It was 10 am on the dot and all the lads had turned up to see if they were part of Mr. Benitez' plans for the trip to Birmingham.
Benitez: "OK it's good to see you here all so early but Steven you shouldn't have bothered, you're in no condition to be playing. I'm sorry but you'll have to stay behind, I'm going to send Sami Hyypia in your place. You shouldn't be going at all Hyypia, but you're the only other option. So get on. The rest of the side is Cavlieri, Dossena, Agger, Keane, Torres, Aurelio, Alonso, Yossi, Arebloa, Kuyt, Babel, Mascherano, Lucas, Insua, Carragher, N'Gog, Reina, Spearing, El Zhar and Darby. Obviously three of you will miss out but the other 18 will be in the squad."
The back was again claimed by Spearing, Carragher, Agger, Darby and Hyypia all of whom were nursing hangovers from the previous night. Fernando Torres sat alone reading the card Gerrard had given him for Valentine's Day.
Carragher: "Did ya pull anyone last night then Jay?"
Spearing: "Pulled a f***in hernia lad, that girl was was somethin else. Non stop for three hours."
Darby: "That girl, don't you even remember her name?"
Spearing: "Do you?"
Darby: "Why should I remember her name?"
Spearing: "Cos you had a go with her after me."
Darby: "Did I? F**k I was wasted last night la, don't remember a thing. If that copper hadn't woken me up this morning I wouldn't of made it on time. I'd still be asleep on that bench."
Hyypia: "Bench? What was ya doin on a bench lad?"
Darby: "Tryin to get a kip."
Agger: "Why didn't you go home?"
Darby: "Cos I didn't know me left from right never mind tryin to get home. Where did you four end up anyway?"
Spearing: "I ended up in Sevvy Park with sick all around me."
Carragher: "I managed to blag me way into some auld biddy's house. Comfy bed, sh*te sex."
Hyypia: "I went home but had to kip on the front step. Me mam wouldn't let me in. Said she didn't like me drinkin. Cheeky cow."
Agger: "I went home an all lads. Fell up the stairs three or four times though."
Darby: "Sounds like we all had an eventful night home then."
Spearing: "Wha' abar Pepe anyway? 'Ow did he get on?"
Hyypia: "He left with that blonde haired girl last night."
Spearing: "He pulled her? Jammy b***ard, no wonder he's smilin today."
The conversations on the back row varied between topics. Then Diego Cavalieri shoued out.
Cavalieri: "OI ROBBIE, DID YOU GET THE DVD I ASKED FOR?"
Keane: "Yeah no sweat Dee, but before I hand it over where's the cash?"
Cavalieri: "It's in my bank. I promise I'll get it out when we reach Birmingham."
Keane: "Well you can have the DVD when we reach Birmingham as well."
Carragher: "Cav, you shout like that again you Brazilian c**t an I'll tw*t ya. Already got a bangin 'eadache, don't need you makin worse."
Cavalieri: "Yes I'm sorry. I just want my DVD."
Hyypia: "Well pay him and you can."
Spearing: "Wha' DVD is it?"
Keane: "Can't say Jay. Confidetential infomation. Can't reveal what my clients ask for."
Agger: "Probably some Salza video or something."
Cavalieri: "No it's nothing like that at all."
Spearing: "Wha' is it then Cav?"
Cavalieri refused to answer.
Spearing: "You tha' embarrassed by it? F**k, must be some shitty film."
Cavalieri: "I'm not embarrassed, I just don't want to speak to the likes of you."
Hyypia: "Watch you're f***in mouth Cav or I'll come over and kick the sh*t out of ya. Cheeky tw*t. Who do ya think you are lad?"
Benitez: "OK that's enough you lot. I've already got Babel at the front of the bus for looking at pornography again. I can easily have some more."
Arbeloa: "More than a woman, more than a woman to me."
Benitez: "Alvaro get to the front. Don't you dare try and make me look stupid."
Arbeloa moved to the front of the bus instantly and the conversations died out for a while until El Zhar's voice broke the silence.
El Zhar: "Eh Chubs you got any more pizza left?"
Dossena: "Yes, thank you."
El Zhar: "Can I have some?"
Spearing: "Don't be arlarse Chubs, just give him some."
Dossena: "No, my mama mia made me the this. It's all I have for the journey."
El Zhar: "A 36 inch pizza and you can't give me any?"
Dossena: "If I give you any there won't be enough for me. I'll starve."
Darby: "36 inches? You greedy b***ard Chubs. That's not right that."
El Zhar: "Just one piece."
Dossena: "No. This is mine, you should bring your own."
Kuyt: "Is right Chubs. Deese youngstas don't tink of a ting. Day tink we'll provide for dem. Don't feed dem blood."
Dossena: "Thank you Curley."
Carragher: "Shut the F**k up Kuyt Diddy. It's nothin to do with you."
Kuyt: "Is nuttin to do wiv you either blood. Hyprocrite."
Carragher: "You wanna make it somethin to do with me?"
Kuyt went silent and sat back down in his seat
Carragher: "Didn't think so. So just stay sat down you blert. And Chubs give Nab some grub lad."
Dossena: "It's all gone. I have no food."
El Zhar: "You've ate it all? You're a greedy f**ker you la."
The back row started laughing again.
Hyypia: "Christ almighty that's the best laugh I've 'ad in a while. A forigner tryin to sound Scouse.
The conversations raged on while Insua read his book on nuclear physics and Torres was re-reading his Valentine's card from Gerrard.
Lucas: "I say Masch, what do you think of my painting? It's meant to be the Liver Bird."
Mascherano snarled and growled.
Lucas: "As bad as that? Mr Pelligrino what do you think of my drawing?"
Pelligrino: "I think it's wonderful Lucas. It looks just like the Empire State building."
Lucas: "Oh it was meant to be the Liver Bird."
Pelligrino: "Well in that case, it was a good effort."
Arbeloa: "Good golly miss molly."
Keane: "Eh Lukey, I can get you some art lessons you know. My mum's mate's husband's step daughter's real dad's second wife is a hell of a teacher in art. She's cheap as well. Want me to set it up?
Lucas: "Thanks Robbie, but I'm OK honestly."
Keane: "OK mate, just thought I'd offer."
The bus pulled up outside Villa Park.
Lee: "This is it boss. Time to head off.
Benitez: "Yeah thanks Sam. You're a good driver no? Come on lads, time to get off and get changed."
The team left and headed for the changing rooms.
And the outcome of this episode can be seen tomorrow on Sky Sports 1 at 4pm.