Whilst getting particularly bored in work this morning I was thinking that now we are coming to the last game of the season (what over so soon?) I thought a few alternative awards would be in order as so many football people have done their utmost to entertain and wind you up during the far too short season, so hereâs to the unsung heroes.
1.The Robbie Fowler(in retrospect was that a good idea) goal celebration award.Tim Cahill of Everton for his marvellous cross armed handcuff salute, not in celebration of his S&M activities with Gollum but in fact to show his support for his jailed brother who mistakenly beat the crap out of an innocent man.
2. The Lazarus award for Quickest recovery despite career threatening injury.Didier Drogba Vs Barca, left the field with his leg hanging on by a thread with the Physio not expecting him to last the night, but after a quick sit down and the application of some natty jelly flip flops was able to run onto the pitch shouting âdid you see that?, its an F**king disgrace!â well yes we did Dogbreath and yes it was.
3. The I have gone down more than Linda Lovelace award.Although Pederson did his best to win this one with his triple pike with girly scream attempt during the game with Arsenal despite not having been touched I am pleased to announce Didier Drogba wins another one. He is so far ahead of the competition on a week to week basis as despite his 6ft 2â 163lb frame he easily manages to con referees by throwing himself to the floor without so much as a fart by the opposition, well done Drogba because anyone who has such a dodgy barnet should do all he can to avoid it being seen so it takes great bravery to constantly end up re enacting full metal jacket and so exposing your bonce to the watching world.
4. (and on that note) The Bobby Charlton âface facts youâre a slapheadâ award.Donât worry its not Drogba with three in a row or Wayne âlock up your gransâ Rooney even though both are rapidly becoming more follicly challenged by the day. The award goes to Alan Shearer and all those who follow suit with the oasis in a desert of baldness style, with hair departing faster than a Surrey Manc at Liverpool game why oh why do these people think all is well if they leave a little rug on the front of their head where once was flowing locks? Bite the bullet and shave it off for gods sake you aint kidding anyone and washing your hair would be a whole lot quicker!
5. The Playground Bully Award 2009Goes toâŚâŚ.Sir Alex âFamous Grouseâ Ferguson coupled with (or so I have heard!) Spam âI could of managed Englandâ Allardyce, the antics these two got up to after Rafaâs disgraceful behaviour at the Blackburn game are beyond criticism, I mean on one hand we have the knight of the distillery Slur Alex, a man who has never said a bad word about anyone well anyone who ever posed a threat anyway and Spam a managerial legend in his own shed, a manager so engrossed in watching his team get twonked at Anfield that it needed the red nosed one to point out the total lack of respect that was being shown to him six foot away to his right hand side!!
6. And finally (for now) The Roy Keane â Oh crap I miss the cup finalâ award.We have a couple of nominations here for this closely contested award, firstly Darren Fletcher who has done really well by bungling his way out of a European cup (sorry champions league) final and despite beetroot nose doing his best to rescind the ban UEFA have seen sense and done whatâs right for football, they have ignored demento and the ban stands.
My winner for going all out to miss a cup final has to be Phil âyour fine its only a twingeâ Jagielka, this lad has shown outstanding courage going as far to do himself harm rather than appear in a once in a lifetime Cup final, and no matter how much the physio tried to console him with âtheres always next yearâ this just seemed to make matters worse, funny that!
These are just a few that have sprung straight to mind and I havenât even covered the best haircut or most looking like a Bangkok lady boy yet!.... now I wonder who would win those? :
