John Terry jokes

* A Chelsea player is stopped for speeding at 130mph in a 30mph zone. When the police ask him to explain, he says: "I've just heard John Terry is parked outside my house."

* After Wayne Bridge refused to play for England while John Terry remains captain, fans are now urging JT to try it on with Emile Heskey's wife.

* Chant heard at Burnley v Wigan: "Same old Terry, always cheating."

* John Terry has been lined up to star in a new ITV drama. It's called Other Footballers' Wives.

* John Terry has announced he's lost his England captain's armband. Fabio Capello told him to ask Wayne Bridge to check under the bed.

* What do Wayne Bridge and the Titanic have in common? They both should've stayed at Southampton.

* John Terry is to release a charity single - it's a version of The Cars' My Best Friend's Girl.

* His follow-up will be Under The Bridge.

* What has Vanessa Perroncel got in common with a Champions League final goalpost? They've both been banged by John Terry...

* Chant heard at Hull v Chelsea: "Chelsea, Wherever you may be, Don't leave your wife with John Terry. Cos he likes a shag, he likes a bit of fluff, And he'll get your missus up the duff".

* We all knew John Terry liked scoring at The Bridge, but this is ridiculous.

* Poor Wayne Bridge - he's not even first choice with his his wife.

* Wayne Bridge bought Vanessa Perroncel a chocolate willy... but she says she prefers Terry's.

* John Terry has explained he didn't mean to have sex with Vanessa Perroncel - he just slipped while he was showing her how to take a penalty.

http://www.mirrorfootball.co.uk/opinion/blogs/football-banter/John-Terry-affair-The-best-web-jokes-about-cheating-England-and-Chelsea-captain-s-fling-with-Wayne-Bridge-s-ex-Vanessa-Perroncel-article310551.html

Whats the difference between 

wayne bridge and john terry?


one is jumping on a bridge whilst the other is planning to jump off one.

Mrs Bridge is going down
going down
going down
Mrs Bridge is going down
on . . .John Terry

I heard Capello is going to play JT on the right wing now for england, as he knows how to get past the right back and score.

John Terry -  joke of the season

Haha some awesome jokes there Ov3rdose

* After Wayne Bridge refused to play for England while John Terry remains captain, fans are now urging JT to try it on with Emile Heskey's wife.

* Chant heard at Burnley v Wigan: "Same old Terry, always cheating."

* Chant heard at Hull v Chelsea: "Chelsea, Wherever you may be, Don't leave your wife with John Terry. Cos he likes a shag, he likes a bit of fluff, And he'll get your missus up the duff".
http://www.mirrorfootball.co.uk/opinion/blogs/football-banter/John-Terry-affair-The-best-web-jokes-about-cheating-England-and-Chelsea-captain-s-fling-with-Wayne-Bridge-s-ex-Vanessa-Perroncel-article310551.html

Excellent.

In 2009, Terry was named "Dad of the Year" after he came top of a poll of UK adults in a Daddies Sauce survey.

Not only that, he also was on top of Vanessa Perroncel.

Chelsea wherever you may be
Don't leave your wife with john terry
His Dad deals coke
And his Mum steals tea
He cried when he missed a penalty.

Chelsea wherever you may be
Don't leave your wife with john terry

John Terry has done nothing wrong........all coaching manuals state that if the full back leaves a hole its the centre backs job to fill it!!

* Poor Wayne Bridge - he's not even first choice with his his wife.

I 'd at that one.

Chelsea captain John Terry is hoping that the fa cup tie with Cardiff

 is a draw

apparently he loves coming over the bridge
-------------------------------------
Capello,s just phoned Wayne bridge up and said

i,ve spoken to John terry and he,s lost the captain,s  armband

do me a favour and have a good look under youre bed.
-------------------------------------------

Nice one Andy

What a good thread

John Terry has done nothing wrong........all coaching manuals state that if the full back leaves a hole its the centre backs job to fill it!!

That is pure quality.

I wonder if anyone will bring some blow-up dolls to the Chelsea game?......hmmm now there's a thought?.

Newsflash! Capello has decided to name Gary Neville as England captain the decision is based on the fact that he hasnt got a chance of shagging anyones bird!

Dont know what Wayne bridge is complaining about ,

at least his true love only got fcked by one man,

everton got fcked by ten on the weekend.

The rest of the England team still want John Terry to play in South Africa in the World cup, with a ban on WAGS travelling no one wants him left back at home

Did you see that the first football match was broadcast the other day in 3D? Chelsea v Arsenal..
I watched it with my girlfriend and at one point, John Terry tried to F**k her!

Chelsea wherever you may be
Don't leave your wife with john terry
His Dad deals coke
And his Mum steals tea
He cried when he missed a penalty.

Chelsea wherever you may be
Don't leave your wife with john terry
He Cannot shoot, he cannot pass,
but he'll take your missus up the ass


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What have Vanessa Perroncell & the pitch from the 2008 European Cup final got in common??

John Terry managed to slip in both boxes with ease

Excellent, SpionKop!