They're Back
After a healthy lay off due to legal reasons over defamation of character, we are proud to say that LFCReds School is back despite the best interests of Mac-Red to inform us that the end is nigh.
JD: "Welcome one and all to another enjoyable, though I use that word loosely, day at LFCReds School. Obviously we've all been subject to much disappointment since the last time you were here, some telling us everything with the world is wrong, others telling us that everything with the world is wrong in a constructive manner and others just telling us it's realistic to believe that everything with the world is wrong. We've also had others constantly moan about those who moan which does strike a good deal of irony but of course that's lost on our less-intelligent students."
Brooklyn Red: "Students' education represents teachers ability."
JD: "Not strictly true but never mind, Americans are used to twisting the truth hence why World War II started in the 1943 not in 1939 like it did for the rest of us. But that's a whole different debate. Let me return to the matter at hand which is introducing you all to the new teachers since we were last open. We have Mr Robbo teaching music, Mr Puppy teaching history, Ms Gerrard teaching sex ed boys around the school assembly giggle at the word sex Miss Patel teaching fashion design, Mr Crouchino assitting Miss Patel with fashion design and he specialies in green trousers, Mr 7kk7 teaching geography and former prefect Reslivo will help me in the tech block. I'll be specialising in IT while Mr Res will teach design technology. As well as former teachers, deputy head, Mr Kenny will return to his cookery class, Mrs Smigger will continue maths, Mr Ayrton will resume installing discipline as well as language skills and Mr County will continue to teach you the rest of Science except sex ed boys around the hall continue to giggle at the word sex. And first lesson will be with Mr Ayrton because I think you could all do with some discipline."
whyowhyowhy: "Ooooo."
Gow: "Sound like Frankie Howerd there."
whyowhyowhy: "And you sound like somebody getting involved when it doesn't concern you."
bigvYNWA: "Calm down a bit girl."
Gow: "Sound like Harry Enfield there lad."
bigvYNWA: "Who the fucks that limey?"
billythered: "Comedian who does a skit of Scousers."
bigvYNWA: "How like?"
racerx34: "Puts on the dodgy accent and a curly wig."
RLB: "Looks like Craig Johnston."
bigvYNWA: "Ah now I can picture him."
aussiered: "Me to."
stuey: "I'm not sure how often people have wanted to imagine Harry Enfield as a Scouser."
Mr Ayrton storms into the room and with a single stare, the room is instantly silent.
Ayrton: "Who in here knows French?"
reddebs: "You hopefully."
Ayrton: "Correct and now you have detention."
simolfc: "So you get detention for being correct?"
Ayrton: "Correct and you'll be joining her in detention."
HUYTON RED: "c**t."
Ayrton: "That too is correct and you're on detention."
RLB: "Why though?"
Ayrton: "Because I'm the teacher and I don't appreciate sarcasm in my classroom. I expect French. Understand?"
RLB: "Oui."
Ayrton: "Detention for sarcasm."
The bell rings ending first lesson and Mr Ayrton's hatred for all things humourous. Next is fashion design with new teachers Miss Patel and Mr Crouchino.
Bpatel: "Right settle down class. We're gonna start with the easiest thing possible in fashion design however the comic genius supplying us with this enjoyment hasn't a clue about anything fashionable so it's a tad difficult. But we will be doing some fashion work. So we're having a fashion show. Starting with KopiteKid, AZPatriot, Brian78 and Adryan. After that we'll have BigMick, s@int, scottbott and Igor Zidane. After that it'll be time for dinner or lunch for our more upper class classmate."
Crouchino: "I would like to add anybody who uses green trousers in their catwalk will be looked on favourably.
The first group of four start strutting their stuff and make a good impression. The second four however look like total idiots and are wishing they hadn't transferred from Newkit School.
The dinner time bell then rang. During dinner, Mac-Red, Corballyred and Red Horizon continued their pursuit of telling us the world was wrong in every way. In the staff room there was a shortage of food after Mr Kenny was served.
Conversations varied between everyone during dinner until it was time for Science with Mr County who recently became a father which everybody in the production team of LFCReds School would like to congratulate Mr and Mrs County and newborn baby County.
CRK: "Alright boys and girls, we're gonna enjoy ourselves in biology. We're gonna dissect Mac-Red, nah only joking we're gonna dissect a frog. But like fashion design class, our creator doesn't have the faintest about Science so there won't be any technicalities with the dissection of Kermet."
Each member of the class dissected their frogs. The reason for the frog dissection was because in cookery in last lesson, the class are gong to cook frog's legs. This seemed the easiest way to prepare it.
Pglynn91: "My frogs lost an eye."
little luis: "I suspect something has gone wrong then."
Pglynn: "Well I gathered that but what?"
HardcoreSoldier: "Stab in the dark here but I suspect it's a lost an eye, that's what's went wrong."
Pglynn: "But why did that happen?"
BBB: "Cos you've fu**ed it up perhaps by sticking the blade of the knife through the eye of the frog when alls we're doing is cutting off the legs. Perhaps something was lost in translation."
HardcoreSoldier: "F***ing hell we're back in French then."
RLB: "Be careful mate, otherwise there'll be a detention flying it's way to you."
HardcoreSolider: "Froggy doesn't scare me."
Mr Ayrton barges into the classroom.
Ayrton: "What was that comment?"
HardcoreSoldier: "Erm...erm...erm..."
Ayrton: "Well?"
HardcoreSoldier: "The frog Sir. We've been dissecting them and some got a bit squirmish and I was saying it doesn't worry me."
Ayrton: "Who got squirmish?"
HardcoreSoldier: "Erm...Semple."
Mr Ayrton hands semple a detention letter with the reason "big girl's blouse crying over a bit of frog gut." Meanwhile the class took their frogs legs to the kitchen for last lesson, cookery.
RedKenny: "Are we all alright?"
all: "Yes Mr Kenny, Sir."
RedKenny: "Well god help the left handers then."
The class duly laugh at Mr Kenny's rather pathetic joke.
RedKenny: "So what have we got today to cook?"
Gazza31: "Frogs legs Sir."
RedKenny: "Ah that's right. And has anybody cooked frogs legs before?"
There's a stunned silence.
RedKenny: "Well thank god for that, that means we can stick to simple beans on toast. A proper meal. Now everyone get a tin of beans."
The class rush to their beans.
RedKenny: "Careful with the tin openers then lash your beans in the pan. Light the ring on the cooker and slowly cook through. Meanwhile put your toast either in the toaster or on the grill depending on how you like your toast. And there you go, a perfect meal."
fields of anny road: "Don't we cook anything exciting in this school Sir?"
RedKenny: "After a tin of beans, you'll have plenty of excitement tonight on the bog."
As the class laughed the home time bell rang and off everybody went on their merry ways. Some home, some to the park, some to town and some to detention.
Don't forget to tune in next time to see if anything exciting happens in any of the classes and if anybody gets more than just a handful of lines per episode.
Goodnight.
Logged
