Larry gets home late one night and, Linda, his wife says, 'Where in the
hell have you been?'
Larry replies, 'I was out getting a tattoo.'
'A tattoo?' she frowned. 'What kind of tattoo did you get?'
'I got a hundred dollar bill on my privates,' he said proudly.
'What the hell were you thinking?' she said, shaking her head in disgust.
'Why on earth would an accountant get a hundred dollar bill tattooed on his privates?'
'Well, one, I like to watch my money grow.
Two, once in a while I like to play with my money.
Three, I like how money feels in my hand.
And, lastly, instead of you going out shopping, you can stay right here at home and
blow a hundred bucks anytime you want.'
Larry is recovering in room 233 at the local hospital.
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Two ladies talking in heaven:
1st woman: Hi! My name is Wanda.
2nd woman: Hi! I'm Kelly. How'd you die?
1st woman: I Froze to Death.
2nd woman: How Horrible!
1st woman: It wasn't so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I began to get warm & sleepy, and finally died a peaceful death. What about you?
2nd woman: I died of a massive heart attack. I suspected that my husband was cheating, so I came home early to catch him in the act. But instead, I found him all by himself in the den watching TV.
1st woman: So, what happened?
2nd woman: I was so sure there was another woman there somewhere that I started running all over the house looking. I ran up into the attic and searched, and down into the basement. Then I went through every closet and checked under all the beds. I kept this up until I had looked everywhere, and finally I became so exhausted that I just keeled over with a heart attack and died.
1st woman: Too bad you didn't look in the freezer---we'd both still be alive.