LFCReds School

have to give you a +

 

Class stuff DLS, the beard will be rampant once again!

I'm from Yorkshire by the way 

Another great laugh DLS nice one mate.

You Didn't Kill Kenny - You b***ard

After a long lay off, comedy writing legend DLS was forced out of retirement by the Music Man. The last time we checked DLS was held at gunpoint in some wasteland better known as Norris Green, while being forced to wear red nail varnish.

From this wasteland he wrote this masterpiece.

JD: "So has anybody missed being here over the past month or so?

aw1: "Nah not a bit."

Gow: "Me neither. It's been bliss not having to come to school."

7kk7: "I agree with them to."

xxLiverPrinc3ssxx: "Well I've missed it."

Shay: "Suck up."

macca: "I wish."

Semple: "Trust you."

macca: "What's that supposed to mean?"

Semple: "I think you know."

kenny: "I certainly do."

macca: "Does it mean you trust me?"

Shay: "I wouldn't trust you with 5 yards of xxLiverPrinc3ssxx."

niksluvslfc: "Or me."

macca: "Why not?"

AussieRed: "They have their reasons."

Dmasta: "And I certainly have mine."

macca: "Can't you just love me for a reason?"

BigRed1978: "Let the reason be love."

gareth g: "Don't love me for fun girl."

Shay: "Let me be the one girl."

xxLiverPrinc3ssxx: "No."

Shay: "Spoil sport."

xxLiverPrinc3ssxx: "So."

RedLFCBlood: "I can see sentences that last longer than 2 words isn't your strong point."

xxLiverPrinc3ssxx: "Say something like that again and you won't be seeing at all cos I'd have belted you one."

Gow: "Don't, he likes it rough."

xxLiverPrinc3ssxx: "You've never compained."

As the class all looked round in amazement, it was time for music with the, surprisingly, sober Mr Kenny.

RedKenny: "Now I know we haven't had as many music lessons as you'd have liked but there's a reason for that."

Shay: "14 cans of Stella."

Gow: "More like Stella McCartney."

aw1: "You'd never get the ring off her."

gareth g: "You didn't hear the noises he was making in the bog."

aw1: "Was that from the ring or the sting."

Gow: "Sting and Stella? F***ing hell Sir you have been busy."

RedKenny: "Well there's not much else to do round our way."

7kk7: "Can we get on?"

kenny: "If Mr Kenny gets on with anymore he'll be a wreck."

7kk7: "Well I don't really wanna hear about our teachers antics with Stella, Sting or Stelling."

Gow: "Is that a cross between the two?"

Shay: "Nah it's the bloke who presents Countdown isn't is?"

kenny: "Looks like he's presenting Mr Kenny as well."

RedLFCBlood: "He could do a lot worse."

aw1: "Aye, he could have ended up with Les Dennis."

RedLFCBlood: "I was thinking more along the lines of John Humphrys."

RedKenny: "Can we get on discussing music please?"

Shay: "We are."

Gow: "Yeah the music you were making."

Mr Kenny had had enough and just handed all the lads detention letters. This caused all the lads to come up with a plan on how to kill Mr Kenny.

Smiggs: "This is cookery and we're gonna cook."

xxLiverPrinc3ssxx: "I like cooking."

Dizzy Munchkin: "Me to."

Sarah: "And me."

Shay: "It's obviously a woman's job."

kenny: "Isn't that sexist?"

AussieRed: "What's your point?"

kenny: "There isn't one."

AussieRed: "Typical paddy."

kenny: "You wanna make this an international scrap?"

AussieRed: "I wouldn't if I was with you."

kenny: "Why?"

AussieRed: "Because one of my countrymen is a teacher."

There was a silence from Kenny who just went back to baking his apple tart.

xxLiverPrinc3ssxx: "Miss is this alright?"

Smiggs: "Very good LP, that's the best strawberry cheesecake I've ever seen."

xxLiverPrinc3ssxx: "Thank you, but it's a banana split."

While the two fiery blondes continued discussing tarts and splits, it reminded the lads of their plan to kill Mr Kenny. They were going to sip a fatal drug into his daily doseage of 14 cans.

The dinner (or lunch for those of you who are too posh to call it dinner) time bell went and Mr Kenny opened the staff room fridge to find one his cans already open, he drank it anyway.

Bpatel: "So how has you day been?"

MsG: "Not bad, lots of paper work. What about yours?"

Bpatel: "Pretty much the same, I've got the rats next."

Paulrobbo: "I've got them last lesson."

CRK: "I'm lucky I don't have them for a few weeks."

Paulrobbo: "How did you manage that?"

Venison: "The same way Stella and Sting did."

Mr Kenny stood up and was going to argue back but started wobbling and finally fell to the floor. An instant meeting with the entire school was called, after an ambulance of course.

JD: "Right, who tried to murder Mr Kenny?"

Gow: "I think it'd be quicker to determine who didn't."

JD: "OK, who didn't?"

The entire class took one step forward.

xxLiverPrinc3ssxx: "They're lying."

Shay: "No we're not we're standing."

xxLiverPrinc3ssxx: "Very funny."

Shay began to look all smug with himself, failing to see the sarcasm in xxLiverPrinc3ssxx's statement. Shay isn't the brighest you see.

RedLFCBlood: "I see another long winding sentence from LP."

LP gave RedLFCBlood two black eyes.

Shay: "She did warn you."

kenny: "Word."

JD: "I want to know who was it who drugged Mr Kenny."

Gow: "Last time we heard it was Stella McCartney."

aw1: "And Sting."

gareth g: "And Jeff Stelling."

xxLiverPrinc3ssxx: "Just admit it was you."

At the fear of recieving the same treatment RedLFCBlood got, Shay finally admitted to the attempted murder.

JD: "You're very, very lucky that Mr Kenny has come through all right. Otherwise you would be in major trouble."

Gow: "You mean you didn't kill Kenny?"

A distant voice from that wasteland we spoke about earlier was heard shouting "you b***ard"

JD: "No he didn't, and we're very happy to announce he'll be back in school within the decade.

If you wish to find out which drug Shay used visit www.dangerousdrugsfromdruggingdregs.com

If you wish to send Mr Kenny a get well card he'll be situated in the nearest cardboard box in Norris Green

If you are happy with the outcome of this story then you are totally different to me.

About time lazy arse.

And I don't want to see you doing your toe nails in class anymore. You big puff.

Great stuff DLS, knew it wouldn't be too long before we were reading this thread again

Great stuff DLS, knew it wouldn't be too long before we were reading this thread again

Don't give him too much praise. Don't forget what I said in the don't forget thread. 

Don't give him too much praise. Don't forget what I said in the don't forget thread. 

Oops, my bad.

Mediocre stuff Billy. Now big yourself up

well in DLS, you have a telent you should nurture on the liverpool writing scene.

About time lazy arse.

And I don't want to see you doing your toe nails in class anymore. You big puff.

I haven't done me nails in class so there.

Great stuff DLS, knew it wouldn't be too long before we were reading this thread again

It was rather good wasn't it? And I couldn't make Kenny wait too long, they're under privileged enough in Noggsy so I thought I'd do him a favour.

Don't give him too much praise. Don't forget what I said in the don't forget thread. 

Yeah don't praise me, praise the star of the show. You can decide who that is.

Oops, my bad.

Mediocre stuff Billy. Now big yourself up

OK.

That was quality. DLS you have a real talent, we're not worthy of reading such quality. Please, please, please write another soon so I can laugh as much as I did this time round.

well in DLS, you have a telent you should nurture on the liverpool writing scene.

Ta mate. It's good to finally to see somebody sensible in this thread.

And I couldn't make Kenny wait too long, they're under privileged enough in Noggsy so I thought I'd do him a favour.

True, just hope the excitement doesn't get too much for him, there's no telling what might happen. Although, reckon there is a high chance it will involve his tongue and a window

Yeah don't praise me, praise the star of the show. You can decide who that is.

That would be me then

I haven't done me nails in class so there.

You deny doing your nails in class but don't deny the big puff thing. I'm really getting worried about you. You're usually well on the ball. So there back!

Anyone up for a game of off ground tick? I'll keep my can off ground? Or is it politically incorrect to play with teachers these days....

True, just hope the excitement doesn't get too much for him, there's no telling what might happen. Although, reckon there is a high chance it will involve his tongue and a window

That would be me then

When did you become an expert in Norris Green events, you big window licker?

You deny doing your nails in class but don't deny the big puff thing. I'm really getting worried about you. You're usually well on the ball. So there back!

Anyone up for a game of off ground tick? I'll keep my can off ground? Or is it politically incorrect to play with teachers these days....

I don't need to deny being a big puff, everyone knows what side of my butty is marged.

And you may find yourself on a law suit if you go round playing games with the kids.

You deny doing your nails in class but don't deny the big puff thing. I'm really getting worried about you.

You maybe on to something there Monsieur Window Licker....

Relation to Ross by any chance i wonder?

When did you become an expert in Norris Green events, you big window licker?

How can anybody with at least half a brain cell not be aware of the events there

How can anybody with at least half a brain cell not be aware of the events there

You maybe on to something there Monsieur Window Licker....

Relation to Ross by any chance i wonder?

How can anybody with at least half a brain cell not be aware of the events there

Don't bring my little big relation into it while he's not online to defend himself.

And as for the brain cell comment, it's alright being aware of what goes on around here, but you need your wits about you if you actually want to come here. Come on. Come to Norris Green. You know you want to. You've got me and Robbyr to look after you....

Don't bring my little big relation into it while he's not online to defend himself.

Defend himself?

Couldn't fight his way out a paper bag

you need your wits about you if you actually want to come here.

Why would anyone want to a silly thing like that?


Although it reminds me of somewhere near where i live except they are known for the high rate of in-breeding...

Noggsy is getting a right hammering here. Well done 7kk7.

they are known for the high rate of in-breeding...

Really? Explain how you know this? Have you ever been to Noggsy before? Bad mistake saying that. Really bad mistake. Huyton Red will tell you.

Noggsy is getting a right hammering here. Well done 7kk7.

As for you, sticking up for a southerner before a scouser. You should be ashamed of yourself....

As for you, sticking up for a southerner before a scouser. You should be ashamed of yourself....

Which southerner am I sticking up for?

OMG.

They didn't kill Kenny!