The DRUNK topic

I'm drinking cans of bleach. They were on offer, and I like to whiten my teeth while getting intoxicated...

I'm drinking cans of bleach. They were on offer, and I like to whiten my teeth while getting intoxicated...

That's nothing.  When I have a bit of bleach I eat the plastic container as well.

That's nothing.  When I have a bit of bleach I eat the plastic container as well.

Pfft, think you're 'ard do ya? Well, erm, I piss bleach, and when I want to clean my bathroom floor I just leave the toilet seat down when I'm 'avin' a slash...

Pfft, think you're 'ard do ya? Well, erm, I piss bleach, and when I want to clean my bathroom floor I just leave the toilet seat down when I'm 'avin' a slash...

I don't piss bleach out.  I contain it within my body and it moistens my eyeballs.

I'm on my second can

I'm on my second bottle.

My arse.

6th or 7th I'd say.

Bleach is ok, but you wanna get onto the hard stuff lad!
Potassium Cianide.

Does tea impede your ability to count Ken?

And JD, I too moisten my eyeballs with the bleach. I just use it to clean the bathroom floor first, then pop out my eyeballs with a shoe horn, rub them in the bleachy piss puddles on the bathroom floor, scrape all the pubes off them (for this I use a cheese grater), and then hammer them back into the sockets using the wrong side of the hammer (for a laugh)...

And I sh*t bullets...

Bleach is ok, but you wanna get onto the hard stuff lad!
Potassium Cianide.

I inject that. Into my rectum.

I'm just sat here pissing myself (bleach obviously) at this thread.

I'm just sat here pissing myself (bleach obviously) at this thread.

me too Ross 

I'm just sat here pissing myself at this thread.

Yes, but are you pissing bleach?

I'd even settle for reggae reggae sauce, as long as you're happy and it doesn't burn too much...

Reggae Reggae sauce is for woofters, I'm more into me Tobasco.

And JD, I too moisten my eyeballs with the bleach. I just use it to clean the bathroom floor first, then pop out my eyeballs with a shoe horn, rub them in the bleachy piss puddles on the bathroom floor, scrape all the pubes off them (for this I use a cheese grater), and then hammer them back into the sockets using the wrong side of the hammer (for a laugh)...

Bathroom floor? Woo - state of you. I do those things but on the beach.  And I make sure my eyes are properly back in by securing them with some nails.

Nails? All my nails are banged into my bollocks. You can't beat a good old 12 inch nail banged into your ballbag while watching SAS documentaries...

Ballbag?

Mine was bitten off by a pack of dogs during WWII.  Luckily I found the dog responsible, cut him open, retrieved my gonads and performed surgery on myself (with a spoon) and stitched it back together with barbed wire.

Ballbag?

Mine was bitten off by a pack of dogs during WWII.  Luckily I found the dog responsible, cut him open, retrieved my gonads and performed surgery on myself (with a spoon) and stitched it back together with barbed wire.

You are double hard....

That happened to me once with a great white shark. I was water skiing, with the pullrope tied around me bellend, when this great white shark cam out of nowhere, jumped out the water, and bit me f***in head off, right at the same time as the boat hit a wave and decapitated me cock. But did that stop me? Did it sh*te. I swam after that great white shark, dragged it to the shore, climbed into its belly, found me 'ead, used the teeth in me 'ead to pull the 12 inch nails out me testes, nailed me 'ead back on - THEN, I swam back out to where me bellend had been ripped off, freedived 1.5 kilometeres to the bottom of the ocean, picked it up, swam back to the shore, used spit and sand to form a kind of glue and glued it back on.

Then I fu**ed the great white shark.

Up the arse.

When im pissed is sing,,,, so here we goes

you are my sunshine
my only sunshine
you make my nappy
when i am gay...

....oh sh*t that went wrong, oh well even frank sinatra forgot his words now and again.

it doesnt quite translate well though, singing on a forum.

Youze people are f***in sick lar, talking about sharks in derogatory ways, save tham sharks that what i say before they get used...

That happened to me once with a great white shark. I was water skiing, with the pullrope tied around me bellend, when this great white shark cam out of nowhere, jumped out the water, and bit me f***in head off, right at the same time as the boat hit a wave and decapitated me cock. But did that stop me? Did it sh*te. I swam after that great white shark, dragged it to the shore, climbed into its belly, found me 'ead, used the teeth in me 'ead to pull the 12 inch nails out me testes, nailed me 'ead back on - THEN, I swam back out to where me bellend had been ripped off, freedived 1.5 kilometeres to the bottom of the ocean, picked it up, swam back to the shore, used spit and sand to form a kind of glue and glued it back on.

Then I fu**ed the great white shark.

Up the arse.

Fair play.

Although I'd had that shark first.

Told me you were sh*t and it faked it...

That happened to me once with a great white shark. I was water skiing, with the pullrope tied around me bellend, when this great white shark cam out of nowhere, jumped out the water, and bit me f***in head off, right at the same time as the boat hit a wave and decapitated me cock. But did that stop me? Did it sh*te. I swam after that great white shark, dragged it to the shore, climbed into its belly, found me 'ead, used the teeth in me 'ead to pull the 12 inch nails out me testes, nailed me 'ead back on - THEN, I swam back out to where me bellend had been ripped off, freedived 1.5 kilometeres to the bottom of the ocean, picked it up, swam back to the shore, used spit and sand to form a kind of glue and glued it back on.

Then I fu**ed the great white shark.

Up the arse.

I think you've been reading too many  books Gow 

I think you've been reading too many  books Gow 

Me? Read books? What d'you think I am? A f***in librarian or summat?