to play football."

Lucas:    "I can play football can't I sir."

Benitez:    "Of course you can Lucas."

Lucas:    "See."

Benitez:    "Just not in England."

Lucas:    "Well I never said I could play in England."

Agger:    "Why do you persist on playing him sir?"

Anybody who has seen Dad's Army the movie will already have seen this next joke and I don't mind admittin I've robbed it from there, but it fits perfectly.

Benitez:   "Well his mum holds my ration book and I go round there for meals and that sort of thing."

Agger:    "What sort of thing?"

Benitez:    "Well you know..." words mumble and eventually stop.

Hyypia:    "You dirty devil, I thought you stopped all that when you sold Garcia."

Gerrard:    "His mum must have been something special because Luis gave us some great moments."

Reina:    "Lucas' mum must be awful then."

The lads started laughing while Lucas' eyes filled up.

Carragher:    "I'm not 'avin' this, Chubs is gettin' away scott free."

Dossena:    "Pardon?"

Carragher:    "You were sh*t on Wendsday, sh*t since you arrived and nobody has said a thing about it. Well I am. You're f***in' sh*t."

Dossena:    "I always heard how scousers have a great sense of humour."

Carragher:    "I'm not jokin' lad."

Dossena:    "You must be the other sort of scouser I hear about then. The lying type."

Carragher:    "I'm not lyin' either lad."

Dossena:    "But of course you are, I am Andrea Dossena, the best damn left back in town."

Carragher:    "Toytown maybe, but in this town you're sh*t."

Cavalieri:    "Steady on James."

Spearing:    "Shut it you, you're just as bad."

Plessis:    "Jay you wasn't even picked so you have no right to comment really."

Darby:    "You always pick on Jay you, just because he's a dwarf and you're like six foot ten."

Plessis:    "I am merely pointing out facts not picking on an... Plessis screeched out as Spearing headbutted his ankle.

Spearing:    "That feels better."

Hyypia:    "Who for?"

Spearing:   "Me."

Hyypia:    "I thought so."

In the corner of the class, Torres and Gerrard were having a very quiet conversation.

Torres:    "Tell me the truth Stevie...

Gerrard:    "Have I lied to you in the past?"

Torres:    "Well yes, but that's not the point. Did I play badly on Wednesday?"

Gerrard:    "Of course not my dear. You were unfit, in terms of match fitness because you're always fit in terms of appearance you know that, but no you didn't play badly."

Torres:    "Are you sure?"

Gerrard:    "Of course I'm sure. It was the rest of the team, they let you down."

Torres:    "Well you didn't help."

Gerrard:    "I couldn't. Mr Benitez thought it'd be better if I stayed at home this time."

Torres:    "Who else was at this home?"

Gerrard:    "Nobody. You're too paronoid dear."

Torres:    "I'm sorry. It's just when I hear the way the rest talk, I get frightened of losing my Stevie."

Gerrard:    "Well don't. I only have eyes and balls for you."

The two stared at each other while the rest of the class was arguing.

At this point Spearing had headbutted Plessis' ankles a further three times, Carragher had shoved Dossena's head into the chocolate cake Andrea was eating, it was his third of the day and Reina had shown Cavalieri what a mistake he made in midweek. Except Reina used his foot, this to went through Cavalieri's legs and also hit the back of the net, so to speak.

Hyypia:    "Isn't it great lads, nobody is blamin' us."

Agger & Darby:    "Yeah it is."

Insua:    "Is anybody blaming me? You see I spent most of the time trying to eradicate Dossena's errors because he played so poorly. I don't think anybody can really blame me can they."

Darby:    "Nah you're alright Brains, nobody will blame you."

Agger:    "I reckon we bring Brains to the back seat with us, he's alright really."

Insua:    "I do not think that is such a good idea Daniel as I wouldn't get any studying done."

Hyypia:    "Yeah but you could teach us what you do know."

Insua:    "You do not need me."

Hyypia:    "Wanna bet? We're thick as pig sh*t back here."

Arebloa:    "I want you back, I want you back, I want you back for good."

Agger:    "I won't miss his singing if he does go back to Spain."

Hyypia:    "Nah me neither, but I don't want Sicknote playin' every week do you lad?"

Darby:    "He's sicknote, he'll never be fit so it means I'll play."

Agger:    "I've never seen him in school."

Hyypia:    "He's always in the medical room that's why."

Agger:    "How's Marty getting on?"

Hyypia:    "I 'eard he bit the cast off."

Agger:    "But they removed his teeth, that's why I lost mine on Saturday. I was gonna give it to him. How did he bite it off with no teeth?"

Hyypia:    "He used 'is gums."

Agger:    "He's one hard man him."

Hyypia:    "Too right lad. I ain't gonna try an' upset 'im."

Conversations continued as did the fighting. Dossena was trying to finish his fifth packet of rich tea biscuits when Carragher strangled him with a string of uncooked sausages. It was to no avail though as Dossena ate them off his neck. Plessis tried throwing a punch at Spearing but couldn't find him and Cavalieri was learning some new tricks off Reina. This time Reina was showing him how to stop the second goal, so he walked straight up to Dossena and punched him flat out, telling Cavalieri "that's what you do when you're in trouble, you take both ball and player out."

Mr Benitez called the class to an end though before the violence got too out of hand.

Just because I know Shay's waiting for it, I'll have to sort a new one out. Be done by tea time Shay.

Good lad, Billy. 

Derby Day Build Up

As the latest Merseyside derby approaches Mr Benitez and his class were preparing even more intense than usual.

Hyypia: "We can't let these bas**rds beat us ye know Carra.

Carragher: "I know Sam, I 'ate them."

Hyypia: "They don't 'ave a forward though."

Carragher: "Doesn't bother them, they'll still just try an' kick us off the park."

Hyypia: "We'll f***in' 'ave them then won't we Ste?"

Gerrard: "Too fuckink right lad. We'll give them a right going over especially at Anfield."

Carragher: "We need to get everyone up for this."

Alonso: "Do not worry chaps I am up for this football match."

Agger: "Good lad Xabi lad."

Skrtel: "Erm...I'm up for...it."

Reina: "Don't let Jodie Marsh hear you say that mate."

Skrtel: "Erm...why?"

Alonso: "Do not try and explain it to him Jose, he still wouldn't understand the point you were trying to make."

Spearing: "F**k Jodie Marsh, lets just concentrate on twatting these bitter cu*ts."

Lee: "That's the attitude Jay."

Spearing: "Is right."

Carragher: "You up for it Nando."

Torres: "Yes Carra."

Carragher: "What about you Tom?"

Mascherano growled in agreement.

Kuyt: "I iz wellz upz for dis."

Keane: "I wanna make Moyes cry."

Carragher: "Anybody got the new song sorted?"

Arebloa: "Cheer up Davey Moyes. Stop your crying noise. Cos you, took a good twatting. From the Liverpool boys."

Carragher: "Day dream believer."

Hyypia: "Wasn't bad that one."

Gerrard: "I liked it."

The class continued to discuss the choice of song while Mr Benitez set up his chalkboard.

Benitez: "Right come on boys, lets discuss tactics. Kick the bas**rds to kingdom come."

Kuyt: "Iz rightz bozz."

Lucas: "Will I be playing sir?"

Carragher: "f***in' 'ope not."

Lucas: "Why?"

Carragher: "Cos ye sh*t lad."

Lucas: "I'm not am I Sami?"

Hyypia: "No mate, you're worse than that."

Reina: "Too right, Lucas you're awful."

Agger: "Benayoun you're sh*te as well."

Benayoun: "You're hardly world class."

Gerrard: "He's better than you Yossi. In all fairness, you're not that good."

Lee: "Come on lads, it's the build up to the derby game we shouldn't be arguing amongst one another."

Carragher: "Yeah Sam's right. Lets get back to that reject from Star Trek."

Spearing: "And that Aussie c**t."

Hyypia: "Didn't you jump him at their place Jay?"

Spearing: "Yeah then the f***in' spud 'ead Yank got involved so Ste Darby give him a right 'ook."

Hyypia: "Quality lad."

Spearing: "Well he shouldn't of tried to take out our Xabi."

Alonso: "I am most grateful old bean."

Spearing: "In future just say ta."

Alonso: "Ta la."

Hyypia: "You're gettin' there Xab."

Carragher: "Who is gonna be down the left?"

Gerrard: "Anyone but fat arse."

Kuyt: "I tink it willz be Fab and Alb you dig."

Gerrard: "Ye what?"

Aurelio: "Didn't you understand?"

Reina: "No."

Aurelio: "Why not?"

Hyypia: "Because he talks like a pr**k."

Reina: "Iz right."

The lads began laughing as Reina took the piss out of Kuyt.

Carragher: "So who is down the left?"

Keane: "Aurelio and Uncle Albert."

Riera: "Si si."

Keane: "Which means I don't play."

Benitez: "Si si." A smile comes over Mr Benitez' face.

Benayoun: "Work hard Keano, you'll get there in the end."

Keane: "My name's not F***ing Keano."

Benayoun: "My apologies."

Keane: "pr**k."

Sam Lee quickly stoped the two getting into a fight, while Dossena sat at the back eating an egg custard.

Benitez: "It's obvious we're all up for this game, so I'll tell you what go home early and get some rest. Class dismissed.

The class made their way to their various homes. Jay Spearing and Stephen Darby were making their way to Nemeth's home to play on his Xbox 360, on the way there they bumped into Leon Osman and battered him for kicks. Nemeth saw the incident and joined in, throwing the odd dig.

Top man, Billy.

 


DLS, had me in stitches mate...thanks, I've missed the players one.


Love what you do with Dirk Kuyt...F***ing funny as. 

Haha! Very entertaining Cheers!

Absolutely brilliant. Xabi and Pepe's roles are quiet but funny as F**k.

Day Off

As the rest of the educational system sat down for another test in the FA Cup, Liverpool Football School were told they could no longer particpate on account they were too good and needed to give other school's a chance to catch up. With this in mind, Mr Benitez called the boys into school on Saturday but allowed them to just talk amongst themselves.

Carragher: "What are we doin' tonight then boys?"

Hyypia: "Valentine's Day in it. I reckon I'll be with Jenny Ellison tonight."

Spearing: "I'm with Natasha 'Amilton."

Darby: "Who the fucks that?"

Spearing: "Some bird who can sing. Ken Dodd set me up with 'er."

Carragher: "I'm with Danielle Lloyd anyway."

Agger: "Isn't she Babel's bird?"

Carragher: "What's your point mate? Anyway your with that bird Crouchy went with, what's she called...Taby or Flabby or somethin'"

Agger: "It's Abi."

Spearing: "How did you pull that Dan?"

Reina: "With 60 grand a week I should imagine."

Agger: "Oh aye, look who's talking. Mr Cilla Black."

Reina: "That was a one off."

Darby: "Yeah Cilla's with our Dirk now ain't she lad."

Kuyt: "Wot didz you sez blood?"

Darby: "You and Cilla an item."

Kuyt: "Iz right. She iz one fize bi*ch azz hoe."

Carragher: "Does she call you chuck?"

Kuyt: "Yiz blood, datz her pet namez for me."

Hyypia: "Awww 'ow sweet. Dirk Chuck."

The lads began laughing while Torres and Gerrard started discussing their plans for the night.

Torres: "Where are you taking me tonight Stevie."

Gerrard: "To heaven and back."

Torres: "That sounds nice."

Gerrard: "It is except the chips are a bit soggy."

Torres: "But are the sausages nice?"

Gerrard: "Oh yes and there always big."

Torres: "What about afterwards?"

Gerrard: "After a sausage like that you won't have the energy for anything afterwards."

Torres: "I bought you a present."

Torres hands Gerrard a box and Gerrard opens it to find 8 red roses and a massage kit.

Gerrard: "It's just what I've always wanted." Gerrard's face fills with glee.

Torres: "Did you get me anything?"

Gerrard: "Well of course I did."

Torres: "What is it?"

Gerrard: "Surprise, surprise."

Kuyt: "Datz my Cilla."

Gerrard: "Shut it Curley, can't you see me and Nando are having an intimate moment."

Reina: "Only one Stevie? I thought you'd be having at least six."

Torres: "We will be later."

Gerrard: "Can everyone just shut up while I give Nando my present."

Reina: "I think he'd prefer that in the confides of your bedroom."

The class began laughing while Gerrard went bright red.

Alonso: "I say Steven old chap why is it I never get a special present off you."

Torres: "Because he doesn't love you."

Arbeloa: "Love, love me do. You know I love you."

Torres: "Be quite Arby, only I love Stevie."

Insua: "That's not strictly true Fernando. You see Steven's ability on the football field has warmed the hearts of so many Liverpool fans that every last one them loves him just as much as you do."

Reina: "Yeah but it's not Stevie's ability on the football field that Nando loves about him."

Torres: "Exactly."

Skrtel: "Er...does...er...any...b ody...love me?"

Carragher: "That is a face only a mother could love Marty." Skrtel smiles as somebody loves him. Providing you don't smile of course mate.

Spearing: "Eh 'ang on I bought a box of chocolates for Natasha, where are they?"

All eyes turned to Andrea Dossena.

Dossena: "I haven't a touched your chocolate."

Spearing: "Well what that's your eating?"

Dossena: "This is Carragher's chocolate."

Carragher: "You fat f**ker.

Carragher ran straight over to Dossena and give him a good right hook. Benayoun ran in the opposite direction to grass to teacher.

Lucas: "You can have my chocolate Andrea, I've no one to give them to."

Aurelio: "What happened to you and that lovely French girl then Louey?"

Lucas: "She said she needed someone who could speak French."

Aurelio: "You can can't you?"

Lucas: "Yes but not the language she wanted to speak."

Lucas lowered his head as the class started laughing.

Carragher: "You got a bird yet Unc?"

Riera: "Si si."

Carragher: "Bit tasty is she?"

Riera: "Si si."

Carragher: "You gonna get lucky tonight."

Riera: "Si si."

Carragher: "Just try not to lose her with your language skills."

Riera: "Nah I'll try not la."

Hyypia: "Eh Carra, if you're with Danielle Lloyd. Who is Babel with?"

Carragher: "It was a Nuts special so no doubt Ry will be in the bog all night."

Hyypia: "D'ya reckon Rafa 'as got a bird."

Carragher: "Yeah he's with the ugly bird from Girls Aloud."

Hyypia: "Serious?"

Carragher: "Well he's with some bird, I saw her in his car."

Hyypia: "How d'ya know it's the girl from Girls Aloud then?"

Carragher: "Well he's always miserable so she can't be a dolly."

Agger: "What happened to that Montse girl?"

Spearing: "He chucked 'er."

Agger: "Why?"

Spearing: "Apparently Rick Parry said they looked like a good couple and ye know how much he gets wrong."

Conversations continued until Mr Benitez dismissed the class and off they went on their romantic nights. Although we still don't know what Gerrard got Torres as a present.