Suicide

This is something I have never had to deal with until this week and something that has never affected me.

But early this week a friend of mine committed suicide. He is a friend and though not a very close friend he is best mates with my first cousin and we are all devastated.

We are all so frustrated because we cannot see his reasons He always seemed in a good mood and I mean always. He was hilarious, always making jokes, he could get any girl he wanted, he was unbelievably popular and on all sport teams. For you foreigners, he was on the Clare GAA football team which is the highest you can go in your country, playing for your county.

Has anyone else ever had to deal with a tragedy like this?

That sucks mate, always a sad thing to hear, especially for the people left behind.

I've dealt with it to some extend in my surroundings. But also, in my late teens I've actually contemplated it myself for a while after my mom died of cancer and some other bad stuff happened.

It's hard to say why your friend actually did what he did. But people can be very unhappy without anyone ever knowing it. It's easy to say to someone that you feel like sh*t because you had a shitty day because something bad happened. But to come out and say that you're depressed and want to die is something else. And depression distorts things, you start to think there's no way out and it's not going to get better etc. And people often don't want to deal with it, and face their problems or depression. I went partying like crazy. I was very short term minded, seize the day to the extreme. Everybody liked me, tons of friends and girls etc. Never thinking about tomorrow because I didn't want to face the fact that I was actually very unhappy with what was going on in my life at that time. But the longer you ignore it, the more it builds up.

So yeah, I'm afraid I don't know either why he actually did it. But I might understand it to some degree. Thankfully though I've left all that behind me.

Sorry to hear about that mate, my thoughts are with you, this shouldn't be easy.

When I was a kid, I used to say/think those who commit suicide are cowards who don't want to face their problems. How arrogant and stupid I was back then.

Thankfully I've grown up and learned not to judge them in such a simplistic way. Hard to know what he was going through.

RIP

A lot of people are angry at him for doing it though! I am to some extent.

Nothing is ever as bad as to kill yourself

He had all his family alive, he was fit and healthy. Whatever problems he had, they would have been worked through if only he had spoken up

His poor parents will never be the same, his sister is devastated... Thanks for your words though Dexter and Diego

Sorry for your loss Paudie.

There's plenty of emotions obviously going to be running through your mind now, but try not to get too down. Right now is a period where all friends and family should stick together, particularly strong.

I may be only 21 but I've already had a few friends die, including 2 to sucicide. I posted before on how our group of friends now have an annual fundraiser in one of our friends name to help raise money for suicide awareness. As others have said, it is very hard to know what was going through his mind and owe think could have sent him over the edge.

It has to say to do anything, but it is important to stick together as a group, don't be afraid to tell each other how you feel. It's better to grief than to bottle everything up. Everyone will understand what you are going through so don't be afraid to say it.

I, like Dexter, have been at a point in my life when I've seriously contemplated suicide and only my closest friends know how close I came. I also know people who have gone as far as attempting it and failed, one got away with minor liver damage after deliberately overdosing on drugs and alcohol and another now walks with a stick after changing his mind about jumping from a tall building then slipping off it as he tried to climb back down.
Looking at someone like your friend, it may be hard to imagine that anything in his life could be that bad but if your life has always been at a certain level, so to speak, then minor events can seem major. To give examples, you could have a kid born of a crack-whore mother with a dad who's done a runner and they have to fend for themselves. Sometimes they just get on with it, sometimes they even manage to make a go of things. Then you might have a teenage girl living in a multi million pound house in Notting Hill with all of the mod cons she could possibly need who contemplates suicide because she's failed an exam that she was expected to pass and now feels like she'll never make anything of herself. The first kid probably wouldn't give a sh*t about an exam and will be too busy trying to find food but to the second kid, it's a huge down point in her life.
My point is that although you may be justified in finding your friend's actions selfish towards the people he's left behind, don't be too harsh on him if you're struggling to find a reason why he'd do it.
Hope that makes sense.

Sorry for your loss anyway, mate.

Everybody hurts PG and everyone is only a hair's breadth away from the actions your mate took little dude. Your pal was suffering mate and for him this was the only end to his suffering.

There's no formula, as to why, PG and no magic solution to stop it (maybe love, I dunno) but we've all either 'been there' or will go there buddy.

Stay strong and love those around you - let them know.

I am sorry for your loss Pglynn, stay strong mate.
I can't even imagine what you and your friends are going through, cause I've never been in that situation, but no matter what he did, or what his reasons were, I would only say remember him for all the well, you said it yourself he was a great lad, so only have that in your mind.

I am always an optimist, maybe not the biggest, but I always say that nothing is forever, even the hardest moments in life will come to an end, eventually. I've never been in this position, and I can only hope I never will, but the human mind is a very powerful thing, it does separate us from the animals in nature, but it can also easily turn us into beasts.

Stay strong Pglynn.

Thoughts are with you and all those connected to your friend Paudie

How sad.  Its so easy to judge someone who does this, but no-one knows what turmoil they are going through.  Its easy to hide behind a smile, and look strong but you never know.

I live by myself and have found it is so easy to fall into depression spending a lot of time by myself, you have a lot of time to think about problems in life.  I'm always happy, outgoing and generally in a good mood, but friends would never know when I get depressed as I hide it so well.

My heart goes out to your friend's family PGlynn, they must be heartbroken.  The worst thing is not having any answers.

Know how you feel mate I lost an uncle to suicide late last year and a few years ago I myself had a failed attempt.

I guess the thing with depression is that anyone can get struck down with it even people who seem to have everything going right for them.

Sorry to hear PGlynn. Stay strong. My thoughts go out to you and the friend's family.

How hopeless must a person feel to take such drastic action. If only he had talked to someone, they might have been able to get him through this and into a better place. Very sad.

I have regularly contemplated suicide and have tried on a couple of occasions when I was in my teens. Also when I was very young my father committed suicide.

My condolences go out to pglynn and the lads family.

What I will say is I do believe that once someone has decided for certain to take their life, it is very rare for them to change their mind. I am pretty sure I never quite took my own life because I still have them grains of hope remaining. It takes a while for someone to get to a place where they are willing to throw themselves into the uncertainty of death rather than live. So while it is awful for those left behind you do have to try and remember how much pain they must have been in to reach such a place.

Having that said that I don't think the above rule applies as much to younger people, particularly teens. As we know the teen years can often feel lonely as it is and depression is an issue that is kind of swept under the carpet, there is still somewhat of a stigma to it. I do think youngsters should in some way be made more aware and I don't mean vague promises such that they'll feel better or 'something good is just round the bend' but just some kind of awareness so they know they need not be alone. Often I think as I found, a depressed teen does need a kindred above all else, someone who does actually understand to some degree rather than someone who claims to.

I don't know if I'll ever fully forgive my dad but as I've grown older I can understand why now. It's a crumb of comfort I guess.

Cheers

Touching story, Exiled and strikingly similar to my own position. The big difference is that I was always allowed to see my kids at the weekends. The problem being that she took them 60 miles away and me being down-and-out, it was hard to get there. The rest of the story is almost identical, particularly in the way that it was such a sudden change from being a family man to (seemingly) having nothing.
I owe a lot to friends who forced me to open up and dragged me out to socialise, even though it was the last thing I wanted to do.
Hard to believe that was just 5 yrs ago.
All I'm missing from that story is meeting the love of my life!

I feel your pain mate . I've had 2 close mates commit suicide . One at 23 and one at 27 . Like your mate they were both jovial and seemed to be happy as a pig in sh*t . They were the both larger than life , always up for it and a great laugh . Sometimes people project themselves as bein happy but they are hurtin inside . One mate , i was smoking a doobie with around 5 hours before he decided to end it . I'll never understand it , but it does get easier over time . Remember the good times ;-)

Touching story, Exiled and strikingly similar to my own position. The big difference is that I was always allowed to see my kids at the weekends. The problem being that she took them 60 miles away and me being down-and-out, it was hard to get there. The rest of the story is almost identical, particularly in the way that it was such a sudden change from being a family man to (seemingly) having nothing.
I owe a lot to friends who forced me to open up and dragged me out to socialise, even though it was the last thing I wanted to do.
Hard to believe that was just 5 yrs ago.
All I'm missing from that story is meeting the love of my life!

I think that was my primary problem at the time, lack of support. I probably wouldn't have opened up too much because I'm the sort that doesn't want to drag anyone down with my sh*t but being made to socialise make you realise that there is a life out there. Unfortunately I just had 4 walls and not much else. The thing that really got me at the time was that I'd been living with someone for a decade who I never knew at all, the person she became after we split was actually what she was like. Blew me away that I was such a sh*te judge of character.

As for finding the love of your life I can introduce you to someone, their name is Macedonian Red and  I think that they heart you.



If it's not too personal Rep, where have your wee ones moved to? Feel free not to answer.

I just read your story Exiled.....omg hun, you went through hell and back there didn't you.

I'm so pleased that you dragged yourself out of the sh*t and made a life for yourself, you have a lovely family now ...massive hugs to you 

If it's not too personal Rep, where have your wee ones moved to? Feel free not to answer.

No problem, mate. She moved to Manchester, I live in Stoke. I know it's not a million miles away but when collecting them and dropping them off is left entirely to me (she doesn't drive anyway), it's a big monthly expense. Plus the M6 is not somewhere you want to be on a Friday evening!

As for finding the love of your life I can introduce you to someone, their name is Macedonian Red and  I think that they heart you.

She may well be in Macedonia but I think you've got the wrong one 

She may well be in Macedonia but I think you've got the wrong one 

Rep and Kate up a tree, k i s s i n g.

Does she know or do you want me to ask her out for ya? I'll give you a lift to Macedonia if you want mate, imagine the money you'd save on the internet!

Rep and Kate up a tree, k i s s i n g.

Does she know or do you want me to ask her out for ya? I'll give you a lift to Macedonia if you want mate, imagine the money you'd save on the internet!

I think the hints are sinking in, .
Women saving me money, that's a novel idea!

I just read your story Exiled.....omg hun, you went through hell and back there didn't you.

I'm so pleased that you dragged yourself out of the sh*t and made a life for yourself, you have a lovely family now ...massive hugs to you 

Thanks Love, hopefully one person will read it and realise that being at your lowest definitely doesn't last, the laws of life dictate that it can't Every reaction has an opposite and equal reaction, that rule works in life as much as Physics.   

Women saving me money, that's a novel idea!

I don't think anyone even writes novels about that. It's TOO out of this world. Hobbits and goblins and starfighters are alright, but the idea of a woman helping you out financially just won't work.

I so hope Laura doesn't secretly come on here looking at what I say sometimes

EDIT: Completely forgot to say though - first off, my feelings out to you Pglynn, and all others who have lost someone to suicide. Thankfully i never have, though i have known some who have had those urges and its tough trying to tell them why they should keep fighting when they seemingly have no hope in their minds.

Also, touching story there Exiled. Sat here feeling my heart strings being tugged like crazy! Glad that through the process of events you are still with us!

Also, touching story there Exiled. Sat here feeling my heart strings being tugged like crazy! Glad that through the process of events you are still with us!

Cheers V, Thanks mate and sorry to have turned your heart into my own little banjo. Also to add, I'm afraid I've just subscribed so there'll be another 12 months of random photo's and utterings I'm afraid. Have they installed that ignore feature yet?

Was going to make a joke that if you swallowed 60 anti depressants you would die happy, but think only the people who have been that low would appreciate it. Been there worn the T shirt and still am.

Very sad thread this. Thoughts go out to you PGlynn. And to the honest and frank accounts of depression and the lowest ebb I salute you and support you. I've been close once or twice but a long time ago, and to think of the things I would have missed.

Some touching stuff in here. I'm sorry about your friend PG. And I'm sorry to those of you who have hit rock bottom in your time. Glad you are still here to never walk alone.

I've experienced suicide in the past and still do in the present with work.

Mental health is a great thing to be involved in with work and so rewarding most of the time. But I've had a few trips to the crisis team in the Royal this last year and have seen people deteriorate quite rapidly - thankfully it's so far been a 'cry for help' with people I support, rather than jumping in front of a train or something along the same lines.

But I have actually been on a train when someone has jumped in front of it. That wasn't an experience I'd like to witness again.

Worst is when it's happened in your family though.

Rep and Kate up a tree, k I s s I n g.

Does she know or do you want me to ask her out for ya? I'll give you a lift to Macedonia if you want mate, imagine the money you'd save on the internet!

OMG it's highschool all over again 
On a serious note Exiled mate, you have a very powerful and inspiring story, hope you get all the good things you deserve in life.

Tough reading, this thread. Much love to all who have been affected.

Two of my cousins committed suicide together, about two years ago. Only feels like it was yesterday that we got the news though. You would never have guessed they were even contemplating it. For that reason, you can't help but feel guilty that none of us could help them and maybe talk them out of it.

You've just got to hope that, wherever they are, they're at peace. That's the only thing that can start to help you overcome that guilty feeling.    

OMG it's highschool all over again 
On a serious note Exiled mate, you have a very powerful and inspiring story, hope you get all the good things you deserve in life.

Cheers Mrs Reprobate

As regards getting everything I deserve, In the weeks that followed my suicide attempt I done a LOT of thinking. I told myself that I would settle for nothing less than what I wanted in a partner and if someone didn't turn up with exactly what I wanted then I'd stay single and just become a sexual butterfly, flitting from woman to woman collecting pollen (so to speak). Then I met my missus in work, she'd transferred into the office that handled our paperwork etc. We exchanged numbers and I spent a fortune on texts and then credit and then we started going out, now we have a lovely, if mischievous 2 year old little girl and we're very happy.

I may not have any bloody money but I got everything else I told myself I would only 'settle' for. One thing I learnt from my experience is that a happy family life is the most valuable asset in the world. I plan on maintaining it to keep it healthy.

. ...thankfully it's so far been a 'cry for help' with people I support, rather than jumping in front of a train or something along the same lines.

But I have actually been on a train when someone has jumped in front of it. That wasn't an experience I'd like to witness again.

I promise you that you don't want to be driving one when it happens then kenny.   

Depression, proper, full-blown, diagnosed, depression is something which (in my experience) very few people understand. I really wish they could. Sometimes it only takes an unsolicited hug.

Wow, what a touching story Exiled. I'm glad that you're family managed to help you and you've moved on and come out of it all a better person.

I promise you that you don't want to be driving one when it happens then kenny.   

Depression, proper, full-blown, diagnosed, depression is something which (in my experience) very few people understand. I really wish they could. Sometimes it only takes an unsolicited hug.

A very deep dark hole with nought to do but think.

Wow, what a touching story Exiled. I'm glad that you're family managed to help you and you've moved on and come out of it all a better person.

Cheers Viking, I'll try and maintain my better person status.

Done any pillaging lately?

A very deep dark hole with nought to do but think.

Cheers Viking, I'll try and maintain my better person status.

Done any pillaging lately?

No I haven't, it's my weekend off

It is a mad world no doubt, in my humble opinion, people see this, and look at their context in life, and they dont see a meaning for themselves, so life becomes meaningless, i would suggest that anybody who has no scope of the meaning should study philosiphy, i would call it the thinking mans religion. depression is a bad thing, which always requires help. As our song says, at the end of the storm , there's a golden sky.

I promise you that you don't want to be driving one when it happens then kenny.   

Depression, proper, full-blown, diagnosed, depression is something which (in my experience) very few people understand. I really wish they could. Sometimes it only takes an unsolicited hug.

I couldn't agree with you more about depression mate.

And I trust what you say about driving one - my ex's father was driving a bus when someone jumped out in front of him. Saddening stuff.

My thoughts go out to you PG. Unfortunately we can't always know when someone is hurting. Even when we do, it can be so overwhelming for them and suicide seems the only option. Don't be angry. Be sad for your fiend's pain while celebrating everything about him.

Exiled that is some story. I'm thrilled to read that life is rewarding you and that things are falling into place nicely. Hopefully you gain custody of your daughter sooner than later.

To everyone else who opened up, my heart goes out to you. I think you'll find that many people have at the very least considered taking their life, as bbb correctly pointed out.

I've dealt with some dark moods since my teens. The only message I can offer is that it gets better. If you're hurting, tell someone. Someone does care about you, even if it's someone you befriend on a football forum.

As a post script, if any of you ever meet my wife, which I'm certain you will, let's keep this to ourselves. It's very personal and I don't really care to ever dredge it up again.

Bloody hell there's some moving stories in here!

Actually felt a little choked up reading yours Eric! One of the top fellas here i have immense respect for mate, and the forum - let alone the world - would be a lesser place without ya had things gone differently. Very glad to hear you 'righted the ship' and got things back on course. Anyone who has seen pics of your son can testify you got one hell of a reward for getting things right! (Which, by the way, got a big "AWWWW!!!" outta Laura when i showed her the footy kit ones )

I'm sure that was damn hard to bring up and talk about, so thanks a lot. It's stories like yours and exiled's that, as hard as they are to talk about, are maybe what some people with problems need to read and realize they are not the only ones who have felt that way.

Suffering from depression is something I've always been ashamed of (even though I shouldn't be) and I think that there are people like me feel or have felt this way which makes it harder to treat because we do all we can to hide it. Not even my closest friends knew about it.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that it's nothing to be ashamed of and asking for help doesn't make you weak.

Absolutely Dmasta. Never, ever be afraid to talk to any of us, or anyone else who can help.

(Maybe skip corbally though )

BR I read your story and I didn't know exactly what to say, than after I got back to the thread, BigV summarized it perfectly. I would only add how glad I am that I've ''met'' you, even if it's on a football forum.

Cheers, Dave. One of the reasons I told the story is to show that it can be anyone going through these confusing feelings. I've never told anyone about all this in such detail before and no, it's not really easy. One might find it odd to tell it on a public forum, but tbh it's easier than telling people who have known you for years who you don't want looking at you differently.

Suffering from depression is something I've always been ashamed of (even though I shouldn't be) and I think that there are people like me feel or have felt this way which makes it harder to treat because we do all we can to hide it. Not even my closest friends knew about it.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that it's nothing to be ashamed of and asking for help doesn't make you weak.

Well said, Dane.


Thanks Kate. I know what you mean about not knowing what to say. I haven't been back into the Relationships thread because I still don't know how to approach that situation you had. Seriously, though, I feel bad about not addressing it.  

But, I'm all good now. No cries for help here!

You see I never thought for one minute that you'd been through such an awful desperate time in your life Eric....you seem such an 'in control person' just shows you doesn't it. I'm so glad that you're here with us now, like Dave says, I too have a great deal of respect for you and regard you as a special friend....thank god you turned things around.

Much love and happiness to you, your Wife and your gorgeous little lad xxx Big hugs hun xxxxx

Much love to you too Dmasta, don't be afraid to open your heart on here 

Read most of the posts on here about this sensitive subject, must be absolute hell if taking yourn own life is the answer,truth is it solves nothing really except creates pain and suffering to all left behind for the rest of their lives , i'm very fortunate in that i,ve never got so depresssed or low and contemplated that ,maybe it's my generation that grew up in hard times and accepted the values in society ,regards and sincere wishes to all that have been involved in this tragedy