An Australian, a Kiwi and South African are in a bar one night having a beer.
All of a sudden the South African drinks his beer, throws his glass in the air pulls out a gun and shoots the glass to pieces. "In Seth Efrika our glasses are so cheap that we don't need to drink from the same one twice," he says.
The Kiwi, obviously impressed by this, drinks his beer, throws his glass into the air, pulls out his gun and shoots the glass to pieces. "Wull mate, in Noo Zulland we have so much sand to make the glasses that we don't need to drink out the same glass either," he says.
The Australian, cool as a Koala, picks up his beer and drinks it, throws his glass in the air, pulls out his gun and shoots the South African and the Kiwi. He turns to the astonished barman and says," In Strailya mate, we have so many bloody South Africans and Kiwis that we don't need to drink with the same ones twice.
[There was a guy sunbathing in the nude. He saw a little girl coming
>
> toward him, so he covered himself with the newspaper he was reading.
>
>
> The girl came up to him and asked, "What do you have under the
> newspaper?"
>
>
> Thinking quickly, the guy replied, " A bird."
>
>
> The girl walked away, and the guy fell asleep.
>
>
> When he woke up, he was in the hospital in tremendous pain.
>
>
> The police asked him what happened. The guy says, "I don't know. I was
>
> lying on the beach, this little girl asked me a question, I guess I
>
> dozed off, and the next thing I know is I'm here."
>
>
> The police went to the beach, found the girl, and asked her, "What did
>
>
> you do to that naked fellow?" After a pause, the girl replied, "To him?
>
>
> Nothing. I was playing with his bird and it spat on me, so I broke its
>
>
> neck, cracked its eggs and set it's nest on fire!!!"/color]
An Englishman, an Irishman, A Scot and a Welshman are introducing their sons........
The English man says, "This is my son George, he was born on St Georges day."
The Scot says, "This is my son Andrew, he was born on St Andrews day."
The Welsh man continues, "This is my son David, he was born on St Davids day."
The Irish man grabs his son by the arm and turns to walk away, saying "Come on Pancake, this is getting embarassing"
The teacher at the beginning of the class says:
'OK kids, we are going to talk about sexual education today. First we'll talk about how the human reproduction goes on....'
Immediately, little Johnny raises his hand, and desperately tries to get the teacher's attention. But the teacher, knowing how little Johnny is about these things, goes on...
'... First, a man and woman have to be in love... '
But little Johnny keeps his hand up, waving it up and down, and from one side to the other one.
The teacher ignores him..'..They have to be very much in love because...'
But now little Johnny even starts making noise with his feet, so the teacher, decides to acknowledge him:
' OK, little Johnny . What do you want to say?'
Little Johnny then stands up, and says:
'I just wanted to ask - those of us who have already fu**ed, can we leave?!'
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ***
[liitle Johnny and his li'l sister are peeping through a keyhole at their parents making love
'Wow, look at them! And we are not allowed even to stick a finger in our nose!'
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ***
Johnny and his father are observing a couple of dogs screwing each other.
'Dad, what're the dogs doing?' asks Johnny .
'Well, the one below has relaxed and the one above has concentrated. '
'Okay, I've understood.'
'What've you understood!? ' asks the father sarcastically.
'Never relax in your life, dad, or you'll get fu**ed like a dog!'
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ****
Johnny 's parents were out of town once and so they asked that young female teacher to stay for that time in their house.
Before going to bed Johnny says to her, 'Oh, please, I'm so afraid to be by myself, please, sleep in my bed.'
She agrees, they go to bed.
In the morning she wakes up to find a big hairy-chested man in her bed.
She exclaims, ' Johnny ? Where is Johnny ?!!!'
' Johnny ? Who is Johnny ? Is that the little boy selling the tickets outside?'
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ****
Johnny is taking a shower with his mother and says, 'Mom, what those things on your chest?'
Unsure how to reply, she tells Johnny to ask his dad at breakfast tomorrow, quite certain the matter would be forgotten.
Johnny didn't forget. The following morning he asked his father the same question.
His father, always quick with the answers, says, 'Why Johnny , those are balloons. When your mommy dies, we can blow them up and she'll float to heaven.'
Johnny thinks that's neat and asks no more questions.
A few weeks later, Johnny 's dad comes home from work a few hours early.
Johnny runs out of the house crying hysterically, 'Daddy! Daddy! Mommy's dying!'
His father says, 'Calm down son! Why do you think Mommy's dying?'
Johnny replies, 'Uncle Harry is blowing up Mommy's balloons and she's screaming, 'Oh God, I'm coming!!''
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ***
The lady teacher asks the pupils about the kind of medicines they know of and what are they used for:-
The first pupil said - 'Tylenol.'
'Very good! And what is it used for?'
'It is used for headache.'
The second pupil said - 'Nytol.'
'Excellent. And what is it used for?'
'To help you sleep.'
Now it is Johnny 's turn. He says - 'Viagra.'
' Johnny , what is it used for?'
'I think it can be used for diarrohea.' 'Who told you this?'
'Nobody, but every evening my mother tells my father, 'Take a Viagra, maybe that little sh*t will get harder!!!'
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********/color]
Logged
